But I never got to be a mother!

This morning I reached down past my skirt to scratch my bare leg and felt a large hard lump on my calf. For a split-second I was terrified that it was a tumor and I was about to die. Then I realized that it was my rock-hard, grapefruit-sized calf muscle. On account of I have worked out like 7 times in the past two weeks. And that is the kind of instant gratification with which my body (or at least the leg portion of my body) chooses to reward me.

I tell you. It's a good thing they're only 2 feet long and so pale and translucent as to resemble zebra haunches (if they were to make white & blue zebras) because otherwise? These legs would make you cry.

(Note: What is extra awesome about my oh-my-gosh-I-have-a-leg-tumor-and-now-I'm-going-to-die experience is that I forgot the part where I already had one exactly like it over two years ago. So, you know, the last time I was working out.)

(Note the Second: I was going to go find a body-building woman pic to post here so you'd know how hot my legs are except I did a Google image search and then I had to go pour Clorox into my eyes at how awful it all was. You can go look here, but I beg you not to. Seriously. You shouldn't.)

Posted in: