Please cross fingers for me

I have a kind of important job interview this morning and I really don't want to blow it. Please cross fingers/pray/send good vibes that I'll do well and not be too nervous or forget how to speak. I realize that I may not make the final cut, but I would rather have it be because I just wasn't a good fit rather than because I accidentally started rambling on about sex during the intervi...

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Heartbreaker

For the past few days I've been interviewing hopefuls for a part-time position here at the library. The thing that makes this hard is that pretty much everyone is wonderful. I want them all to work here. Some of them I actually want to take home and feed and then we could stay up late braiding each other's hair and talking about Regency Men. That's how much I like them.So when I have to start calling people and telling them they weren't picked it's going to feel a tiny bit like breaking up. Will have to stop myself from pleading, "But we can still be friends, right?" Because I do understand that you can't always be friends after a breakup. Not everyone I've dated has understood that. One guy I dated prided himself on always remaining friends with women he'd broken up with. This was new to...

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Surprisingly accurate.

What Ng Ling Xuan MeansYou are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.You are light hearted...

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So hard to concentrate

It's sunny outside right now for the first time in forever. I want to blog but can't think about anything. And I doubt you want to hear me talk about Hawaii, or the bathing suit I just ordered online, even if those are the only things I can actually think about right now. (Let's just hope the suit doesn't make my legs look like these. Because if so then it is going right back.)So. Anyone want to give me a topic? Otherwise you're going to have to hear about Sprint, who is on my crap list. In fact, I'm just going to tell you about it. When I call someone's cell phone, I want to hear a ring tone. Okay, that's not totally true. I want to hear Ioan...

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It's a really good thing I'm going to Hawaii in like 5 days

Otherwise I would probably be killing and eating people. Can feel myself inching toward a nuclear meltdown but am determined to stave it off. What's quite possibly even more frustrating is not being able to tell the Internet all about it because it's absolutely work-related. And I don't want to get fired. Much.Also I'm bothered because because the valley is trying, yet again, to join the century and get a county-wide library system--which, yay! Because it would mean that any resident could get books from any of the libraries rather than having their library services limited to what their own city has decided to provide. Which, for some of these...

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Continuing on the Ruling the World theme

Wow. Thanks to everyone who commented on the gum post. I hadn't thought about the fact that people use gum to keep from snacking. I suppose we might allow that in the New World Order. Although I think I'll be more inclined to just promote snacking and be done with it. Of course, my snacks won't be gross processed things. It'll be stuff like fresh fruit, high-quality chocolate, imported cheeses, and dense chewy loaves of bread.And speaking of the New World Order, here are a few other things I'm looking forward to making extinct:CigarettesStirrup pantsVelour track suitsPaparazziThong bathing suitsCandy bar & soda machines in elementary schoolsArtificial sweetenersInferior chocolate (so long, Hershey)People who waste waterCorn syrupWWF-style wrestingReality TVSmogInternet pornSoda--yeah,...

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The gum chewing post

As I've spent the last two days sick with the flu, I've had time to think about world-saving ideas. My latest one?No More Chewing GumI don't see the point of it. It's not food. It has no nutritional benefit. It's not biodegradable, so it'll be around forever. Just take a look at the commercials. All they can do is try to make a cool commercial without really mentioning the gum, because what can they even say about it? "Um, we think you should put this flavored tar in your mouth and chew it over and over again. No reason."As pointless and stupid as chewing gum is, my bigger problem is with the gum chewers. After all, wads of gum don't end up in water fountains, city sidewalks, under desks, and in carpets all by themselves. No indeed. It is the stupid idiot chewers who leave it there, and...

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Conversation between me and my parents

We were talking about the upcoming Hawaii trip.Mom: Your father and I have already started tanning. Have you?Me: No, you know I don't do that. I don't get tan, I just get red.Mom: I just don't understand that. I mean, I tan and so does your father.(Pretty sure this is because they baked themselves to death in their youth.)Dad: She's just not trying hard enough.Mom: Yeah, that could be it. Maybe your skin knows that you're not really committed.Me: Oooooor, maybe my skin just doesn't like melanoma.This is not the first time I've had such conversations with my parents. I wouldn't be surprised to find them swapping out my SPF 70 with something like baby lotion. Just to show me that I could tan if I really wanted to.And maybe they'll tell me that I really should consider smoking. You know, because...

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Spare me a moment of nonsense: a Meme.

