Word of warning

The packaged sandwiches here can make you want to kill people. Or, I should say, the ones available yesterday in the library cafe made me want to kill people.

Every single one of them is gooey and contains mayo, usually as the main ingredient to which the other ingredients (like meat or cheese) are added.

Some of you may read this and go, "Great! I love mayo!" My dad, for instance, has been known to grab a jar of Miracle Whip and make an entire sandwich with just huge gobs of Miracle Whip in it. This usually makes me want to dry heave, but hey, I guess if dinner's late (and you're nasty) that's what you have to do. (Love you, Dad! And this is not me putting your personal life on the Internet, okay?)

So anyway, back to me and my problems in the cafe. I'm hungry, I don't have a lot of money, I don't have time to go somewhere else because I have to get back to work, and my only choices are these horrible sandwiches that are all soggy & gooey & mayo-based. Tuna & sweetcorn mixed w/mayo. Chicken salad mixed w/mayo. Cheese & spring onion mixed w/mayo. Ploughman slathered in mayo. You get the idea. The only non-mayo sandwich was ham & mustard, which didn't appeal either. In the end I went for the cheese & spring onion & fresh tomato mixed w/mayo sandwich. I could only force down half, and I only did that because I needed calories.

I really wanted to just let everyone have it, though.

"AAARRRGGGHHH! What is with you people and the sandwiches? All this time--all this time I've been defending your cuisine! Defending it, I tell you! I've sworn up and down that no, your food is really great, and that I don't even mind things like boiled Brussel sprouts! And after all this you can't even give me a flipping sandwich that is not the equivalent of eating phleghm between two pieces of bread!?!? AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!"

But then the calories started kicking in, and I turned in a paper, and had a lovely choc ice, which is something that is really good about living here, and I started to feel like a normal person who wasn't on the brink of taking a semi-automatic weapon up a tower. And tonight I'm going to see The Deranged Marriage, and it will be lovely.

Crisis averted for now.

Posted in: England