Have officially made New Year's Day plans . . . whew!

Me: So we should start making plans for New Year's Day.

GH: [grunt]

Me: Except . . . huh. I'm not sure what there is to do. Seems like most things are closed.

GH: Hmmm.

(See how good he is at pretending to be engaged? I can't even get mad when he suddenly shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening to any of that. You had better start over." Because then I get to tell my stories twice, which, for a chatter-box, is pretty much like getting free dessert.)

Me: I mean . . . they made it a holiday, but what are people supposed to be DOING on that day?

GH: People are hung over that day.

Me: Oh . . . right. Well then I really don't know what our options are.

Except today my long-awaited copy of The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance: A Memoir by Elna Baker has arrived. So I know exactly what I'll be doing that day: reading this book, eating leftover chocolate fondue with a spoon (read: my fingers) and laughing my sober heiney off. Not a bad way to start a year, right?

Happy New Year, everybody, no matter how you celebrate it!

Please enjoy:

Read More

Countdown

Tree trimmed--Check, including the Gentleman Husband's beloved Sputnick.

Car prepped for the Christmas journeyings--Check, including a fresh battery for the flashlight.

Cameras and video cameras charged--Check, not that I will remember to use either of them.

Cookies baked and plated for Visiting Teachees--Check.

Cookies delivered to VTees--Nope, and now they are stale and gross.

Crucial Christmas movies watched--Joyeux Noel, A Muppet's Christmas Carol, and Under the Greenwood Tree so far. Doing good!

Knitted gifts completed--Um, still scrambling there. May be delivering some IOUs tomorrow morning.

Gifts wrapped--Yeah, not so much.

Christmas cards--Nope. Keep an eye out next year, though!

Groceries purchased & laundry done--Check, thanks to furloughed GH who gets to be my handsome house elf for the week.

Bathroom cleaned--Check, thanks to ME, and I feel I possibly deserve a major award for my efforts there. Have had to stop myself from dragging guests back there. "LOOK! The bottom of the tub is WHITE NOW!!"

Slavering over tonight's menu--Ooooh, check. My responsibilities include crab-stuffed mushrooms and the brussels sprouts + bacon from Thanksgiving because I didn't get to eat enough of them then.

Moments where I have felt the Christmas spirit--Check, check, check.

And now here's hoping that we all have several days full of peaceful, Christmas-spirit-feeling moments. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Read More

I might be going to hell

Unless, of course, hell is for people who write crap Christmas songs.

Last month I was out buying Christmas gift supplies when it started to snow. I decided to turn on the Christmas stations in the car in the hopes of enhancing the holiday buzz.

My two choices were a) that song about the kid trying to buy his dying momma shoes for when she "goes to see Jesus" that night, or b) a song, sung by a child, in the form of a letter to "Mister Jesus" pleading for an end to child abuse.

Um . . . yeah. Not so much buzz-enhancing . . .

First off, if the Wikipedia article is to be believed, that Christmas Shoes song took 4 minutes to write. This . . . does not surprise me.

Secondly, a child-abuse awareness song? Really? Was a well-meaning radio station person sitting around one day and thinking, "You know, a lot of people feel really good at Christmas. Let's fix that."? Because I looked up the song and it appears to have been written about 15 years ago and has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas.

Note: Before outraged people start saying that I don't care about child abuse, I DO care about child abuse. I just don't want to hear about it when I am trying to listen to Christmas music. Plus that little girl could barely sing. (Aaaaand here comes the lightning.)

But speaking of people who can't sing, you should check out this Christmas concert clip Sahkmet sent me. It actually will get you feeling the Christmas spirit, in between giggles.

Read More

Looks like somebody out there was thinking positive thoughts!

The universe kicked in! GH has a new job!

One minute I pretty much resigned myself to the part where he would always be working the night shift for $4.25 per hour and that one day he would die of insomnia-related causes and I would be left a zit-faced widow and that would be it. The next minute he was getting a call about a job that he barely remembered applying for over a month ago.

The interview went well and all weekend we crossed fingers and prayed that this could work out. On Sunday a man in our ward gave a talk on adversity and said that in the last year 3 of his sons have lost their jobs and he himself has had to lay off two-thirds of his own workforce. Which was a nice little (or, you know, huge) reminder that even if GH doesn't find a new job any time soon, the part where he is employed at all is a huge blessing.

This morning they called and offered him the job. He starts at the end of the month. We are both pretty much giddy--GH moreso than me because he hasn't actually slept in two days. It's a PR/Social Media sort of job. He'll have to commute about 30 minutes to the northern part of Utah County, which isn't too bad. (Aaaaand this is the part where all the Cache Valley dwellers sit up and gasp. "Utah County!?! Dat's duh debbil's land!!!" Um, guys, the two counties aren't that different from each other, and please remember whose land it is that smells like poop.)

