Because you don't want people to look at you and think, "yeah, there's a cat lady in the making"

Today is going to be one of those days where I favor the Internet with a few Pearls of Wisdom. I have been hearing from a lot of young women lately who, I fear, need a gentle talking-to. A reality check, if you will. If you, Gracious Reader, do not need such a check then you can read this with smug satisfaction, basking in the glow of your own emotional health and maybe treating yourself to some dark chocolate while you're at it.

If, however, my words strike a chord deep within you and make you want to come over to my house and light pieces of it (or me) on fire because I just don't understand, then trust me: you need to hear this.

I am hearing a lot of single young women talk about how it's really uncomfortable for them when their siblings (especially younger siblings) get married before they do. As one who has been in this position--twice, thank you very much--I can say that they're right. It is uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable because it reminds you that you want to be getting married, and it makes it seem as though everyone but you is doing it, and you really don't want to go to a wedding where everyone asks you stupid questions and pats your arm and stuff.

Only here's the thing. Some of these women are talking about this situation as though it's The End of the World, and it's the Hardest Thing They Will Ever Face in Life, and it's something that their siblings are doing On Purpose Just to Be Jerks. Friends, when you go there, you are losing your perspective in a big way.

Yes, it can be uncomfortable. And you may end up with some legitimate gripes which will make for fabulous blogging fodder. But it doesn't affect your life in any way. It doesn't make you more single than you were before. It has nothing to do with you, actually. And if you insist on making it all about you, then you're going to be in for a world of hurt. Not only will you drive yourself crazy, but at the wedding everyone will be eying you in fear that you're going to rip the tiara off your sister's head, plunk it on your own, and start hysterically screaming about how this should be "MY DAY--MY DAYEEEEE."

In case you're still not with me, let's try an analogy.

Ahem.

The hardest thing that has ever happened to me or will ever happen to me in life was when my sister/brother got an ice cream cone and I didn't. I mean, it's not like I wanted their ice cream, because I'm looking for a completely different flavor. But still. The fact that they have one and I don't? Totally wrong.

The only way for me to tolerate my icecreamless situation is if everyone else abstains from ice-cream ordering until after I've picked mine. Once I'm happy and content with my ice cream then you're welcome to have a go. And if you missed out on perfect opportunities during that time, too bad. It's called Solidarity, and you'd better go read up on it.

Or, if my siblings miss the Solidarity lecture and decide to get the ice cream anyway, then they should have the good grace to tiptoe around me and never mentioned the ice cream and maybe just eat it in a closet or something so as not to remind me that my hands are coneless.

In fact, now I get mad when any of my siblings even think about ice cream cones, or drive around looking in the window of ice cream shops. Because NO ONE DESERVES IT BUT ME.

Kind of ridiculous, right?

That's what I though.

So here's what you do. You have your cry in your room alone and then you get to work. You are as enthusiastic and helpful and happy for your brother/sister as you can be. Before the wedding, you take an extra long time getting ready so that you look hot enough to melt glass. Because guess what? You will get married at some point. And 30 years from now when you're all reminiscing about your engagements/weddings, do you really want everyone remembering how insane you were and how they weren't even allowed to be happy around you?

I didn't think so.

Posted in: dating or not so much