So remember how I was better?

Yeah. Scratch that.

Because not only am I not better, I am now probably certifiably dying and there's nothing that anyone can do about it. The one bright side was that WR did come over the other night and bring me bread and a roasted chicken so that I wouldn't starve to death. Because carving is for sissies who aren't sick and/or hungry, we ate the bird at my coffee table. I used a fork and my bare hands. For a second I feared WR might not think I was being ladylike, since he was using a knife and fork. But then he pointed out that he was eating straight off the carcass with a knife and fork, whereas I was using a plate, so we were probably even. Whew.

Anyway, yes. I am dying. My sense of humor is dying with me--it's now on its last stubby hind leg. I spent all of yesterday (when I wasn't sleeping and groaning for sweeth Death to come take me) parked in the sitting room, working on the website that's due on Friday.

Here are my plans for today:

• Keep working on the website
• Shower, possibly, if I can even remember how that works and if I have the strength to climb the stairs to the bathroom.
• Buy more cold medicine because I'm down to my last dose. Also I think British cold medicine is worthless. A curse upon you and your children, British cold medicine!!!
• Take more ibuprofin.
• Take more paracetamol, which is what the crazy Brits call acetaminophen. Also they seem to be a LOT more worried that people are going to overdose on the stuff here. There are warnings all over the packaging. Maybe in the US we figure that if someone is stupid enough to OD on Tylenol then good riddance.
• Brush my teeth, if I can find my toothbrush.
• Put on clean clothes rather than the pajamas I've been wearing for days.
• Burn the pajamas I've been wearing for days.
• Drink hot chocolate. Pretend I can taste it.
• Write that 2,0000-word essay that I still haven't written.
• Buy actual tissues, since the 2 rolls of toilet paper I've been using have worn my nose down to a grotesque red nub, much like the nose of a long-term cocaine user.
• Regrow the skin on the toes of my right foot, since I scraped it all off when I stumbled into the kitchen table this morning. I couldn't even get up the energy for the Dance of the Stubbed Toes. It was more like the Dance of the Pained Manatee.
• Consider doing dishes from three days ago. Don't hold your breath on that one.

Posted in: England