characterized by assumption of dignity or importance

So I have this friend who accuses me of being pretentious. He's wrong, of course. What he considers pretentious is just right-headedness. But anyway. It got me thinking about the things that I do tend to be a bit picky or snobbish about. And here's what I've come up with.

Grammar & Usage--being an editor will do that to you, as will living in a state (or, fine, country) where people routinely cripple, maim, and strangle the English language before leaving it dead in a ditch somewhere.

Recycling--around here, wanting to recycle and conserve somehow labels you as a hippie snob (and possible Democrat who slaughters babies for fun) right off the bat. Which I think is absolutely unfair to assume. You'd think that people wanting to conserve our natural resources would also be in favor of conserving babies. But there's just no reasoning with some people.

Movies--I used to watch pretty much anything that wasn't rated R. Only then I think I sat through one stupid movie too many, and I realized that these were hours of my life I couldn't get back. So yes, I still love movies, but I absolutely will ditch out if people are going to see a movie that got awful reviews. I don't care how "fun" or "cute" or "Mormon" it is. I haven't even gone to see the Fantastic 4 sequel, even though my fiance is the leading actor. That's how snobby I am.

Fast food--Yes, I realize that I went to Wendy's last night and got a hamburger because I was heading out dancing and it sounded like a good idea. Only I wouldn't have had to if the stupid grocery stores didn't keep giving me yams labeled as sweet potatoes yet again, thereby ruining the nice dinner I had planned for myself and leaving me open to fast-food temptation! (breathe . . . breathe . . .) Anyway. I've started thinking more about what I eat and the whole "garbage in, garbage out" principle. And the "eat nothing but chemicals, get an extra hand stump growing out of your torso" principle. I expect I'll become a fruitarian next.

Thread-count--I blame Mistress of Mayhem for this one. I stayed at her house a couple years ago and became acquainted with the glory that is extra-soft Egyptian cotton. It has spoiled me forever and I just can't go back to sleeping on polyester-blend potato sacks like I could do back when I was a college freshman and cheaper equaled better. Plus, I figure if I can't have a hot man next to me in bed I can at least have nice sheets under me.

Standing ovations--I'm sure I've documented my feelings quite enough on this blog, so I won't get into it.

Wedding invitation etiquette--Especially with regards to registry info. Feelings already documented.

Milk--This is not official yet, but I'm probably on my way to becoming a milk snob, since I've just started getting milk delivered from a dairy. Yay! These are all the reasons why I'm excited:

1. It's almost the exact same price as what's in the stores.
2. The dairy is local, so it's good for the environment (less shipping, reusable bottles) and good for the local economy.
3. This milk doesn't have all the additives and hormones, and it gets to me when it's about 48 hours old.
4. They bring it to my door, which is convenient for me but also lets me imagine that I'm living in a simpler, happier time of milkmen and darling milk bottles on your front porch.

So, bring on the snobby, I say. I'm sure there are some I've forgotten, but does anyone else want to share? What are your big pretensions?

Posted in: effecting social change,food lust,on my crap list