Yeah, no thanks

I've asked a for book called No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for your Blog for Christmas. I'm pretty sure it could change my life forever and take me to new blogging heights. But until I get the real one, here's idea #32:

“What are your relationship deal breakers? Some folks are annoyed if a date shows up ten minutes late. Others look for something weightier, like a felony record. Have you ever rejected someone over something that seems insignificant to your friends? Or do you have selective blindness for red flags?”

I've thought about this, and some things that I used to think were really important back when I was 19 and expecting to get married at, like, any second, aren't so important now. Or, to hear my Mom tell it, I've lowered my standards.

I don't think I've ever rejected anyone over insignificant things before. Having a Fu Manchu is very, very significant thing. Everyone knows this. And I still went out with him once. If anything, I hang on to relationships way, way longer than I should.

Here is the list I've finally come up with. It is by no means the absolute final list. And it kind of goes without saying that he needs to be a good Mormon boy, first of all. Might as well be honest here.

1. Anger management issues--I really hate yelling. If some guy were to yell at me or become abusive I think I would ask my dad to get out his purely decorative Franklin Mint hunting knives and kill him. Or at least carve him up real bad to teach him a lesson about Why We Control Our Tempers.

2. Reckless driving--you know how I feel about that. No way am I strapping my babies into that car.

3. Rudeness--whether to me or my family or pretty much anyone.

4. Thinking that it's okay to miss church to watch football. Trust me, it isn't. Also, football? If you're going to miss church, miss it for something good.

5. Not liking dogs--yes, I have decided, and it's a deal-breaker. We don't necessarily have to own a dog, but he still has to like them. Unless maybe he was mauled by a dog as a small boy and therefore has a phobia. That wouldn't be his fault.

6. Telling jokes that bash women, people of color, the elderly, starving Ethiopians, or homosexuals.

7. Not wanting kids

8. Pronouncing it lie-berry. I'm sorry, I just can't.

I'd love to hear yours, just in cased I've missed any important ones!

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