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Sunday 30 September 2007

Svithe

So I've decided that I really haven't spent enough time in the New Testament--specifically in the second part, after the gospels. I need to remedy that, because I reread Paul's epistle to the Romans this morning and I think it might be my new favorite. One of the passages that made me stop and think was in chapter 4. Paul is discussing Abraham,

18 Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken, "So shall thy seed be."

19 And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sara’s womb:

20 He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God;

21 And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.

"Who against hope believed in hope." First off, this is a beautiful phrase. But more than that, it's powerful.

I sometimes have to remind myself to believe in hope, or to choose hope rather than pessimism or discouragement. I mean, look at Abraham. He was promised things by God which seemed not only unlikely but biologically impossible. But look how he reacted. He didn't waste time trying to prove God wrong, trotting out all the reasons why he couldn't become a father. He didn't "stagger." He was "fully persuaded" that if God promises something then it will happen, even if the hows or whens aren't apparent.

I need to remind myself to be more hopeful--about life, about work, about everything. If nothing else, I'm happier when I'm hopeful. Hope gives me the motivation to move forward. It's positive and building. I don't think that fearing or predicting the worst protects me from disappointment. Instead it makes me unhappy, and then I spend so much time fretting that I don't notice the blessings and opportunities that are right in front of me.

Friday 28 September 2007

This is what I get for deciding to embrace the fall

I get tomorrow's forecast, which looks like this:

Rain/Snow
Likely
Hi 51F

Yeah, the weather is on my craplist. That mess ain't even right.

Fortunately for me, tomorrow is the start of Banned Books Week, about which I am very excited. I mean, sure, my director decided to leave that same week in what can only be an effort to steal the First Amendment's thunder. But that's okay.

Here's what I have on the roster, and I'm glad now that it's a low-key as it is, given everything that's happened since the initial plans were made.

We've made pirate-themed displays to go with this year's theme, and we're displaying copies of books from the ALA's 100 Most Frequently Challenged books of 1990-2000 list. I've also made brochures that include that list and the list of the big challenged books for 2006.

We're doing a drawing during the week, and I have 14 copies of books like The Giver, Bridge to Terabithia, To Kill a Mockingbird, and The Witches to give as prizes. I also bought bookmarks to give out, and 2 of the ALA posters.


We have "I read banned books" buttons to wear during the week.

I kind of really, really wanted this canvas tote. I couldn't decide though if it was fabulous or if I was just turning into an Education Week participant and my next step would be denim jumpers and white Keds.


Anyway. Which banned book are you going to read next week to celebrate?

Threshold

I'd go to a forest and sit still.

After reading Vika's latest blog entry, I realised I need solitude, at the very moment, really badly too. All the people poking around me, talking far too much for anybody's health (what's worse is what they said are not at all constructive) and the noises made by the phone. Someone shouldn't have invented the damn phone. The noises it create are absolutely nerve-whacking, worse than the sound of "Mathematics", anyway. Last but not least, the various absurdities of the humankind and its ugly society.

Being such a hopeless nihilist-cum-misanthrope, like yours ghouly, do not see the point of chasing after achieving the status of a ''successful JC student who only knows their lecture notes (that will define him as a productive citizen or not in his later life)". It's so ridiculous. I have came to a grand conclusion that a mere formal education do not and will not bring any form of happiness as we, humans, are such flagrant assholes will never be, in anyway, contented. Sigh.

Time, if you decide to be kind, please do fast forward to 2 months later. I thank you profusely.

I just want to walk in some thick, primary forests with even thicker canopies, with Burzum's Tohmet playing in my mp3, then settling down at the clearing or beside a fjord/lake (dreamy sigh, I can only visualise such intense beauty), and looking up into the night's sky, observing the stars. How wholesomely appealing. Nature's awe. So capitvating. Sigh sigh.

Thursday 27 September 2007

My first literary endeavor

Theric and Lady Steed have pestered me for years to finally get cracking on a novel. What they don't know is that I already started one.

When I was in the 6th grade (so, 12 years old) I decided to write a romance novel. A bodice ripper, to be specific, which was my new favorite genre. This is what happens when you send a voracious and not-yet-discriminating young reader off to babysit at the homes of people who read smut.

My novel opened with a scene lifted straight out of Gone with the Wind, which was another favorite at the time. I checked that thing out from the school library, no lie, eleven thousand times during the 5th and 6th grade. My heroine spent the first several pages trying to choose between ball gowns to wear to the big fancy ball that night. Descriptions of "apple-green, watered-silk" gowns lifted from GWTW as well.

Then, while taking a breather out on the back veranda of "Six Maples," a handkerchief with chloroform is pressed over our heroine's mouth and she passes out. She revives in a small shack, with her only companion the gray-eyed, strong-jawed, sardonic ruffian who has abducted her.

Aaaand . . . that's when I kind of ran out of steam. I wasn't really sure where to go from there, except I do remember that she called him a "cad" a couple of times. It seemed the thing to do. I couldn't decide why he kidnapped her, or how to still make him a good, kind, possibly-of-noble-birth guy when he's also a kidnapper. And I wasn't sure at what point in their relationship to start introducing the wild passion that must, surely, commence.

So it got abandoned at that point. And, afraid that my mother would come across it while demonstrating her love for me by cleaning my sty of a room, I threw it out.

Only now I'm quite sad about that. I wish I still had it, if only so that I could put it up here for all to enjoy.

Wednesday 26 September 2007

And we wonder why women don't feel pretty

Over the weekend I got together with the Circle of Truth (made complete by one of Sakhmet's much-too-rare visits to Utah). It was a fabulous time, of course, hosted by Daltongirl & Family. We stayed up much too late and talked and laughed and got about as smashed as practicing Mormons can (three words: Kahlua chocolate fondue). Also we use lots of Jane Austen quotes without thinking about it, which I'm sure is not pretentious or off-putting at all.

