There is a beam of hope...

I felt I was being toyed around for this past week. Whenever I come home, all nervous and checked my email inbox and the house phone's missed calls. I saw no news of Temasek Polytechnic. All the hopes, the elation that I would get from seeing positive reply have been destroyed by the total void of replies. Then the sadness crashes into my heart and breaking it even more. If I happen to be listening to Mutter, things would have been much much much more worse. The only thing I didn't do is to cut myself, but that is an act of foolishness, so I shan't do it. In addition, I have not been eating well recently. Imagine only eating a puny fish burger to last you let's say 10 hours? Hunger has became a trivial issue now. Okay, imagine that whole dread and wait, randomly popping out of your heart the entire time for around 2 to 3 weeks. You are getting close to what I am undergoing emotionally now. Close, I remind you. Close. But not yet.

Upon reaching today which was supposed to be the LAST day of the appeal result release, I clicked on my email inbox like what I did for the past few days or weeks, this time, I am totally worn emotionally, I just said to myself, 'Whatever. In or out. It's okay.' As usual, no replies. I have gotten so used to that dreadful feeling, it has became part of me. So I went on to do my usual surfing, then this New Email Box popped up and it says TP Admission Matters. My heart dropped to its blackest and foul abyss, htting the base. A force so strong, I could hear my heart rupture and feel its contents flowing out.

I said to myself, 'That's it. I'm staying in SRJC. No hope already.' And at the very same moment, my eyes swept past the short email message, and this is what it said:

"Your appeal is currently receiving attention and you will be informed lastest by end of April."

I knew it. This cannot be the end of it. Cannot be, and it must not be.

The smell of hope is brilliant.

I am not to be easily defeated,
Ling
31st March 2006.

Posted in: