Haha!

This has made my day! Extracted from Roadrunner Records:

HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.

POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave...without the princess.

VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her.Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell's eternity.

PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the â??HEAVY METALâ?? protagonist.

INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes anobscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are
still looking for the one who did this.

CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to 'thank' the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."

GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.

BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.

NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him, he gets eaten. The princess
is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.

-----

Entertaing indeed. =)

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Do those scrubs come in pink?

The other day Landlady J went to the dentist and told me that her dental assistant talked constantly in a really high voice. I tried to explain to her about the dental assistants in Provo. And how it's sort of the alternative for girls who don't want a 4-yr degree but want to be taken more seriously than beauty school students. This way, they get to wear scrubs which makes it seem as though they are doctors or other medical-type people. And you see them in line at Cafe Rio with their tanned skin and startling white teeth and two-toned blonde highlights and acrylic nails. And scrubs. And some of them have done me grevious wrongs and are on my list of people to kill.

I realize some may find this a gross overgeneralization, and they might write in to say that I am so completely wrong because their little sister is a dental assistant and she does it because she loves people and teeth and taking X-rays and it's totally noble. Fine. Bully for your sister. I also realize that there is a difference between dental assistants and dental hygienists. Dental assistants train for 9-11 months. Dental hygienists train for 2-4 years and are the ones who are allowed to put sharp pointy objects in your people's mouths.

Shortly thereafter I got on LDS Linkup to change my profile from "In a Relationship" to "Single." (Let the letters from creepy old European and Latin-American men commence!) When I was done I clicked on one of the "Recent Additions" because the pic included a line from Wicked ("Dancing through Life") and I sort of have Wicked on the mind.

I kid you not, here's what I found. The girl is:

• 22
• blond
• blue eyed
• quite tan
• wearing some sort of cowgirl outfit
• from Arizona
• aaaand . . . a dental assistant

Her hobbies include boys, flirting, and kissing. She also loves "doing just about anything that is just very fun and exciting!" All the statements in her "About Me" and "Who I'd Like to Meet" sections include an exclamation mark.

Out of curiosity, I did a search for "dental assistant" under Occupations.

1,536 results--almost all are females.

I'm just saying. It's officially the Mormon equivalent of hair school, and now I don't even need to feel bad for saying so. The numbers, they are on my side.

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Malacca Trip

Regardless of the little delay in the update of my ''pilgrimage" to Malacca, I shall recall and write out my experiences here with you.

27th May:

Waking up at 6 plus am on a saturday morning is not a thing you would want to do, but the notion of getting away from Singapore - The Stress Furnace is enough an motivation. So, I departed my lair in the groggy state to Golden Mile Complex for the bus. Reached Golden Mile Complex - The Thai Heaven, and waited for the arrival of the bus. Due to the incessant nags of my parents, I was chased off to the toilet to relieve myself as they have warned, it's going to be a long ride. Okay, so I abided them and went. I thought the toilets there at Golden Mile Complex were dirty enough, until I reached my destination.

Following next, I boarded the bus which proved to be rather unsatisfactory regardless of their advertisements. Nonetheless, the journey began. I popped my earphones and inserted Rammstein's Reise Reise into my pathetic little discman. How very appropriate. Listening to Reise Reise on a bus ride to Malasyia. Lol. If you are wondering, Reise actually means "journey" in german. =)

The scenery zoomed past and the droning of the bus continued. The air from the air conditioner holes blew on my sleepy face, freezing it. Soon, slumber seized control.

That slumber was discontinued when the bus reached the 2nd Link Checkpoint. Not very willing to leave my seat, I dragged myself down and had my (empty) passport branded.

Back to the bus, we continued heading to Malacca.

The dreaded silence in the bus continued. Uninteresting. Boredom. Until, my brother pointed out to me, 'Wow, what a huge cloud." That is not something you would call from a cyber-addicted kid even you force him to. Then, my brother asked me a rather retarded question, "What happens if it falls down?" I merely said, "It will die." My brother held on to his chest, looking heartbroken that that huge cloud will die. I commented again, "My condolences." That is how bored we are in the bus.

Then, the silence returns.

After approximately 4 hours, we reached Malacca finally. Checked into Century Mathoka Hotel and went to stroll around the streets of Malacca. Had their Chicken Rice Balls for lunch, a rather fresh idea to eat rice in the form of balls. Feels like I'm eating fishballs at first. Weirdness. Anyhow, after filling our hungers, we went off to walk even more along the streets and found out that the shops are rather boring, selling the same kind of soveniurs. Yawns. The unbearable heat outside encouraged us to head back to Mathoka Parade.

Back to the humane conditions of an air-conditioned shopping mall, I might say it's a rather huge mall, but very under-developed in terms of Singaporeans' expectations.

As planned to meet up with Brendan, I went to Burger King and saw him there. So, we flourished and chatted for a while. Not forgetting to film some stuff before I leave the place, we did some filming and had a great time together. Nice to meet you, Brendan. =)

Later in the day, we went to taste the Malaysian Nonya food. However, due to poor spatial skills on my father's side, we ended up walking on tourists-barren streets that are filled with Indians and dark corners. Pissed and hungry, we finally gave in and took a cab to the resturant.

Reached the resturant, we were thoroughly amazed that their coke comes in those traditional glass bottles instead of cans! Savouring ancient coke and gobbling down spicy Nonya food, we had our dinner.

After dinner, it's already around 9 plus in the night. Tired, we headed back to the hotel and took a refreshing shower. After some time in the hotel room letting our legs rest from all the walk, my mom suggested to go for a midnight movie. Alright, here we set off again to the streets once again. Guess what?! Their movie price is only RM 8 and S$ 4.00! God damn fucking cheap. Anyhow, we chose Over The Hedge. Whilst waiting for the movie to start, we went to the bowling alley and watched Malaysians and their at-times weird bowling techniques. Getting entertained for a while, it's time for the movie.

Well, you get for how much you pay... $4 show = no adverts to watch/songs to listen before the show + small theatre + bad air conditioning. About the show, I slept alseep.

After that show, we were all totally worn out and yearning for our hotel rooms and beds. Heaven hates us by releasing his cum. Unable to exit the building, we loitered around the carkpark for half an hour before the skies showed any signs of mercy. Unable to wait any longer, we rushed back irregardless of the rain.

Ahhhh. Rest finally, at 3 am.

28th May is utterly boring, I shall not describe it. Bought Dimmu Borgir's Stormblast 2005 tho. And it sucked.

Then, back to Singapore!

Singapore rules!

I had enough seeing Keluar signs above doors,
Ling
30th May 2006AD

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I'm gonna go get one of those job things

The Networking People say that when you're on the lookout for a job you should tell everyone, because you never know where the Big Tip might come from. So, this is me attempting to invoke the Mighty Powers of Networking by doing just that.

I'm thinking about moving back to UT in the fall. Just a few reasons for this are:

1. I know people there.
2. I may end up having to get a low-paying library assistant-type job for the first year, and it will be a lot easier to live on the cheap in UT for a while than in someplace cool but strangle-you-with-your-own-intestines-expensive like London or Boston or Seattle. That can come later when I'm making more than $8 an hour.
3. Coney's might be hiring. Free custard, baby!
4. If all else fails, I will head for the desert and try polygamy. They probably don't make you get a job if you're wearing Laura Ingalls Wilder dresses and hiding out on a compound.

So. Here's where I grovel. I know some people who have been on here are library students or librarians or know people who work in libraries or have been to a library or know that it's wrong to pronounce it "liberry." I'd like to get your input on what the library job sitch is like in UT, or if anyone knows of any upcoming openings or good contacts or advice or anything like that. Also if anyone who works in libraries wants to pass my name on that would be great too. Only please don't tell them that Miss Nemesis wants a job. They'll probably think I'm some sort of dominatrix weirdo. I'll give you the real name if you email me!

Right now I'm thinking Salt Lake Valley, Utah Valley, and Logan. I'm up for public or academic libraries. Or school libraries, even though I don't have a teaching degree. Or, really, whatever I can get.

And even though I have zero experience working in an actual library and might not get any this summer on account of England is mean, I do have customer service, marketing, editing, supervisory, working with children and teenagers, bow-hunting, and other great skills. And I never compliment myself, but my friends say I am doing quite well in the top librarianship program in the UK. The soonest I would be in UT is probably the last week of September

So, if anyone has some crumbs to throw, I'd be grateful. You can comment or email, whichever you prefer. Please don't make me go live in Alaska and work at the Dimond Mall food court. I would really prefer to avoid that.

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I've never FELT so alive!!!

I have two things to say here if I can calm down enough to say them.

The first thing is that I just got my tax refund. I didn't think I would be eligible for the Lifetime Learning or whatever rebate ($2,000) for the tuition I paid last year, on account of it's a UK school that doesn't have an agreement with the Dept of Ed. But I answered all the questions honestly and carefully and figured I would just see what happens. They could give me the money, or they could not give it to me and send me a letter that said "Nice try, fool" or they could send black-suited men to my door to cart me off to prison. Only guess what??? They gave it to me! $2,528!! That's half a car!! That's 8 months' rent! That's a furnished IKEA apartment!

The other news is that I am the absolute luckiest girl in the world. Some of you may not get what I'm excited about, but some of you will. And you will know. Yesterday I checked out a London Theatre Guide site and saw Wicked listed as one of the upcoming shows. It opens one week before I leave for my brother's wedding in Alaska. Only that's not even all! The lead will be played by IDINA MENZEL from the original Broadway cast (she won a Tony for it). And I'm going! I'm going! Me me me meeee!!! I booked tickets right then for the September 9th matinee and Goldilocks is coming too. It will be my dissertation present to myself. I was so keyed up last night that I couldn't even sit still. And now I'm listening to the soundtrack because I am a big giddy nerd.

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Not too much to ask

I've had an epiphany.

For the last little bit I've been thinking about where I would like to go in the fall (other than a tropical island that is owned by me and where only people that I like can come and live). So in my head I've been going over the merits of England and, say, Utah in an attempt to get a logical view of things. What I've come up with, though, is that I want both. No matter which I choose, there would be aspects of the other that I would miss enough to become cranky over it.

My solution, then, is to combine the two, much like the good people who decided that it was too cruel to make me decide between peanut butter and chocolate and so put them together, thereby earning eternal glory.

All I have to do is find a place that has all of these things and I'll be set:

Green English countryside
Public footpaths
Baby lambs
Custard on all desserts
Castles and stately homes
Easy access to Europe
British chocolate
Men with British accents
Big singles wards (the right-thinking kind with older people)
Real Mexican food
Ice cream shops
Wide streets with no parallel parking
Target
Sunshine
Legal permission to work
Gas that costs less than $10 a gallon

Any ideas?

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The Telling

This story didn't happen to me, it happened to my friend who briefly blogged under the psuedonym Mistress of Mayhem. She is aptly named, I feel, because she has more crazy stories of her encounters with weirdos than anyone I have ever met in my life, including the Iraqi hair-stylist man on a train in Germany who wanted to marry her for a green card and kept telling her, "I could loff you." It is her latest encounter which I share with you now.

First off, let me say that MM is getting married tomorrow in Seattle, and the whole story is just extra romantic, and we are thrilled that she is so happy. Here is a picture of MM and her fiance. See how cute and happy they are?

Anyway. It seems there are some people out there who are idiots and don't know when to keep their fat mouths shut. When she brought her engagement pictures in to work, some guy told her that he didn't recognize her in the picture because "you look a lot skinnier in the photograph than you do in person!"

Now really, Who does that???

But that's not even it. You could possibly just chalk that up to the guy being clueless and tactless and not asking permission from someone smarter before speaking.

This next one is the one that kills me. A lady in a restaurant in Provo overheard MM talking about the wedding, so she butted into the conversation and said, "I don't think you should be eating, because a girl like you could stand to lose a few pounds. It wouldn't kill you."

Aaaaaand this is the part where my jaw completely dropped and the air left my body in a huge gasp and I had no words. I think my mind had to reboot from the shock of it.

MM, because she is the epitome of gracious behavior, responded with, "Well, I am hungry, and though I could lose a little weight, I hadn't thought starving myself to be a great option."

And the cow, instead of being shamed by behavior that should have rightly earned her several bricks to the teeth, retorted, "Well, this should be the most important day of your life, and it won't hurt you to go 3 or 4 days without any food. Might help a little, you know."