I mentioned the Dove Real Women ad campaign, and the video they've produced, which Miss Hass so kindly brought to my attention.



I mean, it's not news to us that professional images get worked over. But it's really interesting to watch the process and to see how very far you get from the original. Murray spoke up here, and said that you can pretty much assume that whatever you're looking at has been doctored in some way. And he would know, because part of his job is to do the doctoring. In fact, he has had to spend time smoothing out the excess body hair of anorexic models. I didn't even realize this was a thing. It's called lanugo, which I always thought meant the body hair that babies are born with. But it turns out that anorexic women get it too, and it's their bodies' way of trying to insulate themselves because they don't have enough fat.

Of course we wanted to know why they're hiring anorexic models in the first place, and Murray said that's just the look that the photographers and art directors are going for. And if one company started hiring bigger models then people wouldn't think they looked right. (Murray, btw, is not the one doing the hiring. And he neither supports nor encourages eating disorders.)

But let's see what we've got, here. The women in our advertisements are so thin that they're actually growing full beards and chest hair. They are so unhealthy that people have to go in and digitally erase the evidence of how sick they are. And yet they won't get hired if they put on weight. And then the rest of us women look at them and feel bad about how fat we are.

Sometimes I think the world kind of deserves to just go up in flames.

Tuesday 25 September 2007

Totally reasonable expectations

A week ago a children's book came in to the library that included a small necklace. After making sure no one else was desperate to wear a cheap necklace with a pink-enameled cameo of a little girl's profile on it, I grabbed it for Savvy.

I called her that night to give her the news.

Me: Hey Savvy, I got you something!

Savvy (in the voice of either a sorority sister or a flamboyantly gay male): Oooooh, what iiiis it?

Me: It's a necklace.

Savvy: Oh my gosh, a necklace!

Me: Yes, it's a princess necklace.

Savvy: Oh! And a princess dreeeess, and princess shooooes?

Me: Um . . . no. It's just the necklace, actually.

Savvy (completely deflated and now no longer bothering to even pretend to care): Oh.

Monday 24 September 2007

What rhymes with canker?

If you read my friend Kristen's blog, you may already know about what happened to her last week. Someone didn't like her opinions, and so took it upon himself to find the details of her identity and workplace. Then he called her principal and sent him links of the posts where she vented about work-related things.

Now, let's get this straight first. Do Kristen and I always agree? Absolutely not. Sometimes I wonder if she secretly sacrifices puppies to Ann Coulter, and I imagine she rolls her eyes at my bleeding-heart eco-groupie tendencies. But we don't go for each other's throats about it--online or off. This is because we are self-actualized adults who understand that differences of opinion are just part of life.

What this guy did is so low and ugly and insecure and childish that I can't even believe it. Just because you disagree with someone does not mean that the next step is to cyberstalk them, completely invade their privacy, and try to damage and humiliate them professionally. Also? I love that this guy's beef with Kristen is that she's negative and says rude things about people. And this is the way he chooses to bring more sunshine and light into the world? Remind me to nominate him for Internet Monitor.

A healthy person would stop reading a blog that bothered them. What is not healthy (or ethical, or kind, or helpful) is to take it upon yourself to push an online disagreement into the real world where you hope to inflict the maximum amount of real-life damage.

What exactly was this guy hoping to gain? Does he really want to get her fired? And for what--venting about work? What she says about her job is absolutely none of his business. He's not her boss. He's not her coworker. He's not a parent of one of her students. He doesn't even live in her state. Her job has nothing to do with him, and really it had nothing to do with their disagreements, either.

Unless she was blogging about her plans to blow up the school or to seduce a student or the fact that she shows up to work stoned out of her mind, there is absolutely no reason for him to pretend to pull the Concerned Citizen card like that. The only reason he got involved in her personal life was because he could. Am I careful about what I say about work? Absolutely. But I wasn't always. It took me a little while to learn what the smart guidelines are when it comes to that kind of thing. Because there could be sick, angry people like this guy out there, waiting to pick the skin off your bones just because they can.

A medley of odd things.

So, it's life after the much-anticipated preliminary exams. Somehow school feels different now, there is a general atmosphere of "Ah great, I have finished the prelims, why am I in school?!".

Ignoring that fact, me and Ren Hui met up for lunch, someone whom I hadn't met for a long while, ever since the Mitre Hotel phototaking trip back in May. Yes, we resumed our Subway diet, only to find the price of Cold Cut Trio to have risen, to $4.30. Damn it. Anyhow, we then proceeded to walk aimlessly around City Hall/Esplanade/Clarke Quay/Raffles Place area. Ren Hui introduced to me to the hobby of "tourist-waving". I must say it's a nice thing to do, if I decide to be seen as utterly odd. We then unneccessarily splurged on a tea-break at Starbucks by Singapore River (is it? I'm not too sure.), where I drank my third cup of tea for the day; one at home before school, one in school. I must stop consuming so much tea, it's drowning me. Must. Stop. Drinking. Tea. Bleargh.

Anyhow, during Biology/slack lesson today, I saw an enzyme called "Luciferase". Interesting.

And then, I was reading this interview about Dani Filth, it has been a long long while since I have been amused by the above-mentioned person, considering how uninspired he has been all this year. But this particular self-introduction reinstilled my faith in him. Here is it;

"Hell-o, my name is Dani Filth. I am the singer and lyricist for the metal band Cradle OF Filth. I live in the United Kingdom and my specialist subjects are Daleks, forbidden tantric sex and driving over the speed limit. I also have a three legged cat, my favourite colour is blood red and my ambitions are both world peace and world annihilation, depending on whether it's a Wednesday or not."

