. . . Except this time I'd make-over my SOUL

I never considered myself to be someone who gets bogged down in the comparisons trap. I don't usually compare myself with my friends, or with women I meet at work, or church, or wherever. But recently I noticed that I was doing something different--I was comparing myself to other bloggers.

Part of the problem with blogging (as AmyJane relayed to me after reading an article on the subject) is that we get regular, sometimes voyeuristic, looks into people's lives and start feeling that we perhaps know them quite well. Whereas in real life we tend to gravitate towards people who are similar to us in attitudes, interests, religion, politics, income, whatever, many of the people we "meet" through blogging would not necessarily be in our peer group if we knew each other in real life. We would not actually be friends in real life. And it can be easy to forget that what we're learning about these people comes from a very edited perspective. If we did know them in real life or were friends with them, our view would be much more balanced. We would know the good and the bad, and that would help prevent the "Oh, if only I were more like so-and-so" syndrome.

For example, there is one blogger that I have read for a couple of years. Her blog is lovely and is full of details about her interests and hobbies and plans, but at times I actually find myself getting irritated with her for having such a glamorous, money-filled, and seemingly charmed life. "Don't you ever even stop to think about how different YOUR life is from mine before you go rubbing your vacations and your clothes and your projects and your schmancy eat-out dinners in my face???"

And the answer to that is, of course, "No." No, she doesn't think about my life. She's not my friend. She doesn't know me. She has absolutely no responsibility to be sensitive to me or to anyone else who chooses to read what she writes. Also? I don't really know her, either. I only know what she is choosing to put out there. I have no idea what her real, actual life is like. Her blog is what it is, and the problem is with me.

So does anyone else out there know what I'm talking about? Have you experienced this? Or are there other traps you find yourselves falling into as you basically follow the lives of strangers? (Note: if your traps involves illegal stalking, or, say, kidnapping of pets, then you really may want to look into that with a professional.) But for the rest of us, what do you do to stay balanced and to keep from becoming involved in such a way that you are actually affected negatively by what you read?

What I've decided to do for now is to undertake a bit of house-cleaning in Google Reader, which I think is going to be quite therapeutic. Here are the kinds of things I'm culling:

Most importantly, the blogs that give me a complex. There is nothing wrong with these blogs or their writers, but if I can't read them without getting jealous, or irritated, or generally mental, then clearly they are not good for me.

Design blogs. I have friends who are amazingly talented in the design arena. Take Alma Loveland, for example. When she reads design blogs, she logs pictures and ideas away into a folder and then later might create something wonderful based on that initial idea. I will likely never, ever, ever do this. It is not my gift. So when I follow the design blogs I just feel poor and talentless and like my apartment is a crappy sinkhole of mediocrity and always will be. And what's the fun in that? Am, however, keeping Design Mom because not only does she have great giveaways but every now and then she'll do something like redecorate her porch and it will make my heart melt in my chest, but in the good way. Also Petit Elephant because I know and love the ladies who write it.

Most of the librarian blogs. I had a good reason for subscribing to these last year--I was running a small, rural library and I needed information. I also just needed to feel like I was a part of (or at least aware of what was going on in) the larger library community. It has been months since I've read any of these, and I just feel guilty when I see the list of posts waiting to be read. But the fact is that I'm not reading them, mostly because my professional circumstances and responsibilities have changed and I don't need them in the same way I used to. Which leads us to . . .

Blogs I no longer need. I think timing is a funny thing. Something that was good and useful at one time doesn't necessarily stay good and useful. When I was newly engaged I subscribed to a bunch of wedding blogs to get ideas. Once I had my plans worked out, I un-subscribed because seeing all these other, newer ideas just cluttered my mind. It was better to just get what I needed and then move on. Interests change, circumstances change, needs change. And that's okay.

Blogs that I feel guilty about not actually reading anymore. Seriously, if I'm not reading them, then clearly I don't care. I can always go find them again and resubscribe if the urge or the need strikes.

Blogs I only added because it's what other cool people are reading. Don't get me wrong, I've found some real treasures this way. But in other cases I have to just admit that they're just not my thing (like so many of the design/style blogs).

Blogs that, while really cool, produce way way too much content for me to get through every day. I am looking directly at you with narrowed eyes, Lifehacker.

Blogs that just make me want to shop. I think that's all that needs to be said there.


I will be keeping these, though:

Blogs written by my friends. Unless any of my friends start giving me a complex. Then they're out. This hasn't happened yet, but you never know.

Blogs with amazing food in them. Because I can't go without my food porn. No, I can't.

Blogs that make me want to simplify my life rather than clutter it.

Blogs that teach me things I am currently interested in learning.

Blogs that make me laugh.

Blogs that inspire me.

So. I'm interested to hear how all of you make sense of this in your own reading, and how you decide what makes something RSS-worthy. Let's have it!

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