People who thought it was okay to call me on my honeymoon

9:00am Sunday, also known as The Morning After. My phone was in the car, but it turns out my mother called and left a message wanting to know how things were going and if we'd made plans for church.

8:46am Monday, our first morning in San Diego. We were just waking up (and stuff) when I heard my phone buzzing. Figured this must mean someone was dying so I answered it. This was a mistake. It was someone from the HR department at my recently-ended job.

Me: "Hel-lo?"

HR person, brightly: "Hi!"

Me: "Um . . . hey."

HR: "How was the wedding?"

Me: "Fine . . . "

[pause]

HR: "Is this a bad time?"

Well, since I got married all of 45 minutes ago and it's the crack of dawn, YEAH it's a bad time.

Me: "No, it's fine, what's up."

HR: "Well, remember before you left when you called to see if there was any paperwork you needed to fill out or anything and I said no, you were all set? Well it turns out I was forgetting a few things. Completely spaced on that."

Me: "Really."

I will not tell you how NOT a surprise this was to me.

HR: "Yep, so I'll need to ask you a few questions so I can process your last paycheck and get that out to you."

It was a special, special time. And what makes it even more special is that someone else from the office called later in the week and left a message tell me that she was sorry but my paycheck wouldn't be deposited right away because there had been " . . . a lapse . . . " (nice code for "someone screwed up") and it would come the following Monday. Again: No surprise at all.

The other phone conversation I had was with my brother coolboy. He sent me a text that read "Hey, I know you're probably busy but is there a time when I could talk to you?" I immediately assumed that he must be having a Situation so I phoned him right back so that I could offer counsel and emotional support.

CB: Hello?

Me: Hey, it's [Nem], I just got your text. What's up?

CB: Oh hey, yeah, I was just calling to ask you about mutual funds. You have some, right?

Blink. blink blink.

Me: You know what? I think this could wait until I get back.

CB: Oh. Okay then.

Me: Yeah.

Thank you though, to everyone who did not call me. Or who just texted. And I realize that I did make a phone call to Cicada but that's just because I was in an Italian market and needed to know if she wanted anything. She would have done the same for me if she stumbled into a British market on her honeymoon.

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