Might help WHAT, exactly??? Might make her groom love her more because she lost 3 pounds? And in what possible universe is MM's weight any of this lady's business? I wish so, so, SO very badly that I had been there. Because even though I don't like getting in actual real arguments with people, I would have made an exception for this one. I would have suggested that she lose a few pounds too--starting with a lobotomy. And that she take herself right back to whatever bridge she crawled out from under.

Also, MM isn't fat! At all! And even if she were, so what? She happens to be one of the kindest, smartest, funniest people I know. Why would anyone want to stomp on her happiness like that in the name of being helpful? MM is, in fact, the kind of person who, two days before her wedding, asked how I was doing and actually listened when I told her. Anyone else would have had a hard time focusing on anything that wasn't to do with the upcoming wedding (which is understandable), but not her, and that's just one of the many reasons why I love her.

And so tomorrow, even though I can't be there, I'm going to be crossing fingers, toes, knees, and elbows in the hope that everything will go smoothly for her. Best wishes, dearest!

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Proof.

That's it. I'm a nerdy metalhead.

Just attempted the online Enzyme Diagnostic Test, and I got 13 upon 14. I did not even touch my notes. I fucking swear I did not.

So, I want to be home-schooled! I do leaps and bounds better at home academically. Hello! 'Home-School Petition and Campaign'. =)

I am a geek,
Ling
26th May 2006 AD

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Treating myself

Tomorrow I will tell you a story that will have you shrieking in dumbfoundery and phoning your Senators and/or other elected representatives. But that's tomorrow. Today you are just going to get a list of random things that I've been doing to indulge myself.

I bought a shirt yesterday. That wasn't really an indulgence because I was having an interview with a recruitment agency rep who was visiting the department and needed to look nice. Because it was in the 40s and raining (grrr to you, England!) I took the bus and went to Primark, the cheapest store, to find the cheapest button-up dress shirt I could find. I turned my other one grey back in November with the black-sock-in-the-white-laundry bidness. I tried on a blue one with the fabric all crinkly and twisty like the cool kids are wearing their fabric nowadays, only it sort of made me look like a deranged male lampshade. Then I was lucky to find a normal 3/4 sleeve light pink one for 4 quid. It's more polyester than cotton, and is practically see-through, but I didn't care. And hey, you know what my mom says about pink . . .

The indulgence part came at the end when I treated myself to a pair of hair bobbles that I've been eyeing for months. (Fact: they call them hair bobbles here.) They're just hair elastics with a gauzy fabric flower on. One is blue, the other is a creamy color. And I kind of love them with a deep and unreasonable love. They were one pound. (And now Amyjane is rolling her eyes at me for not buying the things in the first place if it's just one stinking pound. I can see you doing it, and don't you "for the love" me, missy!)

It's a good thing I got me some hair bobbles though, because the shirt ended up being a waste of money. The interviewer lady took one look at my CV, heard the part where my visa runs out in January, and nicely said the words which translated to "Yeah, you're screwed, buh-bye."

Other indulgences:

Bought new kind of cheese at Sainsbury's. It's called Cheshire and is apparently a tangy crumbly cheese. We'll see how it goes.

Bought brie and a baguette.

Read Emily of New Moon by L.M. Motgomery because my university library didn't have Anne of Green Gables (sacrilege!). Actually, the library's fiction offerings are quite sporadic and strange. You come across piles of Salman Rushdie and Margaret Atwood but no Helen Fielding or Peter Mayle or other people I want to read at the moment. The children/young adult section is even worse. It's just a few piddly shelves with all these UK children's books from the 1950s with titles like The Littlest Whippet. And some Harry Potter, of course.

Took long walk into town in the sunshine today (thanks, England! Love you the most!) and saw that the roses are starting to bloom, which is a beautiful life-affirming thing.

Saw a station wagon with Corgi stickers all over the windows, including one that said "Pembroke Corgis being transported." So, you know, somebody loves her Corgis. Maybe she and Queen Elizabeth get together to talk shop.

Didn't even feel bitter when I saw couples holding hands but instead thought, "Awww . . . they're in loooove." Only then I saw this teenaged goth couple making out on a bench in the marketplace and I thought some other things, like "Get a haircut, punk" and "You might want to rethink sharing the same hair dye" and "Sweetie, try getting a pair of jeans that fit, so that your pasty flabby back doesn't hang out of them while you're hunched over your skeezy dropout boyfriend sucking his face off in front of the entire high street." So yeah, that was a step back, possibly. Or it just means that I still hate overboard PDA as much as I always have.

And now I'm done rambling for the day. I promise tomorrow's will be a doozy, though.

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Surprise.

I am Jack's sense of complete amazement.

I actually passed my Chemistry test which I thought I will fail pretty badly. Although I merely passed it by one point. Adding to my surprise, I used to fail majority of my sec 4 chemistry tests and I actually passed a JC level one. Wow.

=)

I'll stop bragging now,
Ling
25th May 2006 AD

It's raining heaven's cum outside, and I can't go home. :( Stuck in the library's computer lab with a roomful of noise-generating creatures isn't going to help me destress after school, especially one after PW. That abomination, spawn of Satan.

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Dani updates the minions II.

Dani Filth, or more affectionately known as Count Backwerdz in the recent years, have generously sedated our ever-growing hunger for more Filth action by posting the finalised (and banned) art work of their latest opus, Thornography.

Seriously speaking, it's not up to the expectations of many Cradle fanatics including me as well. Well, let the picture do the talking. From the professional perpective of a (hopelessly) obsessed Cradle of Filth maniac, the art work of Thornography isn't the best shot of Cradle. I, personally still prefer, Cruelty and The Beast's artwork.

Due to a frustrating technical problem regarding the persistent tardiness of Blogger, a link could make my life better. =)

Alright! So much for telling all the crap that you wouldn't want to know, I shall contnue with more. =)

"Spam" isn't the right word to use here, but it's the first word that comes to my mind.

But hey! It's my frikking blog, I do what I want. =) Thank you.

So much for talking to myself. Bleah.

Yesterday saw the (extremely) dull lecture on Chemical Bondage. Being the typical generator of all crap, I modified the section of "Metallic Bond" into a more metalhead-friendly "Metallica Bond". "HA!", I commented. Then more muses come zooming back into my infected mind, I wroted down at the side, "Master of Electrons" and "Enter Electronman" with immense pride. There, I entertained myself. =)

Oh yes, I can't wait to depart Singapore for a 2 day retreat to Malacca. Can't wait. Happy doing your Maths test, 1S03! =) [patting on your shoulder encouragingly] Ha. Such mockery. Okay, okay, I'm too mean there.

