Hip Hop Abs

The other day I was flipping channels and came across an infomercial for an exercise DVD called Hip Hop Abs. I only kept watching because Usher's "Yeah" was playing in the background and my neck started doing this twitchy thing than in other, more coordinated people might resemble The Dance. Also, I was finishing off a carton of Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream at the time. I find there's nothing quite so gratifying as eating ice cream while watching other people perspire. I should probably never be assigned a chain gang.

The abs I could see on the TV were quite admirable, but I'm sure they didn't get those things just by dancing. Making a pact with the devil, more like, and sacrificing babies at each phase of the moon. Anyway, the commercial promised that if you don't lose 3 inches off your waist in 6 days then you could send the DVDs back for a full refund. Are they serious? Three inches in 6 days? How can they even promise something so completely outlandish and subjective? Why don't they just promise that 3 men will propose to me in 6 days?

I've decided that my abs are just fine, wherever they are down there under that layer of tummy fat. Because you know? Maybe they just feel safer and more comfortable and insulated down there. It's not my place to ruin that.

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