The last line especially got me. British humour for the winner! Dani, I sincerely hope I will have a good read from your Gospel of Filth occultohistoricomentary book.

Speaking about reading, I am enjoying Eco's How to travel with a salmon. He's increasingly becoming my newest favourite writer.

Alright now. I should do the YJC Maths paper. It sure feels odd without all the long days in school and tonnes of tutorials or revision shit, maybe it's a Monday thing, I can't get the hang of Mondays.

Saturday 22 September 2007

With my recent endeavour in one of the world's toughest languages - Icelandic, I shall greet you in Icelandic!

Komi'ð þió sæl, min læsi! Hvernig ér þú í dag? Én einn leiðinlegur Laugardagur hádegi sig!

The above basically means; "Hello to all, my readers! How are you today? It is one boring Saturday noon!"

Phew, that took me alot of energy.

Otherwise, yes, today has been boring.

I should get out, soon.

Já! Ég elska þú, Nick! Hehe.

Thursday 20 September 2007

Man-candy Thursday

Sorry you had to wait so long for this post. And sorry that most of the male readership won't consider the wait worth it. But oh well. I have estrogen. Deal with it.

For those of my friends who have not discovered James McAvoy (pronounced MAC-uh-voy), it's time you get on that.

I first noticed him in Chronicles of Narnia, wherein I couldn't help taking more than a passing notice of Mr. Tumnus. Which worried me a little bit, and made me wonder if it's right to be attracted to a goat. Only come on! He was sweet and brave and cute and he believes in a Free Narnia, people!

And then he started cropping up in all kinds of places, it seemed. He played Paul Bettany's skeezy younger brother in Wimbledon, and was, for me, the hilarious bright spot in an otherwise forgettable movie. So yay, he's funny too! Then I saw him as Joe Macbeth in the BBC's Shakespeare Retold series. (Which, seriously? If you haven't tracked these down then you are no kind of Pretentious English Lit person, and frankly I'm disappointed in you. There's still time, though.) Anyway. Turns out he can do the drama and the tragedy, and that his natural Scottish accent is quite easy on the ears.


I went to see Becoming Jane with some girlfriends over the weekend. McAvoy plays Tom LeFroy, who was (according to this movie, anyway) the love of Jane Austen's life. And seriously? Even though I don't believe hardly anything the movie script says, and even though I didn't think Anne Hathaway was great as Jane, I was still totally crying at the end. I would cry for anyone who doesn't get to marry this guy.

Also? If I ever do watch Becoming Jane again, it will only be for him--specifically for the Ballroom Scene. Some of you ladies know what I'm talking about. It was the part where he suddenly appears and all the women on my row Gasped At the Hotness. You had to be there.

And now he's in the new adaptation of Ian McEwan's Atonement, which looks so good that I can't even stand it. Only I just know it's going to be tragic and everyone is probably going to die or be miserable. Haven't read the book yet, so don't spoil it for me! (I picked it up last year and started it, but I was unemployed and stuff and just really was not in the right frame of mind for tragedy. And I still might not be, considering that something as fluffy as Becoming Jane put me into a hormonal tailspin. The moment will come, though.)

Anyway. James McAvoy. Am adding him to my list of UK boyfriends. Life would be simpler for me, surely, if I could only fancy more American and Canadian actors. Because we probably would have more of a future together.

Tuesday 18 September 2007

Have found new meaning in life

Always a good thing, non? Remember that one time when I sat through a Relief Society lesson about how it's important to be self-sufficient and to can peaches?

Here were my questions:

What's up with canning and all that? Why should we do it? If I already have a year's supply of peaches from Costco then shouldn't I be good? Why on this sweet earth should I spend a Saturday up to my elbows in sticky nastiness just to give myself botulism? I mean, if you like to do those things and you like knowing where your food comes from and it gives you a feeling of satisfaction, then that's wonderful and I say more power to you. But what if you just don't care?

So that's the question I really wanted to ask, even though there was no time for it: If you really could not care less about this stuff and you can get your food/clothing needs met in other ways, why bother with it? Should we learn just because you never know what might happen and it's good to have as many self-reliance-type skills as possible? Because I actually can accept that as a reason. I just want to know if there are others.

So that's where I was at.


Then a couple of weeks ago I read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. The School Library Journal's review of the book says, "Give this title to budding Martha Stewarts, green-leaning fans of Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth, and kids outraged by Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation." Which, me . . . me . . . me . . . Only they should also have included "Mormons who need a reason to care about canning."

Because oh friends, I now care. This was one of those books where I kept calling people up and saying, "And then do you know what the Man did???"

The premise is that Kingsolver and her family packed up and moved from Tucson, Arizona to a farm in the Appalachian mountains. They felt that after so many years of living in the middle of the desert they'd made enough of an environmental footprint (all their food has to be imported in from other places, because hi, desert) and were ready for a change. So their experiment was to see if, for a year, they could live comfortably on foods that they either produced themselves or which came from local sources. For them a big part of it was not wanting to waste fossil fuel and other natural resources to feed themselves. They did cheat by buying olive oil & spices that come from other places, but for the most part they stuck to their guns for the experiment. And they seemed to eat pret-ty darn well, it seemed to me.

Barbara Kingsolver is a fiction writer who wrote, among other things, The Bean Trees and The Poisonwood Bible. I will be honest and say that there are a few places where she comes off just a bit too "Hey, remember the part where I'm a really deep author? Because I am. Check me out with my deep descriptions."