Bah, writer's mental block is infecting me once again. Argh!

Alright, till the next time, keep pointing those \m/s! =)

6/6/06 is nearing,
Ling
24th May 2006 AD

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Might as well become a criminal

I decided that in this time of change, I should do something crazy. And since drinking, drugs, smoking, cussing, exercising, and having the sex are out, I had to find something a bit more low-key. So I have embraced the criminal activity of P2P file-sharing.

I know! Are you shocked?

It was actually my Legal & Professional Issues class here which made me question whether or not I should be worrying about copyright infringement all the time. And yes, I realize how twisted that is. I'm sure by the time I've finished writing a dissertation all about Open Access, and about how people should just stop being so darn stingy with their stuff, I probably won't have any principles left. I'll have a pirate name and everything! Aaaaarrrrr!

(This doesn't mean, though, that I'll be okay with people using my stuff in nefarious ways. If anyone tries to pass my stuff off as theirs, I'll mess them up with my pirate weaponry.)

I decided to download the sountrack from The Last of the Mohicans. And no, I'm not a geek, so shut up. I wanted to hear something inspirational, okay? Also Daniel Day-Lewis + Hair Extensions + Buckskin = Hot. Only when I did the search in LimeWire, I found out that the P2P world is a mess, people. I found the exact same track listed under the following names:

Enya - Last of the Mohicans - Promentory
last of mohicans--yanni
James Horner - Last of the Mohicans theme
John Williams - last of the mohicans theme
Last of the Mohicans (Riverdance) theme
Clannad--last of mohicans--proment
Last of the Mohicans (irish fiddle) yanni
(and lots of variants of the above)

The track I was looking for was "Promentory" from the soundtrack by Trevor Jones and Randy Edelman. How in the world is anyone meant to slog through all that junk? And who is doing the labeling on these things? Are they just picking names out of thin air or something? I'm telling you. Those people need a librarian, because that is just shameful. No wonder people are willing to just buy the stuff off I-Tunes where at least they'll get the right thing. I downloaded an entire track which turned out to be something from Braveheart, which, you know, is actually a completely different film altogether and contains bagpipes. So not only do they need a librarian, but they possibly also need an additional system for ensuring that uploaded files are labeled correctly--like possibly a hand with a gun that comes out of the screen and shoots offenders in the face.

So then I gave BitTorrent a go, and 14 hours later I had my soundtrack. Only then I had to email WR to find out how to open APE files because they wouldn't open, and he kindly obliged by providing a link to this extra software I had to download, which did work.

But seriously, this? This didn't feel like cheating The Man. This felt like work, people. And I just don't know if I'm cut out for the criminal life anymore.

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Just, you know, FYI . . .

WR and I have broken up.

It was all very civil and friendly-like, on account of I had already gotten most of the crying out of my system already. Things had been rocky for a while and we both realized it was time to call it.

Also, it feels a bit liberating and hopeful to realize that it's meant to be better than this--that we're meant to be happier than we have been these past few months. And it feels good to know that I will feel that way eventually, even though I'm sad that it couldn't be with WR.

Only this is not the place for the badmouthing of WR, so please nobody do it or I'll have to get all censory on you. We're still friends, we still have all the same friends, he reads this blog, and I'm not about to make this into some big dramatic sides-taking thing when it just isn't. This is me taking the high road and being a mature and self-actualized individual. If there are things you feel you must say, my email address is in my profile.

Of course, now I'm becoming reacquainted with the brick-sucking crap that is being single. For the past 7 months I've had this protective buffer where it didn't matter that the world is full of idiot men because I didn't actually have to have any dealings with them. Now it DOES matter again. A lot.

A random guy called up and asked me out and I couldn't just say, "Sorry, I'm dating someone." I had to say, "Sorry, I just ended a relationship and I'm sort of a mess right now and not at all interested in dating, but thank you." This didn't make a dent with this man, who then went on to ask if it matters to me that he's 40 years old. And shorter than me. And crazy. And could he call me next month, then.

A guy I've never even met before just out of nowhere walked up to me yesterday while I was making a sandwich (a big group of us were at a friend's for lunch). Without even saying hello or introducing himself he demanded that I tell him how old I am. He has no idea how close I came to using my tomato-slicing knife on a completely different set of globular surfaces right then. As it was, he must have sensed danger when I snarled, "Why do you want to know?" He didn't come near me the rest of the day. Smart lad.

On the bright side, my blog should start making for some better reading. Because I'm pretty sure that the Bitter Spinster version of me is more entertaining than the blissfully-happy-in-love version, or the miserable-and-insecure-in-slowly-dying-relationship version.

Bring it on.

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Life...

Seemann - Rammstein

Komm in mein Boot
ein Sturm kommt auf
und es wird Nacht

Wo willst du hin
so ganz allein
treibst du davon

Wer hält deine Hand
wenn es dich
nach unten zieht

Wo willst du hin
so uferlos
die kalte See

Komm in mein Boot
der Herbstwind hält
die Segel straff

Jetzt stehst du da an der Laterne
mit Tränen im Gesicht
das Tageslicht fällt auf die Seite
der Herbstwind fegt die Straße leer

Jetzt stehst du da an der Laterne
hast Tränen im Gesicht
das Abendlicht verjagt die Schatten
die Zeit steht still und es wird Herbst

Komm in mein Boot
die Sehnsucht wird
der Steuermann

Komm in mein Boot
der beste Seemann
war doch ich

Jetzt stehst du da an der Laterne
hast Tränen im Gesicht
das Feuer nimmst du von der Kerze
die Zeit steht still und es wird Herbst

Sie sprachen nur von deiner Mutter
so gnadenlos ist nur die Nacht
am Ende bleib ich doch alleine
die Zeit steht still
und mir ist kalt

----

The above is an extremely nice and harrowing song by Rammstein, and due to my randomness, decided to post it here.

I think I have committed the cardinal sin of blogging: Not posting regularly.

Alright.. So, what's new?

