Crap, now I'm famous

They finally got me. I spent the last 6 years of my life doing my absolute best to avoid them, and today they got me.

I'm going to be in the promotional material.

Every year the photographers run around in a frenzy, lassoing unfortunate employees and making them pose in all kind of ridiculous ways. As a full-timer, I could usually invent an excuse to get away. ("Sorry, I have to go to a meeting." "Can't help you, in the middle of a big project." "Oops, can't, I have a pelvic exam to go to.")

The poor student employees, on the other hand, have no defense. They're just offered up like sacrificial lambs or cattle. It's especially bad for those with any hint of non-white ethnicity. The higher-ups are onto them like nobody's business. And no, don't even get me started. I still work here, so it would be best not to. On a selfish note, the frenzy to find and photograph ethnic diversity usually helps me in my quest to remain away from the camera. "What, you can't find another blond-haired blue-eyed person around here?"

But today, less than two months before my termination date, they got me. These two earnest little student photographers needed someone to pretend to be an instructor. I tried to protest but came off sounding rude and nasty. Then I felt bad, so I left the big guns (gynecological disorders) alone and agreed to do it in the hope that they wouldn't spend the rest of their lives thinking about what a horrible horrible person that one shrill witch was.

Of course, they would ask on the day when I haven't showered, have awful piled-up-on-my-head hair, and just got back from slapping on the barest amount of makeup in the women's restroom. Also I'm pretty sure my shirt and pants don't match.

They set me up at a table with a world geography textbook and a highlighter, and I had to pretend to be a teacher looking through the book, planning out the geographical horrors I would be soon inflicting on defenseless students everywhere. I tried to look appropriately dictatorial, but kept lusting after the pictures. "Mmmm . . . New Zealand . . ." "Mmm . . . Fiji . . . . "

Finally, we were done.

"Hey, so you guys have Photoshop, right?"

"Oh yeah. We'll take care of your face."

Great.

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