Anyway. It was kind of fascinating. Because Kingsolver not only writes about her family's experience, but she talks about the larger picture of food production in our country and where we're headed as a people. Answer: Nowhere good. She makes the point that in just a couple of generations we have lost a lot of the knowledge and skills that are needed to produce food. Much of the US farmland has been moved into crops like soy and corn, which are nice and all but won't actually cut it if our food importation channels break down. (ps. And then so all that corn and soy aren't getting wasted they put them in all of our foods, which makes us fat. Thanks for that, America.) And if/when our current system of food-getting fails, we're going to be in trouble. We can do without electricity but it's a bit harder to do without food.

You also read about the benefits of buying local fruits and vegetables and of eating these things in their season. A few benefits:

You keep your neighbors in business, which helps your local economy, schools, libraries, etc.

Foods taste better when they're in season. You're a lot more likely to want to eat your veggies when they actually taste good. You know how you're always excited to see your summer clothes when you pull them out of storage? It's like that. Because you get to wear them when it's the perfect time for them, and then you pack them up again before they have a chance to bore you. And then it's time to be excited for fall clothes.

You enjoy more variety, rather than only eating the few breeds of fruits and vegetables which have been deemed hardy enough to survive thousand-mile trips and uniform enough to look nice in the supermarket. Example: the delicious and very cool-looking heirloom tomatoes I bought at the farmer's market on Saturday. They have names like Jubilee and Pink Girl and Brandywine. Last night I made pasta primavera with my farmer's market tomatoes, squash, and zucchini. It was fabulous.

You get better information about where your food has been, how it was raised, and what's been done to it. Or what hasn't been done to it, as the case may be. Or what it might do to you. Who doesn't love eating wax with their apples? Who doesn't love wondering if animal remains and feces were part of your beef's diet?

You help the environment, because you're not wasting loads and loads of gas having your food trucked in.

You're not exploiting people in developing countries who work under awful conditions for terrible wages and then ship all the food they've produced to us.

The more you support local food, the more local food your neighbors can produce, which leads to even more tasty local options for you, the consumer. And then it's like this big food love fest.

You get to stick it to The Man. Which, really, for me is always one of the best reasons to do things. Did you know that there are varieties of tomato which have been genetically engineered to produce sterile seeds? That way you can't save them and plant them the next year--you have to buy more from the seed company. That kind of crap just enrages me, no matter what form it takes. If food is becoming a form of intellectual property, what's next? Killing babies, that's what.

Yes, it can be more expensive to buy local rather than going through Wal-Mart. But the very reason that stuff is cheap is possibly because it isn't very good, it might kill you, and because the farmers have been screwed over. And even if you don't have the space or resources to grow the stuff yourself, you can still support the farmers who are Fighting the Good Fight.

Now let's reintroduce the canning thing. This way you can still enjoy all those lovely seasonal local foods during the off-season times. Kingsolver recommends buying up all the local stuff you can find at the end of the summer to can or freeze. The farmers win because they are able to sell everything from that year's harvest, which means they can invest in next year's. We win because we have a freezer/pantry full of good stuff at very good prices.

So yes. It gave me lots to think about. I can't start growing all my food in the back yard, but I can do some things. A coworker gave me two bags of corn from her garden, so I froze them in freezer bags. I found Utah peaches at the grocery store, so I bought a few pounds and froze them. My neighbor has two apple trees which hang over into my yard. I've been picking fruit for the last couple of weeks and eating it with lunches and breakfast, but I think it's time for a real harvest.

This, to me, feels pretty cool. Because I'm getting these guys when they're absolutely at their best flavor, I'm getting them for practically nothing, and I haven't wasted anything or exploited anyone. And I'm being a force for social change. Next year I might even try it with jars and everything.

University of Florida student Tasered at Kerry forum

If there's no more free speech even in the liberal states of America, then the world is doomed.

Sigh.

The result of boredom.

So yes, I am bored, not to the point of death, but enough to push me to do this little open ended Q&A. If you do not wish to read a whole pile of facts and answers then feel you have wasted 5 minutes of your worth(less) life, you have exactly 10 seconds to find your towel and leave the Earth. Starting. From. Now.

Ok! I can now fully assume you are ready to stare into the screen and receive light wavelengths from the computer screen.

Here it goes;

The person who tagged you is: Mister Jaspas Himself
Your relationship with her (it's a him, by the way): Flourish buddy, accomplice in crime.
Your 5 impressions of her (Him, god damn it): Crazy insane or insane crazy, could be profound sometimes, a real pleasure to chat flourish and all the other things about life with him.
The most memorable thing she/he had done for you: To give recognition and inspiration in me for flourishing. And, not to forget, his commendable efforts in helping me get over Der Lepidoctor.
The most memorable words that she had said to you: Hmm, this is a hard one. Many would say "Meow" or "..." is his most memorable word(s), but I would like to beg to differ. Hitherto, "I'm a lizard!!!!!" is the best.
If there will be a chance, will she/him become your lover? Next!
If she/he's your lover, what she has to improve on? Hmm, if I do really give a thought to this burning question. Listen to Norse Arsk Black Metal! =D
If she/he becomes your enemy? Then, I will have to make friends with the table. "Hi table! Any new moves?"
The reason why she/he becomes your enemy: When he preaches about God and Salvation, and denies Evolution. That is it. My threshold is that much. *points to ankle height* =)
What will you like to do for her/him now? Eh, a good, long, relaxing chat?
Your overall impression of her/him: "I'm a lizard!" says it all, motherfucker.
How people around me will think of me: "Is she for real?" I don't know! Metalhead, satanist, too good with her cards (this, I have to agree to a full extent though), weirdo, fascist pig, blah. I don't really care, you know.
What do I love about myself: For being LingNemesis.
What do I hate myself? I suck at mathematics despite much common knowledge that I am really brainy, and for being born in the wrong fucking continent. I should be in Europe where there are 3252836 metal festivals per annum. Ah damn.
The most ideal person I would like to be: Cross breed with homozygous dominant Jon Nodveidt, Buck Twins, Friedrich Nietzsche, Lucifer, Varg Vikernes and Siddhartha Buddha plus one X-chromosome. Perfect.
Some words for those who care for me: "Kill them for me."