Oh yes, first thing first, I'm heading off to Malacca on the 27th! =) Yay. Will be meeting Brendan for some video filming and flourish-exchange. But this adventure of mine will be seen as miniscule as compared to Daren's trip to USA Las Vegas. Shucks, I wanna go to Las Vegas and meet all the flourishers there.

And, yes, Cradle of Filth's Thornography's artwork is apparently completed, and I cannot wait any longer. It is banned in the States, so you can infer how explicit will the artwork be. =) All hail Cradle of Filth. \m/

On an academic note, I seriously do not care. =)

And also, 6th June 2006 is nearing! Whoo. Ok, random.

I've watched Da Vinci Code already, I must say it's not meeting my expectations of a brilliant thriller movie. I really recommend reading the novel than heading to the box-office. It has too many details for a movie. I really dig the Opus Dei (anti)hero, Silas aka the masochistic albino monk. :p

die Zeit steht still,
Ling
21st May 2006 AD

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Hah!

I am free, free, free!

I finished my last paper at 30 minutes before the deadline. And I got a blessing from my home teachers the night before when they came over, which I can now totally recommend. I wasn't stressed out or rushed or anything at the end. So that was really, really nice.

Of course, all my fingernails are gone now. And half my toenails. But it could be worse.

Also I dreamed that my Collection Management teacher turned all evil and threatened to kill me because I hadn't finished writing the paper for her yet. That was a bit freaky. Instead of her normal sassy Scottish friendly self, she suddenly became like that really sneaky evil aristocrat lady that Lindsay Duncan played in Tom Jones and I kept expecting her to rake her nails down my face all slow like she did to that poor footman.

But now it's all okay. And then I got myself all dolled up in my 40s dress and did the hair and wore the pearls and the shoes which did not match and ate marinated brie on toast for dinner and had a good time. So thanks for pulling for me, everyone!! You won't have to do it again until September!

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We're going down we're going down we're going dooown

Points to whomever gets this one.

Don't even ask me how it's going on the Collections Management essay. So far I have about 1400 words, which would be great except for the part where only about 300 of them are actually mine. The rest is just stuff I've pasted in from sources. Hoo boy.

What would be great is a tragedy or natural disaster or illness so that I could get an extension on this one, because man I am having a hard time focusing. Here's what I have been doing instead:

• Trimming split ends off my hair
• Writing a CV which I have to mail out tomorrow for a job I will not get
• Listening to Savannah read me No David! and the Charlie & Lola book I got her, at which point my ovaries started digging their elbows into me and muttering mean stuff about how I never let them do anything good.
• Almost eating deli-sliced roast beef that had gone bad but the smell stopped me in time. I swear England, does all your food have to be so dang fresh all the time?
• Talking to my dad and my sister on G-talk
• Pondering the Futility of it All

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One down . . .

I just finished my 2500-word paper on copyright. Rejoice with me! And in my Management and People Skills class it says that an important part of time management is celebrating when a task is completed or a goal is achieved.

My preferred celebration choice (a 90-minute full-body massage with heated rocks, essential oils, white Egyptian cotton towels, and people feeding me brie and strawberries through the little hole that I put my face in) does not seem to be materializing. So instead, this is me celebrating with a blog post. And a Snickers.

You can tell who the postgraduates in the computer lab are. Not only are we old, wrinkled, and debauched, but every now and then we glare at the young children chatting away on their cell phones. Because no one is allowed to be happy when we have deadlines to meet, you hear??

Now just have 3,000-word essay on Collection Management to write and exactly 72 hours to do it in.

Bring it on.

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Coma White.

I have got say I am addicted to watching Daren's new video, Coma White.

The smoothness. The feel of everything. The music. Those delectable Stud cards. Phew. All are practice-inspiring.

Watch The Skillz Man here at Decknique.net.

Watching flourishes has become better than watching porn,
Ling
15th May 2006 AD

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ever so sorry

But this week is going to be crazy as I try to finish these last two big papers by Friday afternoon. This will likely involve all-nighters, poor hygiene, alienation of family and friends, and powerful mind-altering substances produced by Cadbury.

See you when it's all over!

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Cruelty brought thee Fatigue.

Was having dinner with my family at Marina Bay BBQ just now. Due to the excess of silence and boredom around the sputtering pan of oil and mostly, overcooked meat, me and my brother thought of a parody of The Exorcist's famous exorcism scene.

To better explain my version of the scene, a diagram would be helpful.

Firstly, the possessed would sit opposite of the priest.

The hungry priest would add loads of butter on the pan. Due to his (lack of) skill, he flicked his wrist and the dap of butter flew off at an angle that it rebounced off the pan as soon as it landed. And, flying directly at the face of the possessed.

The possessed then shriek out in the voice of Linda Blair, 'It BURNS!'

The priest would then reply, 'Tell me your name, demon!', as he went on to question his writhing pieces of meat on the pan, as a joke.

Then, I don't know how to continue already.

On a serious note, if I'd get a dollar everytime I yell out in anguish, 'PW sucks!'. I think I can buy like 3 decks of Jerry Nuggets. That's how bad PW can piss you.

I can only hope for better days to come,
Ling
13th May 2006 AD

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DB officially gone nuts.

Alright, David Blaine has officially gone nuts. He does not seem like a homo sapien any longer, and that is freaky.

To prove this insanity, I have a video of this latest stunt, Drowned Alive, a name that lacks creativity as his previous stunt was named Buried Alive.

So here's it;

Blaine gone nuts.

Madness. Sheer madness. Then, I proceeded to re-enact that dramatic scene by holding my breathe in the bathroom myself. Hahaha! What mockery. Whatever.

Anyhow, I just came back from a pub where there's live music on demand. I am so very sorely disappointed. Metal music is seriously under-estimated. Sigh, I exhale. Metal Music needs a Leader to bring it to greater heights. And, I am very passionate to do it, although I, myself, lack the musical talent for it.

In the midst of being there, I pondered. How fucking cool will it be to have a metal music based pub. I'd go there every single day that I can breathe and walk. Just imagine. Metal music on demand. Oh my god. That would be sheer ownage to the maximum. I really wish for such a place to exist... But, us - the left out devoted legions of metal music, could only and always hope and wish... Sadness. Our voices are practically rejected even before people consider to hear our opinions. Dismissed. Ignored. Rejected. Stereotyped. Labelled. Condemned. Deounced. My heart is aflame with the undying passion for this form of music, and it shall burn inside forever, radiating only the flesh of my heart and the others who thinks the same path as I do. Why? I sometimes questioned myself. No answers came. We are ignored, remember?

