Something to add to your food storage list

So today I was in the Relief Society class, minding my own business. For the non-LDS friends out there, that's one class in our block of Sunday meetings that is specifically for the ladies. We have the same lesson the menfolk do in their class, although we have things like pretty centerpieces and object lessons and gentle laughter in ours, whereas the men probably light fires and swap camping stories or whatever it is they do in theirs. The kids are off having their own classes as well. Then we all meet back up for the rest of the services, otherwise the Engaged People and Newlyweds might just spontaniously combust and die from loneliness.

Anyway.

The lesson was about spiritual and temporal preparation, so a big part of the discussion centered around emergency preparedness and food storage and 72-hour-kits and things like that. I heard lots of the usual things, like "Be sure to remember toothbrushes in your emergency storage, because otherwise that's just nasty" and "Turns out flour doesn't keep for as long as I thought it would back in 1989 when I bought 6 tons of it."

Then, at the very end (the teacher was actually going over on time) one woman raised her hand and said that she tried to be careful who she talked about food storage to, because she doesn't want everyone showing up at her house if something happens and everyone on the street knows that her house is the house with food and toothbrushes.

Then the teacher enthusiastically agreed and said that she knows someone who bought a shotgun to store with his food storage, because when hard times come his neighbors will probably try to kill him for it.

And because the class was already going over, and I hate it when things get out late, I couldn't raise my hand and say what I wanted to say, which was:

A) Sister #1, have you not heard the part where sharing with those in need is kind of a thing that we do? Also, it might be nice, rather than keeping food storage a Mormon Secret, to mention what you're doing and offer to show your neighbors the ropes.
B) Sister #2, does your friend by any chance live in Montana?

So I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to be That American from UTAH Who Thinks She Knows Everything, because let's face it, everyone hates those people. I hate those people too. And as a result everyone spent the last 30 seconds of the lesson adding one more item to the list:

"Shotgun for shooting neighbors."

Because hey, that's what you GET for not planning ahead.

Posted in: England