You and your green eyeshadow can shut it

The other day I went to Superdrug to look for Oil of Olay moisturizer with SPF 15 for sensitive skin (found it!) and empty travel-sized toiletry bottles (found them, but they were way too small and expensive to be of any use to me--where's Wal-Mart when you need it, huh?).

When I came out, an older lady stopped me and launched into a rehearsed speech. Lots of people approach you in the market, either collecting for charities or asking you to answer a survey or questionaire, so it's a common thing. She had a very thick Leicestershire accent and was speaking so quickly that I honestly had no idea what she was saying. Also I was distracted by the shiny green eyeshadow that was caked all over her eyelids all the way up to (and possibly extending past) her eyebrows.

I finally came to understand that she worked for a clothing store and they were sending out their fall catalog which contained "some very loovleh jackets." She went to start entering in my name and address into her hand-held electronic gadgety thing just as I realized what she was on about.

Me: Oh, no thank you, I don't need a catalog. I'm going back to the States soon so I wouldn't be able to use it.

Green Eyeshadow Lady: They go out next week, so you'll have time.

(Actually, lady, don't you get me started about what I do and do not have time for.)

Me: Thank you, but I won't be doing any clothes shopping before then.

GEL: Well I'll just send you the catalog and you can have a look.

Me: No thanks, I really won't get around to looking at it.

(Also I could just imagine Lady J's reaction to receiving yet another load of junk mail for the next three years once they have her address.)

GEL: It's a free catalog, though. And you might like a jacket for autumn.

Me, finally feeling fed up and wanting her to go away now: Thank you, no. I really don't need it, it would just . . . kill trees.

GEL: Alright then, thanks lov.

But then as I walked away I heard her mutter, "Kill trees" in a tone of absolute disgust. Which I don't think was very nice of her, since she was the one who accosted me in the first place. It's not like I ran up to her screaming "Die, Tree Killer!" I let it go, on account of I am gracious and wouldn't want to get any slimy green eyeshadow on me.

And anyway, I wasn't trying to say that I think she is the equivalent of one who goes into the redwood forests and takes a chainsaw to the trees out of the sheer joy of the thing. I was just saying that it would be a waste (of paper and money) to send the thing to my house. Which, really, is a pretty good reason in my book. I wouldn't have read the thing. I would have tossed it straight into the recycling bin, and then Lady J would have had to do the same with everything else they sent afterward. And it's not like she was handing out something that could be set aside but then possibly picked back up again later or maybe given to someone else who wanted it. It wasn't a Bible. It was a catalog that will be completely worthless in 2 months.

So even if this lady doesn't care about the environment at all since she's going to die soon, I still have a good 70 years left here and I do care.

Plus I just don't want people sending junk to my house that I don't ask for. If anyone from IKEA or Williams-Sonoma or Crate & Barrel or Pottery Barn wants to send me some stuff they can go right ahead!

Posted in: England