My UK stage debut

I'm officially famous, and my bf is even more famous. Last night we saw The Reduced Shakespeare Company's touring production of Completely Hollywood. We ended up with front-row tickets, which seemed strange to me since we'd booked quite late. Then WR mentioned that being in the front row quite likely means that you'll be called up on stage. So I told him that we needed to move, now, because I wasn't doing that. Only then there was nowhere else to go.

So, of course, it happened. The 3 actors decided that they needed a body double, so one of them walked down off the stage and stopped right in front of WR and asked him to go up. When he got on stage they took one look at the dress shirt and tie and asked if he was Mormon. I got a kick out of that.

But suddenly the whole "Yeah, all that was left were these here front row seats" claim became very suspect to me. I think WR did it on purpose, because not only was he perfectly relaxed and happy up there, but he also did a really good job! And they made him do a whole speech and everything with the "Tara" theme in the background. So he got a wild round of applause, and I was quite happy with my vicarious fame.

Only then in the 2nd act they decided to bring the entire front row (ie, "The Extras") up on stage. This meant me. So I'm up there, thinking, "Okay, this is fine, I'm in the middle of a whole group of people." Then they decided that someone needed to stand at the front of the stage and be a femme fatale in the manner of Sharon Stone. And they grabbed me. And told me to look seductive and pretend to smoke a cigarette.

I had to tell them (and the rest of the Leicester Haymarket Theatre) that I don't actually smoke, so how exactly should my fingers go? Because really, does anyone pretend to smoke after the age of 7? We got that sorted, and I struck a few vampish poses. Only then they accused me of trying to solicit one of the older British gentlemen in front.

Actor: "Hey! She could be your daughter!"
Elderly British Gentleman in Front: "She is my daughter!"
Actors: (shocked expressions at him, then at me)
Me: (innocent hair twirl while looking off into corner)
Audience: (much laughter)

After a bit more of this we wrapped up and headed back to our seats.

I think my favorite part, though, came at the very end with the applause. We clapped enthusiastically for the actors (with a special nod to WR). And yet, and yet, the audience somehow refrained from rising to give a standing ovation like a gaggle of hysterical Pageant Mothers. It felt so, SO nice not to be guilted into a standing ovation for a show that, while lots of fun, did not actually transport my soul from my body, which is my personal criteria for such a thing. Otherwise it doesn't mean anything. It's like french-kissing your waiter just because your food was hot.

And there you have it--the story of my UK Stage Debut. Oh yeah. I tread the boards, baby.

Posted in: England