I realised I have not posted an questionaire here in a long while now, so here is it, I just hope it doesn't bore you too much.Three Names You Go By:1. Ling2. LingNemesis, self-evidently3. That Loner Who Plays with Cards and Have Earphones On 24/7.Three Screen Names That You Had:1. LingNemesis (long standing one, I made this up in late 2005, I am amazed I am not tempted to change it yet.)2. Vamprye_Magnus (circa 2003 to 2004, initially my SMC username which I think scared many off)3. Goth_pyschopath666 (circa 2000 to 2002. Bleh, I want to kill myself for saying this publicly, but yes. Laugh at me, go ahead.)Three Things You Liked About Yourself:1. Hands (They do those nice things with cards which I am proud of.)2. My bat fuck insane mind, for it is bat fuck insane.3. My left little toe which...

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I know what I'm making at my next dinner party

Yesterday I had a hankering for the rich creamy rich goodness that is stovetop macaroni and cheese. Don't get me started on the oven-baked kind, which I view as an unholy curdled slab of evil. I'm sure there could be fabulous versions out there--I've just never had one.Anyway. I use a recipe which calls for sharp cheddar, evaporated milk, dry mustard, and which has the power to warm and cuddle you in the manner of a cashmere-sweater-clad George Clooney. Ladies, you try and tell me you wouldn't want summa that.I looked online to find what other amazing cheeses I could add to the mix and saw what I at first thought must be a joke. It's called...

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How is this different from living in Alaska?

Yesterday we had the nastiest storm here. It was the kind where the 400mph winds made it so that it was actually snowing horizontally, which I hate. As does my right ear.I sat there at my desk wondering why in the world people were leaving their houses and braving the weather and the three-foot snow drifts to come to the library. Every time someone new walked in I looked up and thought, "Seriously???" The only explanation I can think of is that their computers at home have poisonous snakes curled up in them somewhere.There were loads of accidents yesterday, with things like public transport buses getting stuck and idiot trucks tailgating everyone before going off the road. Do not even speak to me about the idiot trucks and the way they feel they should be able to drive just the same in a...

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To break the hiatus

I stand here in apology for my abrupt lack of new entries, for recently, my life is really rather barren of interesting or groundbreaking news or events. You cannot expect much from one who leads the life of being cooped up at home majority of the time, indulging in online happenings and feeling constantly misanthrophic due to my lack of involvement in the society. =)If you are so demanding to pry into my private life, I can divulge some details.Ok! A good friend of mine - Scott, from England, London, had recently recommended me to watch BBC's (or is it Channel 4) Big Fat Quiz of The Year over at Youtube. It featured Noel Fielding and Russell...

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Feeling better about my own resume all the time

I'm collecting resumes at work for a part-time position. So far I've received about 3,475,011. Because it looks like everyone wants to work at a library. I wondered how I was going to be able to weed them down to an acceptable number, but as soon as I started looking at the resumes I realized that some people are going to make it very easy for me to remove theirs from the pile.Here are some of the things I'm learning. May they be helpful to you in your own job searches.If you hand-deliver your resume, it's a good idea to wear something semi-nice. And to be polite. Also, in this case it's actually a good idea to drop it off in person, because if we get a good impression of you then we write a little note on the resume before adding it to the 6-ton filing folder.You don't lose points for not...

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If they're going to be stuck in my head

Then I see no reason why they shouldn't be stuck in yours. Enjoy, and try reeeeal hard not to open a new browser tab so that you can purchase MacBook Air systems or Old Navy sweaters. It will be hard, but you must not let those tricky b*****ds also known as advertisers to seduce you!I have to say, though. This next video freaked me right the heck out initially, on account of I was not even expecting clowns. It isn't right to just toss a clown at someone like that. I could have died. But I made it through that part, and it got a big "awwww" from me at the e...

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Hey! It is a scholarship program!

Spitfire and I spent the weekend solidifying our status as favorite Aunties ever. We watched the kiddies on Friday night while Jenny & Ed had a much needed evening away.I really liked the part where Savvy kept coming up with reasons to get out of bed and tell me important things."I need a new band-aid on my foot."5 minutes later:"My mom bought me these band-aids."3 minutes later:"These band-aids came from Target."That's when I drugged her and locked her in the bedroom.Saturday morning we took them to the Bean Life Science Museum, where Savvy discovered her Inner Bravery and petted a real live big ol' snake. I was kind of surprised she did it. Must have been the last of the drugs.Then we took them to Burger Supreme where they drank ketchup with a side of french fries.I'm going to miss...