Pass this quiz to 10 ppl(stop using shortforms, I despise it, it's "people") tt(that, it's just 2 more letters.) u (you, ugh!) wish to know how they feel about you(see? You can do it right?).

1) Vika!
2) TheCuso
3) Nick "Mephistopheles" Burd, although he has got no blog or whatsoever.
4) Jaro Chase
5) Roddreck, The One Who Makes Me Laughs Incessantly At Home.
6) Jaspas Deck
7) Stuart
8) Alden
9) Darf, the friendly neighbourhood viking.
10) Kevin Ho!

Who is 2 having relationship with: Eh, some girl from his country, I infer from his msn display pictures.
Is 9 a female/male: Female viking!
Will it be good if 1 and 10 are to get together: Hmm, maybe. Both enjoys art and film to a certain extent.
How about 3&4: Hell no. Nick is mine and I am His.
2 studying about: Some thing about business and statistics.
When was the last time you'd chatted with 3: 10 Earth hours or so ago?
What kind of music does 8 like? It was me who influenced his music taste! All hail Metal. =D
6 has any siblings? One brother.
Will you woo 3? I'm not doubting your skills of observation, but can you look up? I am His. Now I am glad I placed "Nick" as #3.
How about 7? Jane will probably slaughter me, but logically speaking, it's impossible. Nick will have his ways to keep me secure. ^^ Thou shalt not doubt Nick's vast capabilities.
Is 4 single? Nope.
Surname of 5: He is my brother, thus he is a proud descendant of Ng.
Hobby of 5: Making fun of me - his sister. Lame jokes. Pranks. Bleach-watching. Professional gaming.
3 studying at: Oh, self-studying at the present moment. But he is planning to study to become a mental illness therapist.
Have you ever developed feelings for 8? If you asked that 4 to 5 years ago, perhaps.
Where does 9 live? Bukit Panjang, as I recalled for her heathen domain.
What colour does 4 like? Black, if he decides it's metal mood.
Are 1&3 best friends? Oops, not at the moment. I am sorry to hear it myself. Why? =(
Does 7 like 2? If they did know each other, probably. But now? I am highly doubtful.
How do you know 2? Wonderous thing called the Internet.
Does 5 has pet? Nope, my house is pet-free, except for a few dingy fishes in the dwindling tank kept by my dad.

Thank you for your undivided attention.

Monday 17 September 2007

Well hey, you could always ride my scooter, crash it, and have the bar rape your butt

My sister Spitfire has quite the way of putting things into perspective. Not that, you know, that happened to her on Friday or anything.

I was venting a tiny bit to her last night and her response, as faithfully transcribed in the title, just about made me hyperventilate. Also I'm laughing to think of the kind of Google hits I'm going to get now, between that header and the Mormons Exposed thing--which, let's be honest, is probably going to be more appealing to gay men than to straight women. Hope that's what y'all had in mind, Elders.

Anyway. Now I can talk about the Developments About Which I Could Not Speak Earlier. Last week my director called me in and told me she was leaving the library. She has accepted a job offer in another state and is leaving in a couple of weeks. Felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach by a mule or water buffalo or similar.

So . . . it kind of looks like I'm going to be Acting Director until they find someone new--which could take months. And here I am, a librarian of like 5 minutes, suddenly running a library. I had a lot of thoughts that day. Not many of them are printable. And then there's the question of whether I should apply for the director job. And if I'm going to start getting hate mail from that one group who gets together to talk about how they don't like me. And what the villagers are going to do once they hear that Story Time as they know and love it is now dead and gone (the director was the one who did it, and it was something). I don't even want to be around for that part. I may need to hire grief counselors.

So, um, any advice?

Friday 14 September 2007

Bailing today

Sorry, everyone. I promise next week I'll be back up to par!

If you do want to get your dander up, you can go check out the MSN video mentioned yesterday by Science Teacher Mommy. It's about a bunch of Mormon guys home from their missions who decided that a good idea would be to wax their chests, apply some makeup to their abs, and pose for some "Mormons Exposed" calendar. You know, to show the world that Mormons are just like everyone else.

I think this is a touch misguided. After all, people who think we have horns don't think they grow out of our nipples. Shaving their heads might have done more to clear up any misconceptions the general public make have.

There's even a website, and the whole thing just makes me shake my head in disbelief. For an extra kick in the pants, go read what the guys are saying about why they decided to participate.

I swear. They must have been exposed to a lot of lead paint during those two years.

Thursday 13 September 2007

Crazy Thursday

It's a crazy day at work, due in part to Developments About Which I May Not Yet Speak. Sadly, these developments do not involve hot British men. They so seldom do, which I find really quite frustrating and against what is right.

To deal with the Developments, I went out with Spitfire and spent money and ingested masses of ice cream.

Clinique is running its Clinique Bonus promotion, where if you spend $21.50 you get the bag of goodies. I bought the All About Eyes Cream as part of my ongoing mission to stave off crone-eyes, infertility, and ultimately Cheat Death Itself.