The Ignored and mostly Condemned,
Lamenting Ling
13th May 2006 AD

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Because I only do boring things now

Here is your boring Blog post about what I'm doing with my boring paper-writing time life. It'll only be a quick update though because I have to hurry and get back to The Boring.

1. My cute visiting teachee hooked me up with a dress for the 40s ball and it is very pretty. It's actually made from the fabric that her mother was going to use to make her bridesmaids' dresses last year. Only then her fiance broke off the engagement, which was sad, and around New Year's CVT needed a nice new dress and said, "Meh, screw it" and used the fabric, which was good for her. Also that just goes to show that you get blessings when you do your visiting teaching.

2. I won't bore you with the details of the papers I still need to write. Just trust that they're there and they're a pain in my butt.

3. I went to talk to the University Library guy today, and he said that maybe they could come up with a work experience thing for me to do, but it would be a pain to organize and all the staff would hate me because I wouldn't actually be doing anything but taking their time away from their actual jobs. That was the subtext anyway, which I can appreciate. Nice guy though. Lovely Irish accent.

4. I requested an application to apply for a part-time library assistant job at a local college (high school). We'll see. Turns out Landlady J worked there once. She says my chances will be better if I don't mention her.

5. It's gorgeous outside and I wish I were there. Instead I am most definitely inside staring at my computer with my eyes turning dry and bloodshot and every 45 minutes or so I remember to lower my shoulders from their elevated position next to my ears.

Hope y'alls Thursdays are not suckfests.

The End.

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Realization

I just realised I am a nerdy metalhead.

This post is useless. But I like it this way. =)

I just got my brains fried after the chemistry test in which I furiously scribbed the (in)correct answers. Bah, who cares?!

And, I finally got a response of someone whom I used to cherish so dearly. For this, thank you. And I thank you immersely. =)

Life is a BITCH, it really does,
Ling
11th May 2006 AD

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Apparently the UK is now AGAINST free labor

If you ask me they're taking that post-colonialism guilt a bit too far.

Yesterday I called my local public library to see if they had any volunteer work I could do over the summer. They told me that the county does not currently have a "voluteer scheme" in place. I asked Landlady J what the heck that meant, and she says it's to do with beaurocracy and Health & Safety. Because if they had volunteers in the building then they would be somehow responsible for them even though they're (gasp!) not insured. I don't think it would help if I promised not to sue in the event of a papercut.

I was kind of stunned though, to meet public librarians who aren't begging for volunteers to combat their budget cuts and staffing crises. So I must conclude that there are secret, other reasons why they don't want volunteers at the library.

Ahem. Here's what they probably think:

• I'm an addict who will run a drug ring during storytime.
• I'm secretly homeless and plan to sleep in the stacks.
• I might corrupt the patrons with my Yankee ways.
• I plan to steal copies of Barbara Cartland novels. Only I could so write that crap myself. I would just have to make sure that the heroine is always breathless, tremulous, and uses a lot of ". . ."s when she talks.
• I am offering to do something for free, so I should not be trusted. But hey, if they want to pay me they are more than welcome to.

Only here's the kicker, people. Turns out there is one thing you can do for the public library. You can be part of the program that delivers books to people who can't come to the library. So, if I've got this right, they won't let me shelve books under supervision, but they'll gladly send me into the homes of elderly and disabled and house-bound people who can't even defend themselves if I should turn out to be a burglar or killer or similar.

Nice one.

After that I contact my university library to see if they need free labor. They don't know if there's anything they can do, but one of the administrators has invited me to come chat with him on Thursday. So cross your fingers for me!

ps. Ebay just emailed to say that someone else bought my dress. Way to rub my nose in it there, Buttface Ebay.

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Greetings.

Hello all, this is a time for me to update again, so sit back and relax. =)

Firstly, the General Election results. As expected always, PAP won again. What's new, right? In addition, my dad attended the rallies of the opposition parties ONLY and he said there are many things said against PAP, but the newspapers and media did not publish them. Instead, they reported everything for the good of PAP. To furthur add oil to the inferno, when the results were released. They broadcasted tonnes and tonnes of reports and updates regarding PAP and almost none on the opposition parties. What the fuck is this? I am not going to hold what the media says in high regard from now on. Biased. Very.

On a lighter note, it have been said that THE EXPLOITED is coming to Singapore! Whoo! First Slipknot, then Mayhem, now the Punk Pioneers- The Exploited! The legions of punks shall revel on 28th May 2006 AD in the presence of The Exploited. That truly means that more and more bands are coming to propagate the Unholy Concept of Metal! =) \m/ I'm lovin it! Please just consider bringing in Cradle of Filth or Rammstein or HIM, I will be more than grateful for it.

And, The Da Vinci Code is opening soon! Can't wait to watch it. Although Tom Hanks seem like a unsuiting actor for the role of Robert Landon, I would watch it still, so much so for The Da Vinci Code hype recently. Will go watch it with ma magic pals, would be a kickass outing. =)

On an academic side of reality, I have my first Biology SPA tomorrow much to my chargin. SPA is the next enemy coming after PW. I shall crucify you, sinner SPA! Seriously, I rather do the one-shot practical exam, so to save my regular and monotonous mugging sessions. And, PW, the Accuser of God, deserve to be impaled with the 7 swords of Megiddo and DIE! Okay, too much angst for anybody's health.

World Cup is coming! I think you already know which country I will support. If you didn't already make it out yourself, it's none other than the host country itself. Deustchland! Or more commonly known as Germany. And I shall sing when they score a goal, 'Deustchland uber Alles (im der Welt Tasse)!' =) Rammstein really influence me alot.

Random: I would motivate myself to run during PE with the dream of being a better metal vocalist. This works, really. =)

Alright, so much so for today's ranting. I shall halt here for today.

There is no Beast without cruelty,
Ling
9th May 2006 AD

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The eyes have it

So remember last year when I wrote about how once in a blue moon I get mail from that LDS LinkUp place? And how it's pretty much always from older European or Latin American men?

Well. It's that time, friends. I just got this from a 34-yr-old in Portugal. I've also included one of my profile pictures. You will see why.

Ahem.