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Someone should just buy me a shirt with a big ol' Target on it

I learned some really good stuff today from a patron. I learned all about how the Pope of the Catholic Church is inherently evil, and how all of his ceremonial clothing represents evil things. Which, wow. I was not asking for any of this information, mind you. The patron in question had to do an assignment on the Pope but was also finding other, much more interesting information as part his research.I made vague, noncommittal noises while working very very quickly to find him what he wanted. He paused and said, "Wait. Are you LDS?"This is where I really should have said, "No, I'm Catholic," with an Eyebrow added for good measure. I didn't, though,...

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Maybe a shower would have been wise, but I was sleeping

Do you ever get that one kind of zit--the kind that has no real head but still manages to protrude about 3 inches out of your face, causing poor posture, neck strains, and a limp? The bit I like best is when it starts flaking, and so when I try to put concealer on the thing it looks like I'm about to start molting and shed my entire epidermis in the manner of a garden snake or other reptile.Which I'm sure would prove a lot of library moms right about me.So yeah, I'm not so much feeling like my gorgeous best today. Let's hope this is not the day in which my personal magnetism pulls Ioan Gruffudd, dazed by love, into my library in the manner of Justin Timberlake being dragged across town by a Pepsi drinker in this Superbowl ad.(And yes. Sometimes my laughs come cheap, like at the end of this...

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Harnessing the wisdom of the collective

If your brain isn't too busy hurting from the other choices you're having to make on this our country's day of voting, wanna do me a quick favor?I'm trying to put together a "best of" list for the blog, mostly because I think it could be nice to have something good to offer people when I'm having an off day and the only thing I can think to talk about is something really really boring like the corn on my left pinky toe. So see? I really am thinking of you, and of how you might not want to have to barf at your computer, at work.The other reason is that I might go to this Utah Blog thing later in the month where you read something from your blog. I'd like to pick a good 'un if I do that. And not, you know, one of the foot corn posts.I realize that there's a lot to choose from, and that there...

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Me and the snow are fighting

I got stuck in my driveway again--twice. The most recent time was after I spent an hour on Sunday morning shoveling our (no lie) 900 square feet of driveway. That was extra fun, me spinning out on what was barely even any snow at all. I'd better have some wicked arms come Hawaii.So. Next year for Christmas I'm asking for snow tires. Or maybe bus or tractor tires.Today's note on why the world is sometimes a wrong sort of place:There are these cute tiny little white boys who keep coming in to use the Internet. I showed them how to use Google Image Search, which they now use to look up and print out pictures of rappers. Two days in a row they asked me to spell Eminem. They are also quite excited when they find pictures of 50 Cent posing with guns. These kids can't be more than 8 or 9.Didn't...

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A premium Saturday and a pair of ruined feet

What about today? Well, it was a quite a premium saturday that I had today, as compared to my other saturdays in the past few weeks. Premium because I finally got to witness that equally premium movie dubbed "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" with another top-notch companion of mine. He dubs himself "Count Drasula" because he aspires to be a "neck-romancer" as he sweetly puts it. But I usually dub him simply as "Matyn", which he refers to as his imaginary self. Intricate, it is.Alright! What about the movie? It consisted of indulging myself in the intense soul-piercing stare of Mr. Todd (Depp), wondering how much Helen Bonham Carter resembles Dani Filth in certain angles, very resplendent and plentiful of glorious blood, me relishing in how Judge Turpin (glorious Rickman) moves/looks/talks/gestures...

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During which experience I mentally composed many strongly worded letters to both my landlord and the City of L****

Let's play the numbers game, shall we?90: Minutes spent between my back door and my workplace this morning.40: Approximate length, in feet, of driveway.7: Inches of unshoveled snow in said driveway.30: Number of feet I successfully backed up before becoming irreparably stuck.84: Minutes spent trying to get out of my driveway.3: Shovels used in the attempt.800: Calories burned.4: Curse words muttered silently.1: Curse word bellowed loudly.8: Handfuls of pebble-like bulb fertilizer used in an attempt to increase traction, since I had neither gravel nor sand nor real pebbles.14: Number of cute woodland creatures who will likely die now from fertilizer poisoning.1: BBC World Global News update heard in car as I tried unsuccessfully to back up, move forward, or go pretty much anywhere.6: The circle...

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