Anyway, the bonus package includes a cute makeup bag (which I did actually need), a mascara, a lipstick, an eyelash curler, eye makeup remover, eyeshadow, and a smaller pot of the All About Eyes cream. So . . . there you have it.

Then I went to Cold Stone and redeemed my birthday coupon for my free ice cream creation. I chose chocolate ice cream with peanut butter, brownie, toasted almonds, and chocolate sauce added. I shared it with Spitfire, so it's not like I was being a total pig.


The last stop probably made me the happiest. We went to Sam's Club and I bought a box containing 120 crocus bulbs--mixed variety. You may remember this, but crocuses are now my absolute favorite part of spring, and I missed them something fierce this year. And now for the bargain price of $13.99 I have my babies. I want to hug the box and love it and kiss it and keep it on a special pillow next to me always.


Also, I think it's helping to ward of the absolute panic I'm feeling now as the leaves are starting to turn. Because my thoughts are going like this:

leaves turning leads to fall
fall leads to winter
Winter = (Cold + Snow + Amputated Frozen Dead Limbs) Crap

Not that I'm overreacting at all. But seriously. These crocuses? These are my hope. My hope that I'll be able to come out on the other side with limbs intact and hydrated eyes and some of my eggs left.


Wednesday 12 September 2007

I am giving up the chance to watch David Copperfield live in November, just to save the money for any future metal gigs here.

So, come on and get Rammstein/Ensiferum/Immortal/Satyricon/Pain here, please!

Wherein I had my first deep-fried Snickers bar

Had a grand time at the Utah State Fair yesterday. I went down with Spitfire and her bf-who-does-not-yet-have-a-blog-name, and we met up with Jen & Co. Cicada and Murray also joined us.

Savvy is a real chicken, but she felt safe petting the goats, I think. She made sure to pick as her petting targets the big ones who were lying on their sides, not looking at her, and preferably asleep or unconscious.


Cicada was a big hit with the goats, who all wanted to snuggle up to her and love her the most and go home with her. I dubbed her Goat Whisperer.


And really, those goats were pretty much the cutest things ever. They're supposed to make great pets and you can let them graze in the back yard and they'll keep your lawn cut for you. And they probably don't produce any more poop than an outside dog does. So yeah, I'm all for goats. Especially this one:


Seriously, I could not even take how precious this sleepy little guy was. At the same time I was fretting about where his mama is and why is he not eating? BABIES NEED TO EAT!!!


Also, I found my heart's desire, even the deep-fried Snickers bar. For only $4, the dream could be mine. I was surprised to see that a prepared bar looked a lot like a corn dog--a corn dog of sin, that is. The batter tasted a lot like a churro and the finished product was rolled into cinnamon sugar. So yeah, it was delicious in an "I can't believe how low we've sunk as a people, and maybe we just deserve to get Type II diabetes and die and leave the inheritance of the earth to the sensible creatures" kind of way. Good times, though.



Tuesday 11 September 2007

I love it when people are reasonable

So this morning I dragged myself to work a whole two hours early (before you start getting out your violins, I normally don't go in until 10am) so that I could do an online training session for the filling in of the state's annual statistical library report thingies.

When the moderator and I got online we realized that I was the only one who'd shown up for this two-hour training. Crossing fingers, I said that I'd really only brought a couple of questions so I didn't know how helpful it would be for me to receive the entire presentation. And he, bless him, said we could just go ahead and do my questions and call it good.

Now, this is a guy who takes his job and these reports seriously, and yet he had the goodness to not make me sit through the entire thing unnecessarily. Some people would make you do that. They would be all, "I made a PowerPoint presentation and so you are going to sit there and like it and I just might even extend the training to get back at you for thinking that every word which drops from my lips is not made up of diamonds and sapphires and the healing tears of the unicorn."

I'm off for the Utah State Fair this afternoon, where I will cavort and gambol with my sisters and the Precii. I think I'll avoid the rides, since one of my Fair Goals is to find me a deep-fried Snickers bar and ingest it. Possibly with whipped cream and chocolate sauce on top. I hope someone there does that. Go watch the commercials, they're hilarious.


Since we're all here anyway, does anyone want to share their favorite fair foods/rides/traditions? Or any great funnel cakes + teacups = rainbow vomit stories?

Monday 10 September 2007

You did ask

So you may remember that I kind of trashed on the preview & promotional material for that film Anxiously Engaged (previously released as Picadilly Cowboy), which is currently being marketed mostly to LDS audiences. And then the director pretty much asked me to watch it and say what I think. So I watched it. If you want the short version of the review, go ahead and read Desmama's.

Young buck Carson Wells (Jaelan Petrie) is this LDS Montana cowboy working in London for a beef company. The film opens with shots of him being all cowboyish and bad-hair-having and different from the dour Londoners around him. He proposes to Lucy (Kate Foster-Barnes), his English girlfriend of two months. She says yes and takes him home to meet her grandfather & ask for his blessing. Grandfather (James Green), who has been fretting over the lack of matrimonial prospects for his other, older granddaughter, sees this as an opportunity. He makes his consent conditional on Carson's ability to find someone for Gemma (Sophie Shaw), the 29-year-old hopeless case. Carson thinks this is insane but agrees--in part because Grandpapa turns out to be Carson's boss at the beef company. He also promises not to tell anyone about their deal, but spills it in the next scene when he elicits coworker Alice's (Gwyneth Powell) help with the big Man Search.

I like that Ford Films set about making a film that, while featuring LDS characters, was not meant to be so inclusive as to alienate viewers of other faiths. I also like that it was set in London rather than in Utah. A common temptation is to turn LDS movies into one big Mormon in-joke (yes, I'm looking at you, Singles Ward). Sad part is, while people watching Anxiously Engaged won't be alienated, they may likely be bored.

