Turmoil.

Upon revealing my inner mind and thoughts deep down inside, I seem to be constantly struggling spiritually. I might sound like a hypocrite, but these are just my thoughts and I'm in a spiritual turmoil.
Ok, to kick off. I have experienced so-called God's Omniscient Presence when I tried praying. It sort of worked and I have felt God's Light and his passion etc. I felt so at ease and completely contented with that state of mind and all. Perhaps this is salvation of the Saviour. The only thing I disdain is that the way of the Christians try to promote Christianity - they made it seem like a Cult Coven instead of being a religion. And that the teachings are too strict and sometimes senseless at all.
And, I have read Buddhism books and have understood the Eightfold Path and Four Noble Truths and I agreed with Buddha's teachings and loved them all. Similarly, I too felt at ease and utterly enlightened. For the case of Buddhism, I agree to almost all of the teachings that the Awakened One taught and I feel like they are more sensible and tinged with a invisible idea of free will. It's flexible and it's very very extremely relevant to the modern world. That's why I liked Buddism alot more than Christianity. Buddism is my real saviour. And, in Buddism, all beings are equal when they start their journey of Buddhahood. We can all become enlightened and become a Buddha yourself, provided you'd accept the Four Noble Truths and live life by the Eightfold Path. By this concept, you won't feel inferior and start to think in wrong manners. And that In Buddhism, there's absolutely NO GODS or Higher Deities Beings. Everyone is their own 'God' or 'Devil' and everything that happened is the effect of your action. That puts you in a more matured position, both mentally and spiritually. It's not like other religions that you can seek salvation and forgiveness by praying and saying apologies. And, when you have successes, you will feel satisfaction and be pleased about yourself and your personally-movitated maturity, not being pleased with a God that's not even there, who has a cult coven to emit false security. That's what I call a real religion. And, Buddism is an excellent example.

Perhaps, time will tell. I'll just live my life clear of guilt.
For now, I'm a devoted Buddhist. Christianity is certainly OUT.

- Ling.

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