I'm British. We only show affection to dogs and horses.

Conversation that happened the other night at my house, just after Lady J's cat ran away in terror from WR, on account of she is scared of the menfolk.

Me: Sorry the cat's is scared of you.

WR: Enh, it doesn't bother me. (whispers) I'm actually allergic to cats!

Me: Oh, that's too bad. Like severely allergic?

WR: No, I just sneeze and stuff.

Me: Well, that's okay, because I'm not a huge cat fan anyw--Wait. What about dogs?

WR: Huh?

Me: Are you allergic to dogs?

WR: I dunno, does it matter?

Me: Answer the question!

WR: Well, I probably am if I'm allergic to cats, right? Doesn't it work that way?

Me: No. No, it doesn't work that way. You can be allergic to cats and not dogs. My sister is allergic to cats and not dogs. So I bet you're fine.

WR: Um . . . I'm getting the feeling here that you really like dogs.

Me: Of course I do, everyone does! Don't you?

(That's when he got quiet and started looking around the room, as if for something to distract me.)

Me: Don't you?

See, here's the thing. In my book there are two kinds of people:
1) Those who like dogs
2) Those who kill puppies and are without love or natural affections

Me: Oh my gosh you hate dogs!!!

WR: I don't hate dogs!

Me: But would you ever own a dog?

WR: (proceeds to make grimaces that involves his entire face and torso)

WR: Would I have to have a dog? I mean, they're just so loud, and hairy, and they're so much work! I just don't see what's so great about them.

Me: (gasp) I can't even believe I'm hearing this! You're British and you hate dogs??

WR: What, is this like a deal-breaker for you or something?

Me: I haven't decided yet!

WR: What if you had a robotic dog? A robotic dog could be quite nice.

Me: Don't even speak to me, you dog killer.

So after much prayer and fasting, I have decided not to let this be a deal-breaker. I mean, as awful as this is, I'm sure there are much, much worse things to discover about someone you're dating. Also, I think the reason WR doesn't like dogs is that he's never been friends with any. If he had, he would know.

There's time yet for that.

Posted in: England