I blame this absolutely on the script. It's like the film doesn't know what it wants to be. The set-up gets you ready for a comedy, but it doesn't really follow through with the humor. Carson and Alice's attempts at finding Mormon men for Gemma have some good moments. Middle-aged Alice creates a fictional character on a Mormon dating website, and Carson interviews a motley crew of LDS men for Gemma. These conversations and scenes are funny and have a good rhythm, but there aren't enough of them.

There's a lack of focus--plot and subplot elements get picked up and abandoned right and left. Suddenly we're slammed with Carson's previously undetected relationship issues. (Would someone who has lost faith in the concept of families suddenly dive into engagement after knowing someone for two months?) Then it's about company intrigue and embezzlement. And now let's spend some time with sassy coworker Alice's attempts to give up smoking and start jogging.

Character development is thin and sporadic, with some characters reduced to stereotypes. Lucy is introduced as an amazingly shallow girl who calls Carson to task for not housing her engagement ring in a better box. They have zero chemistry and don't even seem to like each other. Carson is supposed to be this charming good guy, and yet there are a couple of times when he treats Lucy and Gemma with unbelievable condescension. Sophie Shaw as Gemma is absolutely darling, and is quite patient with Carson and Grandfather's attempts to meddle in her life. I spent most of the movie wanting her to push all the idiots around her into the Thames and be done with it. Sadly, she does not.

As for the Carson/Gemma relationship, I didn't totally buy it--partly because I think she deserves someone better, and also because we didn't get to seem them together very much. Carson swings back and forth between insulting her and paying her compliments that are really not appropriate between future in-laws. The "find Gemma a man" plan seems to get abandoned pretty soon, once Gemma catches wind of it and tells Grandfather to stop. But then, in an unexplained move, Carson sets her up with his jerky non-LDS boss Nigel and behaves as though she ought to be grateful (he actually says to her, "it's not like you've got a lot of options"). Gemma only smiles at this, rather than slamming his head in the fridge door like she should have. The only reason I can see for the Gemma/Nigel pairing is that the scriptwriters needed the villainous boss to worm his way into the family so that he could proceed with his nefarious plans. And so that Carson could eventually be jealous.

Which brings me to another thing. When convenient, the scriptwriters seem to twist and outright ignore reality in order to create the scenes they want.

Example: Gemma starts having feelings for Carson, and wants to get together to talk with him before she leaves for her new job in Paris. (In this movie, one can get a job offer in Paris, decide to take it, and then leave the next morning.) She leaves messages on his work phone, which he doesn't receive. Carson runs through Waterloo station at the end, looking for Gemma before she boards her train. Know what's funny? Neither of these characters have cell phones. This, to me, is just blatant insanity. You find me two working professionals in London who don't have mobiles and I will take off my own shirt and eat it. I can just imagine the writing sessions:

"So, then Carson is running around through Waterloo station looking for Gemma."

"Um, wouldn't he just call her? She would have her cell phone with her. And why didn't she just call his cell when she was looking for him? Then he would have gotten the message."

(All the sane people leave the room at once for a bathroom break.)

"Crap, didn't think of that. That doesn't really create tension, though. Okay, let's have them not have cell phones."

"Sounds good. I bet lots of 20-something Londoners don't have cell phones."

(Sane people come back into the room.)

"Hi, did we miss anything?"

"Nope."

Here's the thing, people. Twenty-something Londoners have mobiles. English grannies have mobiles. Pregnant teenagers who spend their evenings standing around in front of McDonalds have mobiles.

So. There you have it. I'm leaving out a bunch of silly little nitpicky things, but wanted to touch on the main problem I had with the movie, which was the screenplay and its lack of focus and believability. The actors did a good job with what they were given, so it's not their fault. I like the fact that Ford Films is trying to branch out with a more international mindset, and by focusing on families and relationships that include a more diverse mix of religions, which is more realistic anyway. I just wish those things had added up to a more interesting movie.

Friday 7 September 2007

Not that I'm cheap, mind you

But the fact that money has left my cold, brittle, dead hands to upgrade me from a free to a paid Flickr account means I love you people. And it means that I can now start putting all the England and food pictures I want up there. Huzzah!

Of course, doing this makes me miss England. A lot. So much that the only cure really is to go watch my new birthday copy of North and South some more. Of course, I name that as my cure for lots of things, including PMS, allergies, and corns.

BUT. Yesterday was good, because it was the first step in my Secret New Plan. I figure if I can't live in England, I can at least get all my English friends to come live near me. And one of them has! Neener! Last night was mine and Desmama's book group, with the newest member being the lovely Sian from Loughborough, who just moved to L**** with her new American husband. It was so great to see her and too weird to think that we would both end up here. The only problem was that as we chatted I could hear myself slipping back into whatever strange hybrid I spoke during that year. I just hope Spitfire didn't notice. We're kind of merciless about things like that in my family.

The other highlight of my evening was when Sian arrived at my apartment (she was first) and had to delicately inform me that the back of my skirt was sort of tucked into my underwear. Do not ask me how this happened--all I know is that I was wearing a lot of layers and had had to rush out of the bathroom earlier to answer the phone. I tried to play if off, though. "Why yes, this is how U.S. Americans, such as, greet friends after a long separation."

Die Irae


I finally did something. =)

Sweet Shiva

=P

Thursday 6 September 2007

Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina answers a question

This is what I define as an true-blue idiot.