Hi!, I just needed to say that I'm so impressed with your lovely eyes and smile!, they are extremely beautiful!, so fresh, sweet, spontaneous, make you look amazingly sexy, hot, charmed, unique and express many special things about you.

I read your profile and I found you extremely interesting... everything it says match perfectly with all the things you express through your eyes and smile.

Have a great day!

Yeah. I kind of feel as though he's seen Right Into My Soul. I guess I just can't help what I'm putting out there. It is amazing though, that he got all of that from my profile, since pretty much all my profile says is that

1. I'm in a relationship,
2. I'm only doing this to keep in touch with friends, and
3. I don't want to be contacted by significantly older men looking for a mail-order bride.

But, you know, maybe he read me so well that he knows what I actually meant by that.

I read it out to WR and told him that I think this must be a form letter that the guy just sends out to people. His response, "Well yes, I'd say that's pretty obvious." Hmph. I'm choosing to ignore that unflattering remark. Also I'm betting it wasn't entirely a form letter. The "sexy" part rings true to me. I'm pretty sure my Portuguese Lover really meant that.

He asked if I was going to write something sassy in reply, but I'm actually kind of a chicken when it comes to that--mostly because the guys I get these from don't write well or speak English very well. So somehow it doesn't seem fair or nice. And possibly some of them are not incredibly smart or emotionally sound, even if they can see all the secret longings hidden within my lovely eyes. (Here's a tip, guys: I was thinking about my dinner.) I mean, sure, they're the ones who are trying to use me for a visa and all, so I really shouldn't feel bad about zinging them, but I still would.

Now, if the playing field were even, I'm sure I would take great enjoyment from telling off skeezy men who send me ridiculous form letters.

Wait--Gah! GAH! Some cow has outbid me on my dress! Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap!

Please excuse me.

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lovely lovely lovely

All day it has been so gorgeous, and I think it's particularly fitting my poem at the London Underground's Poem for the Day page was this one by Emily Dickinson:

I taste a liquor never brewed -
From Tankards scooped in Pearl -
Not all the Vats upon the Rhine
Yield such an Alcohol!

Inebriate of Air - am I -
And Debauchee of Dew -
Reeling - thro endless summer days -
From inns of Molten Blue -

When "Landlords" turn the drunken Bee
Out of the Foxglove's door -
When butterflues - renounce their "drams" -
I shall but drink the more!

Till Seraphs swing their snowy Hats -
And Saints - to windows run -
To see the little Tippler
Leaning against the - Sun -

Landlady J and I decided we just couldn't take it anymore. She's working on a dissertation about rocks at the minute, so she's probably hating life a lot more than I am. We drove up to the Outwoods and spent an hour hiking around amongst the bluebells. Turns out they're a protected flower here because 20 years ago they started getting rare. Only now that you're not allowed to pick them they are spreading out, which I have no problem with.

Check out the pictures! It's like that part in The Secret Garden where suddenly all the pretty flowers just appear in the woods. Oh! (claps hand over mouth and starts the tear wave at the preciousness of it all)

Anyway, enjoy, and I hope it's sunny where you are!

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Disbelief

I still cannot believe I have met the Legends of Norwegian Black Metal, Mayhem.

So kids, don't mess with this jie-jie here. ;)

I am totally nekro,
Ling
5th May 2006 AD

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Get ready for a visual

Because I am currently jumping up and down while kicking my own butt in the manner of a deranged self-loathing cheerleader.

The weather pixie and her 50s sundress are not lying, folks. It is indeed 73--no, wait, 79 glorious Fahrenheit degrees outside. Wanna know where I am, though? I am in the computer lab working on a paper.

Wanna know where I could be? I could be at the flipping seaside right now. WR invited me because he's driving there to measure somebody's back garden or some junk for work. I said yes but then changed my mind because I needed to be responsible and productive today.

He's probably there right now, on the beach, burning himself bright pink.

Somebody kill me please.

And then this nasty lady told me not to eat my Reese's Peanut Butter cup in the computer lab. Does she even know how long it's been since I've had a Reese's Peanut Butter cup? I'm pretty sure she read my answer in my Glowing Red Eyes of Death, which probably burned holes into her skin.

Sigh . . . and now back to work. Maybe I'll go stick my head outside for a minute, just to torture myself.

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Bored.

Guess! =)

I have...
1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 3

11) taken pain killers
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 4

21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 5

31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band names
39) listened to rap
40) own a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 5

41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something
46) been too drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 5

51) snuck into someone else's room
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut
56) called someone a slut
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush
TOTAL: 5

61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall
64) skipped school
65) had an eating disorder
66) had an injury
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age
TOTAL: 7

71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexually harassed
80) been verbally harassed
TOTAL: 5

81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight
85) been to a fair
86) been called a bad influence
87) cursed
88) prank called someone
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 9!!! OMG.

91) cheated on homework
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) been pushed into a pool
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you
97) had a crush on someone younger than you
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 7

This is fun!

=)

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An update

It's May already! Time really flies. Almost half a year is gone... That means 6th June 2006 is getting closer and closer! [brightens up at the prospect of a nearing doomsday] =)

Anyways, I'm starting to feel better and finally getting used to my JC life which is extremely hectic. In addition, I am getting pissed with an abdomination, called PW. Yes, Mdm Tan is so right, PW is Satan's Spawn. I totally second her opinion. To hell with PW! Sigh.

More about Mdm Tan, I am appalled by the fact that I am beginning to appreciate her cynical, blatant sense of 'humour'. Here's one example exhibiting it: Vanessa did not answer her question as she wanted her to. Then Mdm Tan commented, 'I am to assume you forgot to bring your brain today to school.' ROFL. Mr Mok got pwned. XD

On a lighter note, I feel that my muses are returning to yours truly slowly which is a very favourable sign. Which leads to me writing a page long 'The Daily Sin' during the monotonous Chemistry lesson today. =) One of which scribbled in the spur of utter boredom, is 'As a fledging vampire, Lestat used to maim little mammals for their blood. Now, fully matured, he has developed an obsession of collecting young girls in his dungeons for his meals. His menu is often saliava-inducing.' Woot. [grins]

During the same Chemistry lesson, I spotted a group of malay women who are school cleaners, using small spades to tap on the bark of a tree, looking rather amused at the sounds the spades made on the tree. Invoking the Tree Spirit, anyone?

