England and I are fighting

That's right, it's come to this. I never wanted it to happen, but right now we are not friends. I will tell you why, but first I would like to share a little timetable. (I'm still sick, by the way.)

11:30pm last night: went to bed

11:30-12:29 couldn't breathe

12:30 finally fell asleep with open mouth and head propped up at 90 degree angle from body

2:00ish woke up having odd form of hot flash (that or the gremlins spilled a glass of water on my chest)

2:15 fell back asleep

6:30 woke up with open mouth and tongue covered in dust and concrete. Staggered to bathroom to get drink of water. Landlady J's cat (who I am feeding while she's away this week) sensed from outside that I was up from the second I pulled back my duvet and immediately took up her post outside the front door and began meowing. I swear she's been doing this all week. If I let her in, she claws at things and begs for food. If I put her out, she scratches at the doors (both front and back) and sets up this incessant wailing to be let back in. I have never in my life been so close to wishing (and being willing to be the cause of) actual bodily harm on an animal. I mean, hello, I am an Animal Lover!!! She's doing it right now. "Meow? Meow? Meow?" If I were the neighbors I would throw beer bottles at her--or possibly a refrigerator.

6:30: took lots of Ibuprofin in the hopes that my face would stop hurting. Quite possibly my sinuses have enough pressure to do . . . something pressureful. I dunno. Shoot a cannon or whatever.

6:45 couldn't fall back asleep

6:50 still no sleepy

6:55 nope

7:00 not gonna happen

7:05 turned computer on and looked up Student Health Center info, making note to call for an appointment Monday morning if I don't feel better.

7:10 noticed my mom was on Skype, so called her so that she could say comforting things to me

8:00 went downstairs because my face hurt real bad. Remembered that my Landlady had mentioned having some of those flu relief drinks in the house. Proceeded to tear apart kitchen looking for them in the hope that they might contain decongestant.

8:07 found them--available flavors are blackcurrant and lemon--and a jar of possibly expired and odorless Vicks Vabo-Rub.

8:10 took sip of hot lemon drink. Gagged uncontrollably, as it was The Absolute Worst Thing I have ever tasted. It rivaled Tahitian Noni, people.

8:15 need for decongestant outweighed need to not gag, so plugged nose and downed the mug. Did Shudder/Gag Dance in the kitchen. Now, tell me, England. WHY on this green EARTH would you ever want someone to experience something like that? Why??? Do you have something against pills? Do you have something against me??? What??

9:00 took long, hot, steaming shower, which felt absolutely marvelous. I breathed through my nose for the first time in days. Never wanted to get out.

9:25 applied Victoria Secret's Love Spell lotion to my legs. Realized I wasn't smelling the lotion. Took lid off the bottle, stuck nose in and inhaled deeply: nothing. I have absolutely no sense of smell. I couldn't even smell Vicks Vaporub.

Now, here's the trick: If my sense of smell is gone, then my sense of taste is severely limited as well. And if that lemon drink had the power to make someone with no sense of taste do the Shudder Gag Dance Handshake in the kitchen, then what does it taste like normally? Am now convinced that this is some twisted example of the Stiff Upper Lip/Mustn't Grumble complex.

And if you ever catch me touching that hot drink powder again it will be because all the other drugs are gone and I'm cutting lines of it to snort.

Posted in: England