Back to our regularly scheduled brain-exploding

So. My Relief Society lesson on Sunday was well-meant but rather silly. The woman who taught it (the Stake President's wife) was not silly but was very sweet, even if she did give me the stink-eye when I made a joke during class. Trust me, my joke was awesome. The lesson was on dating--specifically on why the boys aren't doing more of it (she went and asked them, much in the manner of that girl in elementary school who delivered the notes between would-be lovers with the "check yes or no" boxes on them). We learned that young LDS men don't date because they feel pressure, are afraid of rejection, and that they're looking for a nice girl with a sense of humor. It was a pretty ground-breaking hour.

However, I soon found out that it could have been much, much worse. While chatting with a friend later that day, he told me about the RS lesson the ladies in his ward had that day. (One of the girls told him about it, possibly while fire shot from her ears.)

Now, first, let me give some background. We don't have professional ministers or teachers. It's all done by us civilians. We have lesson manuals and training and resources to help people be better teachers and leaders, but still. We're all muddling through to some extent. And sometimes it can take a while to get the word out about teaching methods and analogies that are not very affective.

The teacher (who will have been a single girl in her 20s, most likely) got up there, unwrapped a piece of gum, started chewing it (some of you may already know where we're headed with this), took it out of her mouth, and asked if anyone wanted it.

Of course, no one did.

And why did they not want it? Because it's been used. it's not good anymore. And when we break the law of chastity, see, we become LIKE USED GUM. There was no mention of the Atonement, no shiny new piece of gum to show what we can be like after repentance, none of that. You're just a dirty, used, whore. A couple of girls tried to bring up the whole Atonement thing but the class just could not move on from the gum analogy.

So, so, so bothersome. First off, no one should ever do an object lesson about sin that does not include the Atonement--you need to be able to put things back the way they were before. That is the entire point of having a Savior. Otherwise you end up with a class full of people feeling like they're damned forever because of a mistake, and that they might as well give up now.

Also that analogy is just offensive. Is that what women are, then? These disposable commodities waiting to be picked up and chewed by men? And is that the main reason we're supposed to keep the law of chastity? To protect the flower that is our virginity because nice boys deserve a virgin?

I thought about this and realized that there are loads and loads of analogies like this that get trotted out in Young Women lessons:
  • There's the one about the nicely wrapped package that you're supposed to give to your husband but that he won't want if you've let other people paw at the wrapping.
  • There's the rose that looks really nasty in the end if you keep giving petals away to people.
  • There's the blooming gaudy flower left to get dusty by the wayside as opposed to the pure daisy in the alpine meadow.
I'm sure there are more out there. Anyone want to contribute?

There are ALL of these things, and guess what? The guys have never heard any of them. I took a poll. When the guys get the chastity lesson, they do not get any of this "you had better guard your carnal treasure or no nice girl will want you." Also? I don't think these analogies are necessarily in the lesson manuals. (Will be checking on this, of course--I'm sure that gum one isn't, though.)

I'm not saying there aren't good reasons to abstain from sex outside of marriage. I think there are lots of good reasons (hi, otherwise I wouldn't even be writing this because Ioan and I would be off with that pot of Nutella right now). I would rather hear real doctrine than Victorian-era analogies that encourage a sexual double standard. But maybe that's just me

Wednesday 5 September 2007

Yay, birthdays!

So far today has been absolutely lovely. On the drive to work that song LDN by Lilly Allen came on, with the chorus about "the sun is in the sky oh why oh why would I wanna be anywhere else" that has the kicky trumpets behind it. And, even though my feelings for Lilly Allen still stand (Ear. Fork. All of it.) I did enjoy the song. Because hey, the sun was in the sky and it's my birthday. And I think I had a seizure anyway when she said the word "Tesco" so I missed quite a lot of her actual voice--just got to enjoy the fun, kicky trumpet chorus.

(Note: If you choose to watch this video, I will not be held responsible for seizures or forks in the ear.)



Got this meme from Kristen and decided to do it for my birthday.

Today in history, according to Wikipedia:


Thank you, Fire, for leaving me some London. I promise I appreciated it.


Thank you, Continental Congress, for giving me the USA. Also much appreciated.


Thank you, USA, for sometimes giving me a day off work for my birthday. Too bad today couldn't be one of those days, but still.

"Om Namo Buddha Maha"

As I await the reunciation.






Tuesday 4 September 2007

Story #1 from the weekend

I'm going to have to separate these, because there is so very much to tell. You can see some pics of the Bday weekend on my sister's blog.

First story is that once I got back from Provo I cleaned out the, no lie, 800 million emails in my box. I've starred the ones I need to reply to, I've sorted out my folders, I am now the email inbox dominatrix.

Remember the post I wrote last week about that LDS movie that I thought looked really stupid and had a ridiculous premise? Yesterday morning, during the Gmail domination, I found an email from the film's director.

Yeah.

Here is what it said.

Hello Miss Nemesis,

It was great to read your insights on my film. I look forward to reading what you have to say about the film once you've seen it. Good or bad.

Best,
Tyler


So . . . that was unexpected. And I possibly may have stopped breathing a tiny bit. And then gone back to read what I did say about his movie. None of it was very nice, even though most of my ire was directed at Deseret Book for not knowing about the name Gemma. I wrote back to thank him for his email and said that once I've watched it and posted a review I'll be sure to let him know.

The lovely Desmama has offered to procure a copy so that we can get right on that.

Monday 3 September 2007

RadioNIHIL

After being many months as an avid reader of ANUS.com, only now did I found out about their online radioshow - RadioNIHIL, I have got to confess, it is probably the best fucking radioshow ever.

Great discussions of nihilism, wordly issues, religion, philosophy, music and arts, what a great embodiment of elements. They play great music too, including the great Dissection, with no commericals and bullcrap. Perfect.

I'm going to listen to all of it now.

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