I should start a list

Because being childless makes me such a parenting expert, I think a good activity would be to start making a list of all the "When I have kids, I will never . . . " rules. That way I can remember them. And then, when I inevitably break every last one, I can cross them off the list one (or two or three) at a time. You know, things like:

I will never yell at my kids in a store
I will never forget that one of my kids is still sitting in the car
I will never use the TV as a babysitter
I will never let my kid wear his underwear on the outside of his pants to church

Here's one, though, that I hope will actually STAY uncrossed on the list:

I will never bring my toddler, whom the librarians have possibly nicknamed "The Beast," into storytime while she has a sharp, pointy metal object that resembles a mechanical pencil or blackhead remover in her hand. I will then not sit there during storytime and text on my phone while my daughter tries to pull her infant sister's brains out through her nose with said implement. And when another mother notices what is happening and stops my younger child from being mummified, I will not shake my head all, "What can you even do?" and then go back to texting.


But anyway. What are some things on your "When I'm a parent I will never" list? Or, what things have you had to cross off?

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