So I'm out of the will now, apparently

Savvymom just informed me that, because of my last blog post, I am now dead to both my parents.

I am dead to my mother because when one of the lovely people who were nice enough to comment drew a comparison to her mother and mine, I did not immediately rush to clarify things. And so I inadvertently let the Internet have the idea for 24 hours that my mother is not "into" hair and makeup. Only I've put a picture of her up here where everyone can see how pretty she is, and I told a story about how she used to get perms in Germany during the Cold War.

Only Savvymom says that my mother is not speaking to me and that now Savvymom gets the china. And I couldn't immediately say that she was full of rubbish because I realized that I haven't actually heard from my mom in the last little while. So I'd better remedy this or face missing out on the Wedgewood.

Facts about my mother:

• My mom is beautiful. She would be beautiful without makeup.
• Only she does wear makeup, which she applies very tastefully.
• She cares very much about encouraging others to wear makeup, both in her official capacity as a Mary Kay representative, and also in her unofficial capacity of One Who Must Make Sure that Nemesis Wears Makeup, Especially the Pink Kind. When I fly home I would never dream of getting off the airplane without 1) a box of Krispy Kreme donuts, and 2) a full face of makeup. Otherwise I would probably get left in the terminal with all the display cases of stuffed grizzly bears and polar bears and record-breaking halibut.
• My mother has lovely blond hair.
• My mother gets highlights, and is all hip with the highlights and the product and buys much nicer hair products than I do and knows how to use all of them.
• My guy friends think my mom is hot.
• So do my girl friends.
• If I look anything like her when I am a grandma, I will be thrilled.
  
• I honestly don't remember her offering to take me to a salon back during the Pink Skunk incident. But she probably did, and I probably turned her down because I was too cheap to pay for it.
• She sent me a Valentine's Day package because she loves me and is the best mom in the world. And I really needed the chocolate today.
• I'm sorry, Mom.
  

Now, on to my dad, who has also expressed displeasure with my words:

• My dad did turn down the thermostat to 62 degrees every night. In Alaska. I had to sleep in sweatsuits. When we complained, he said, "You don't need heat. You're asleep."
• I have been the bane of absolutely all my roommates' existences, because I constantly turned down the heat, sometimes after they had gone to sleep. When they complained, I said, "Maybe if you were dressed, you wouldn't be cold."
• Isn't imitation supposed to be the greatest form of flattery?
  

Can I please be back in the will now? I said I was sorry.

Posted in: England