From my mother

I hesitate to write this, because my mom might read it and think I'm making fun of her. But I'm not, and no one else had better say anything rude or I'll kick them in the head. It's one of those "I can talk about my mom but you can't" things. You understand.

Every time I go home, my sweet mom invariably says something that wins the prize of Comment That Would Completely Destroy My Self-Esteem if I Didn't Already Have an Over-Abundance of That Stuff. She never means it that way, because she's one of the sweetest ladies in the world. This is part of what makes it so funny.

Mom is coming down to visit for the next two weeks. She says it's so that she can attend Education Week here at BYU and then take coolboy up to college in Idaho. Only I think she actually just wants to play with baby Savvy and lounge by the pool. As would you. So when I start posting the winners from the next couple of weeks, you will know what I'm talking about.

To prep you, here is the winner from my most recent trip home.

Mom and I were driving home from the gym (or possibly a bakery) talking about nothing in particular. You should imagine that my mom has a slight Southern accent, because she does.

Mom: "Now [Nemesis], you're probably going to get mad at me for saying this."

Me: "Um, you don't have to say it then."

Mom: "No, you are. You'll probably get mad, and be all GOSH, Mom! but I think it's important to tell you this."

Me: "Okay, seriously. If you think I'll be mad, you're probably right. We can just skip this."

Mom: "Now I've been thinking about this. When you get married, you'll need to start having kids right away, because you won't have a whole lot of time if you want to have more than just a couple."

Stunned, stunned silence . . .

Me, once I could speak again: "Wow, thanks for that. I actually have thought about how my childbearing capability is limited by my age and how I probably won't be able to have the number of children I would like to have, but it's good to know you're thinking about it too."

Mom: "That's not what I meant! You can have as many kids as you want, you'll just need to have them close together, because the older you are, the greater the risk of birth defects."

Me: (I actually don't remember what I said at this point, but it probably went somewhere along the lines of GOSH, Mom! and how maybe she should wait to have this pep talk with the guy I end up marrying, and she can just blame all the Down Syndrome babies on him instead of me.)

Mom: "Fine, fine. I'm just saying. Now you can go tell your sisters that I'm a freakshow and they can all call up and yell at me."

If anyone has any other mommie gems (about their own mothers, not mine, since we've already covered the ground rules on that) feel free to share!

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