Here are just a few of the reasons why this is wonderful news.

1. The pay is a little better than what he's currently making and hi, it's in the DAYTIME.

2. Also the health/retirement benefits are better. But I must say I just love the part where to cover 1 person on the cheapest plan it's $8 a month. To bump that up to two people it's $188 a month. Not even lying. I am also not negating what a blessing to have a job right now that offers any sort of health insurance benefit. No matter how limited and expensive that insurance may be, we're better off than the millions who don't have that option. I don't even want to get into the accounts I've heard from friends and coworkers who have to purchase their own insurance because pretty much all the stories are awful enough to make my brain explode. ("We won't cover you because 47 years ago you had a wonky mole, sorry.")

3. This could possibly be the end of GH's insomnia and the fun "guess the new stress-related physical symptom" game. (We all know mine is eye-twitches. GH moved from eye-twitches to tension headaches to back pain to, funnest of all, chest pain. Show-off.)

4. We just might get used to sleeping in the same bed at the same time.

5. GH will be working for a company that actually makes money, where he will get to do things like take lunch breaks and not write the news every day under crazy deadlines.

And, in what is perhaps the best news of all . . .

6. . . . This place has a dress code. So instead of wearing his hoodies and Vans to work every night like a skater or car thief, he will have to start wearing grown-up work clothes. This means that I get to take him shopping and dress him like my very own hot live Ken doll! (Note: Oddly, he does not see the dress code as a plus. But maybe not everything is about him.)

Best. Christmas present. Ever!

(Except for, you know, the first Christmas present which was the baby Jesus. Close second, though!)

Read More

Christmas gift for the Beatlemaniac

Sorry to interrupt my regularly scheduled NOTblogging, but I figured I'd better send out the word. Just in case anyone out there is a Beatles fan or may be shopping for one, you may be interested to learn that Amazon is offering The Beatles Monopoly (normally priced at $39.99) for $9.99 right now.

So, you know, kind of a good deal.

Except maybe if you're normal like me you shouldn't buy this for someone unless you know for SURE that they will have other people to play it with. I tell you. When I opt out of a game of Monopoly, I promise it's an act of mercy. Because bored, cranky, sick-of-Monopoly me is only a notch or so down from hungry, premenstrual me.

Read More

Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages

Multiple points for you if you catch the reference. Plus it will make me happy to think that there were people out there spending just as much time NOT kissing boys in high school as I was.




Last week GH and I hit the new In-N-Out that opened up in Draper. There were several highlights, the most surprising of which was GH's strawberry milkshake--I don't even care about strawberry milkshakes but daaaaang that was good.

Also there was the part where we really were, in fact, in and out. Even though there were loads of people, they had everything moving at a very fast and smooth pace. Within 10 minutes of walking through the door we were sitting down eating on a clean table. They imported a seasoned crew from California to get them through the first several weeks, which seemed very smart. You could tell that there was plenty of training going on and all the staff seemed cheerful and capable. (Then again, after the baptism-by-fire that was the opening weekend with its traffic directing and 2-hour lines, our crowd could have seemed like nothing.)

This is where I have to tell a story that is not mine. From the looks of things, everybody in the store was trying to be courteous about the seating thing. There was maybe a tiny bit of circling and hovering as people tried to stake out tables, and people who were eating left quickly when they were finished. So it seemed like everyone was being taken care of. When I told my sister about this, she shared with me the awesome experience that just happened to my friend (and blog designer) Jeri. Jeri and her crew went to In-N-Out, got their food, waited for a table to be cleaned, and then made their way over there. Just before they sat down, a woman behind them threw her purse over their heads so that it landed on the table, then shoved her way past them and sat down, all the while refusing to make eye contact. So Jeri, her small children, and her pregnant sister-in-law just sort of stood there, stunned.

At this point a nearby group of men, who had seen the whole thing, started laughing at that crazy beast and invited Jeri and her family to come over, where they made some room for them to sit. Because they were nice. And not crazy insane people like some other purse-throwers I could mention. Seriously, people. It's a table. At which you are going to eat a burger. Seriously. Do you really want those kind of karma points over a burger? Technically you should never behave like that at all, ever, but it just seems especially stupid over something so small.

But back to my meal, which did not contain purse-throwing. It did contain highlight #3, which was when an attractive, smiling woman stopped by our table and said "Excuse me," just as I was unhinging my jaw to take another bite out of my Double-Double Animal Style burger. For a second I thought maybe I had accidentally inhaled a small child of hers during my frenzy and she wanted it back, but no. Turns out she is a reader of this blog and just wanted to say hi. (Hee! I got to feel semi-famous!) So I chatted with the lovely Marci for a minute, which was delightful. After she left I realize that I forgot to properly introduce her to GH, because I am a jerk like that. I did, however, also refrain from introducing her to the massive zit on my chin which is named Chuck. So it's kind of even, I think.

Read More