So it looks like we're still talking about fashion here. Guys, I'm sorry. Except not really because I have Made. A. Breakthrough!
The wardrobe and I have been heading for a reckoning over the past several weeks. A few pivotal moments were these:
1. Nearly every week at church I look around at what the other girls my age are wearing and think, "Dang. I need new clothes." I realize this is NOT a true statement, but the feeling was still there. Plus, some of these women are the very busy mothers of multiple tiny children. If anyone should get a pass, it's them, and yet here they are bringing their A game. (Granted, their hair is back in that "I get 90 seconds to myself in the bathroom, fool, so just be thankful it's washed" ponytail, but like I'm going to fault them for that considering that they still look about 18 times better than me.)
2. I sat in a librarian meeting and looked around and realized that everyone there was dressed better than me, even though they were all librarians. Which is how you know it's gotten really bad. The girl next to me was wearing trousers and red flats (love me some red flats) with cream-colored fishnet knee-highs. Realized that my life is nothing without cream-colored fishnet knee-highs.
My feet, at the time, were clad in scuffed-up black Danskos in bad need of polish and dark-blue trouser socks (it was dark that morning) covered in dryer lint and possibly my own hair. I'm maybe starting to see why GH vomits in his mouth every time he sees my feet in them.
3. I came home from work on Friday with the intent of leaving straight away to go bowling with people from GH's work, none of whom I have met before. Decided instead to have PMS-fueled breakdown for 30 minutes about how hideous I look and how there is no way I can be introduced to GH's coworkers (especially not the gay ones) looking like a frumpy hideous middle-aged cardigan lady. After changing every stitch I was wearing and adding red wedding heels and red lipstick, I was somewhat ready to go be in a dark bowling alley wearing completely different shoes than the ones I arrived in.
So. Friday was the low point and resulted in the following addition to my New Years NOTresolutions:
I will NOT dress like a frumpy frumpster. I will actually make an effort to plan and wear outfits rather than some ratty combination of whatever I yanked & sniffed in the darkness of my closet (read: floor) at the last second that morning. It's not even that I need to buy new clothes. I just need to start working what I have and putting things together in a more attractive, professional way.
Also? Tights. Have decided that good hosiery is the key here that will elevate my whole wardrobe from frump to fab (and yes, I felt a tiny bit sick typing that just now). Also they will make it possible to wear some of my nice skirts during the winter. So I hit Ross and TJ Maxx during lunch yesterday to seize my future. And ladies, y'all need to be getting to Ross and TJ Maxx. Buying $15 tights for $3 feels so, SO very good. TJ Maxx had an entire wall of the things. Also they had loads of Spanx stuff for $20 or less. If you're unsure how to get started, here's some advice on how to wear fishnets outside of Halloween or the bedroom, (for instance, I wore black ones on Sunday with a black knee-length dress and black boots, so only the knees where actually showing) and also how to rock the tights.
I bought patterned black tights and opaque brown tights and oh yes, cream-colored fish-net knee-highs, suckas, which I then wore to work with black trousers and the red wedding heels. And let me tell you. Those babies do all kinds of things for your mood. When a coworker tried to impress upon me the severity of a situation to do with immediate ordering deadlines and collection development priorities and programming responsibilities and to offer support for how overwhelmed I was sure to start feeling any second now, I just nodded appreciatively and, when she paused for breath, swung my foot up onto the desk and said, "Only check out how cute, right?!?"
However, people, please note . . .
Note, Note, Note, NOTE:
I did not buy leggings, nor will I ever buy leggings, because I am not brain dead. Please check with me again if I ever get shivved through the temporal lobe.
Because it isn't. It's either a minidress (which, not modest if you're Mormon) or it's a TUNIC over skin-tight pants. Which you are wearing to church for Jesus and impressionable youth to see. Also? We can see your temple garments through those tights. So you can stop kidding yourselves. I know the sweater dresses are really cute right now but PLEASE stop making my head explode because I'm having to walk around with a burp cloth on my shoulder at church just to catch all the brain matter leaking out my ears.
Thank you.
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