How to get good customer service at the library

I am going to impart this knowledge to you now, because I am a giver.

If you are planning a trip to the library and anticipate that you will need more than 5 seconds of help from a librarian, do not go during the hour after the local junior high gets out. You will get less-than-stellar customer service, because that is actually the hour that the librarians morph into babysitters. They will try to help you, but their attention will unavoidably be pulled from you to things like:

Is that group trying to break into the vending machine?
Is that boy stealing DVDs?
What's that noise in the back corner?
What's that other noise in the other back corner?
Is the kid I already told to leave trying to sneak back in?
If I snatch that one girl baldheaded for being such a mouthy little piece of work, will I get in trouble?
Is that group a bunch of friends, or are they ganging up on someone?
Is anyone trying to destroy library property right now?
How many warnings has this group had?
Was that a snowball?
Was that a homemade dart gun?
Is that kid high?
Do I dare leave the desk to find this book or will they kill and eat my coworker while I'm gone?

Yeah. That's what we're kind of focused on right then. So it's really not the time to request a 15-minute individual tour of the audiobooks section. Do you even know what they can DO in 15 minutes? (Picture a school of piranhas and a bloated zebra carcass.) I'm sorry. Come back in an hour and I'm all yours.

Posted in: lib