Never thought I would say these words

But Masterpiece Theatre is so high up on my craplist right now.

Last night I watched Persuasion, which you will remember I've been looking forward to since about the 5th of EVER. I had a couple of girlfriends over, there was hot chocolate, cookies, a somewhat-mangled peach tart, and every good thing.

Things started well enough, but about halfway through Spitfire (who watched the YouTube version with me, squinting at my laptop, back in April) commented that things certainly seemed to be moving forward quickly. I said that yeah, since the movie is only about 90 minutes they kind of had to do that. But then I realized that we'd missed a scene--the one where Captain Wentworth is standing on the Cobb in the rain in Lyme Regis (don't ask me why people think it's fun to go walk in the rain and the wind like that). Anyway, he's talking with his buddy about how much he still loves Anne and what an idiot he's been. So he decides to go win her back. And they have a man hug, and it's precious. Totally not there.

Then I realized that some scenes felt a bit shorter than I remember them being. And I started thinking, "Hey, wasn't there a part where . . .? " a lot.

But then, then. We come to The Big Moment at the end with The Big Kiss.

It was cut twice to make it shorter.

Which is when I very nearly tore off my own head and threw it at the TV screen. I have no words to even express how I feel about that. Only inarticulate screeches and violent gestures.

Come ON, people! It was a short movie to begin with! What's up with the editing? Is it because of Gillian Anderson's incredibly lame intro? Did they need to make time for that? You do not CUT a lovely scene of Reconciliation and Longing and Kissing for Gillian Flipping Check Out My New Madonna Accent Anderson! You don't! Ever!

So. Here's what's gonna happen. The DVD is being released tomorrow. I've preordered a copy for the library, and it should come in on Thursday or Friday. I will take it home and watch it. If my scenes are not back where they're supposed to be, I will kill everyone. And then I'll purchase a UK version, get my b-in-law to strip the region coding, and watch that instead. And if the Digital Millennium Copyright Act people come after me, I'll just show them the two versions. Then they'll understand, and they'll probably ask me to burn them a copy.

To see the REAL last 7 minutes of the movie, complete with every last second of bosom-heaving, go here. No knowing how long the clip will be up, though!

Either way, MP is getting a strongly-worded letter from me about the hack job. And possibly a flaming sack filled with dog poop.

Posted in: on my crap list,Sumptuous Literary Adaptations