Random stuff now, I cannot wait for 6/06/06. I ponder if anything will happen. And, appropriately, there's a movie coming up on that infernal day, The Omen. Just cannot wait for the re-make version of Diamen Thorn. [grins again, more maliciously this time]

Oh yes, I just watched the video for 'Killing Loneliness', and Ville Valo looks better-fed now, much to my chargin. I prefer skinny Ville, in Love Metal era. That video likens itself to any typical emo-punk video which always features legions of groupies clamouring up the band. Not a good sign. HIM is getting seriously over-commericalised and I hate it. Mortals are not supposed to be in contact with such celestial tunes. Mortals = 5566, Kelvin Tan, My Chemical Bullshit, Green Poo, Good Bye (Charlotte), Pussy Ass Bitches, 50 Cent, M&M (white flavour), insert more mainstream nonsense band here, as I can't think of more right now. Die, mortals! Exterminate!

So much for the angst. Now I need to cool down. Anyhow, my book collection is getting as decent as my CD collection. =) I have fantasy to horror to classics to science fiction epic series. I step back and look at my shelf in pride. lol.

Alright, long enough a post today. Auf Wiedersehen, freuend!

Feeling slightly better,
Ling
4th May 2006 AD

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I'm pretty sure I used to be funnier

Have been looking at old postings from last summer and laughing my fool head off, thinking, "Dang, who is that funny girl and what the crap have I done with her??"

Maybe it's because I was working at BYU, which gave me much blog fodder. Or maybe it's because there were only like 3 people reading this thing and so I didn't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings when I wrote about how stupid they are. Although really, not a whole lot of funny happens when I spend all day by myself in my room, pretending to write papers. I tell you--too much alone time = not good.

I imagine by the time I'm up to my armpits in dissertation I'll be well funny, to borrow a phrase from WR.

So today you're going to get one of those obnoxious list things.

Ahem.

10 Random Facts About Me, because this is my blog and so I can make it all about me if I want to

1. I am a Red-Blue according to Hartman's color code. This means I'm complex. Neener. And that I try to be the boss of people but then want them to love me. I thought I was a White for a long time, because it turns out that's what repressed Reds sometimes look like. Only AmyJane disabused me of this notion when she took the test for me. I started yelling at her when I disagreed with her answers, which kind of cinched it. ("I am SO a White, and you can just shut your face!")

2. I hate the squeaky sound of styrofoam. It sends me completely up the wall and gives me goosebumps all over--and not the good kind of goosebumps. More like the "I'll kill you or I'll kill myself, but either way the styrofoam will stop!"

3. I love trees that blossom in the spring. That's the best kind of tree, I think. And if I ever stop living like some sort of nomadic tribeswoman and get me a house of my own, I will plant some. And then I will name the house and it will be just like I'm in Anne of Green Gables.

4. I sucked my thumb until I was 12, or some other freakishly old age. I guess I just figured that if you've found a good thing, why quit? It generally takes me a while to realize that some things just aren't worth doing anymore.

5. I had braces my senior year of high school. And goshawful bangs. And in one of my senior pictures they had me with my face nestled against a fake plastic tree trunk. There were so many things wrong with 1997, really.

6. My first kiss was at the age of 19. My mother was stunned when she learned this. "Really? You didn't even kiss your Prom date?" "No Mom, we went as friends, so why would he kiss me?" "Well he could have done it to be nice!" Because we all want our first kiss to be a Pity Kiss. Plus I think I still had braces then.

7. I don't like to drive. Seriously, not one bit. The only thing that appeals to me is the freedom/mobility. If I could afford it, I would just get a chauffer. And I would call him James. And he would call me "Yes Madam."

8. I remember movie facts. It's ridiculous, because there are plenty of things that I would like to remember and can't, like my PIN number or my family members' birthdays, but I could tell you who played Party Girl #3 in a movie I've never even seen.

9. I can't roll my r-r-r-r-r-r-s. I sound like a choking Gremlin when I try.

10. I can quote the Proposal Scene from Pride and Prejudice (the BBC one). And yes, this makes me a huge geek, but I bet I'm not the only one . . . Turns out it's really good for keeping you awake at the wheel. I'm making progress on the showdown between Lizzie and Lady Catherine as well. ("OBstinant HEADstrong girl, I'm aSHAMED of you!")

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Whooooooo's a big stupid procrastinator . . .?

I AM! I AM!

Sigh.

I should be thoroughly ashamed. I still have 1,000 words of this paper to write, and I have to completely redo the existing 1600 words so that they don't sound like a pile of rubbish. But all I want is to take a nap and hope that it will all just . . . float away, like so many petals on the wind. And now that it's 10:00 I think, "Well, huh. 10:00. No point getting started now!" This basically means that I'm going to flunk out of school. Again. Some more. It's the Dimond Center for me, boys.

What do y'all think of this dress Banana pointed me to? We have this 1940s ball thingy coming up in a couple of weeks and I guess I'm meant to wear something to it. Like, something other than the six outfits that are pretty much all I wear and which are now starting to fall apart. This is because I was too busy cramming my queen-sized down comforter from Bed Bath & Beyond into my suitcase last fall to think about packing silly things like clothes. Although, seriously? Have not regretted it once. And if any of you have ever had the good fortune to be underneath my duvet (especially with me in it, heh heh) you will understand. Anyway, I think I could be a fan of this dress. It might make me look like Olga the Milkmaid, though, with the shoulders that are made for hauling around those yokes on which people hang milk buckets. I suppose I could braid my hair in pigtails as well. So feel free to give your opinions on the dress, only nobody else bid for it, okay? Because that would be rude.

Random England Dessert facts for the day:

• Here you pour cream or custard on pretty much all desserts. I can get behind that.
• Dessert is called "pudding," which I think is cute.
• Too many desserts/puddings have raisins and sultanas in them. It's unfortunate. Once I drown the thing in custard or cream, though, I don't mind so much.
• Some people, like WR, will pour milk on his dessert in the absence of cream or custard. And then microwave it. This sometimes makes my throat close up.
• They are smart to measure themselves in stones here. Because then you have to gain about 12 pounds before your declared weight actually changes.
• Tonight's pudding was a cake that landlady J made. It had ground hazelnuts and cherries and chocolate chunks. Then we put cream on top.
• England is a good land.
  

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