Speaking of vain repetition

So in our Church we don't really memorize set prayers. The idea is that we should think about what we're saying and keep things simple and sincere. (Matthew 6:7)

Only here's the thing. We still totally do it the "vain repetition" thing--we just keep it to talks & testimonies most of the time.

All you LDS people how there, how many times in your life have you heard (or used) the following phrases?

for those of you who don't know me, my name is ________ -- Um, yeah, of course this is for the benefit of those who don't know you. Who else is it for? Your mom? Why not just say "Hello, my name is _____"?

the evils of pernography -- I am absolutely up for hearing about this. I just wish they would call it por-nography. "Pernography" makes me think of dirty mags that farmer boys read behind bales of hay.

I would be truly ungrateful if I didn't get up here today. . . -- I've decided I'm against the word truly. It just bothers me. Also, stop sniveling.

. . . with every fiber of my being -- Just. Don't. Don't say that.

We'd like to thank the priesthood . . . -- Actually, you would like to thank a group of young men who hold the priesthood. They themselves are not "the priesthood." Sorry, guys.

Not having grown up in 'the mission field' . . . -- Don't even get me started on the whole "mission field" thing, which is meant in Utah and Southern Idaho to refer to places that are not Utah and Southern Idaho. It implies that Utah and S.I. are not places where missionary work needs to be done, which is absolutely untrue.

I had the opportunity to . . . -- I imagine this is our way of trying to make everything seem like a positive learning experience, but it gets way out of hand. "I had the opportunity to go camping in Southern Utah." "I had the opportunity to get my first colonoscopy." Just say "I went," people.

If these individuals could please stand as their names are called -- What's up with calling everyone "individuals"? What about "people," "men," "women," "brothers," "sisters"? Why "individuals?"

I wonder if members of the Church in other parts of the world use the same phrases, just in translation--like did they pick it up from missionaries and others who grew up using them? Or do they have their own phrases that get trotted out over and over?

I realize that this happens for logical reasons. One might be that when we get up in front of a group of people we get nervous, and it's easier to grab for familiar, pre-approved phrases when we're under pressure. Also when you use them then everyone knows that you're a real Mormon and not an impostor who is about to betray himself by saying "people" instead of "individuals," which is when things get ugly and the sheep's blood comes out.

Only here's the thing: the talks and testimonies and speeches that get remembered are the ones that don't sound like everyone else's. I know I've tried over the past year or so to cut out those phrases and just keep it simple. I'm trying to really think about what I'm saying and how I'm saying it. Yes, it's more difficult, but I think it helps me to sort through my feelings and to be able to express them as they are, rather than as I've heard them expressed by other people hundreds of times before.

I left my list at home this morning so I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting. Anyone want to help me out and add to the list?

Posted in: being a Mormon