I am sorry if your family is perhaps not as photogenic as my family

(Note: This may also have something to do with the part where I am in none of these pictures.)

After Baby Hudson's baby blessing last month, my b-in-law held a little family photo shoot.

You may want to clap your hands over your mouths now, because you are about to see The Baby Sweater COMPLETE WITH BABY.








. . drumroll . . .






YEAH. Can you even deal with that???? I certainly can't, and have been whimpering at my desk now for about the last hour. If anyone asks what's wrong I'll just tell them I have a disorder. And that, you know, my right ovary just exploded. Or I'll just show them the picture and they can start making baby animal yelps right along with me.

Here is my hot mom holding Master Precious III.

And here's my dad, who pretty much turns into a puddle of (very manly and tough) goo over babies.



(See also: From Whence I Inherited The Eyebrow)




And here are the happy grandparents with their grand-progeny. Please don't ask me what Ethan is doing--this is the same boy who, in all of my wedding pictures, is trying to pull his shirt up over his head.

Read More

Oh, I memorialed

I hope y'all's Memorial Days were good. Last Friday I was at Albertsons and noticed a veritable sea of potted & wrapped chrysanthemums in front of the store. The volume was surprising, as was the part where people were snatching them up like nobody's business. I thought, "Huh. Who even knew that mums were so popular here? I always thought they were kind of lame."

Then about 6 hours later I remembered about Memorial Day. And how some people actually live near the grave sites of deceased loved ones and so would be putting flowers on said graves in commemoration of the day. (Note: May wish to consider selling potted mums at roadside stand near cemetery as money-making venture next MD.) The purpose of the flowers didn't automatically occur to me because I think the last time I was in proximity with an ancestor's grave I was about 5 years old. I think if I did live near my family plots (all located in Virginia and North Carolina) I would probably be tempted to whisper shocking things while placing the flowers. "I belong to the Mormon cult!" "We have a black President!" "This one time I made biscuits & gravy and I completely screwed it up and people thought it was French!" Stuff like that. Note: I would not do this to my grandparents, but instead to the relatives I never actually knew. Nanny and Grandaddy would only get sweet words.

My day was lovely, though. I kissed GH goodbye as he got home from work and got in to bed (no holidays for him) and then drove down to Provo to hang out with the Precii, their parents, and coolboy. We drove up South Fork Canyon and had a picnic lunch and did a little stroll and enjoyed the gorgeous, gorgeous weather. A group of not-at-all-socially-awkward-seeming sword-fighters were there, practicing, and little Ethan could not even get over the fact that he was pretty much watching a pirate battle. His fork was in his hand and he kept swinging it around to mimic their movements.

I brought the kiddies a completely kick-trash library puppet stage that had been destined for the thrift store. I do what I can to solidify my favorite auntie status. We got to watch several theatricals. Savannah's were puppet based, mostly featuring Minnie Mouse, whereas Ethan's were about matchbox cars and airplanes. He was a courteous narrator who would let you know who was about to come onstage so as to alleviate any potential viewer anxiety. "Now it's going to be Lighting McQueen!" "Now it's going to be a stealth bomber!" "Now it's going to be Chick! Chick's naughty . . . "

Got home in time for a fried chicken & limeade dinner in the park with GH. So it was pretty much perfect.

(photo by the famous and talented Ed McCulloch on his iPhone--because I like to have famous people take pictures of my niece & nephew for me)

Read More

Recent highlights and lowlights

Highlight: Celebrated Lincoln's birth by achieving a fiscal victory. (It is what he would have wanted. Also I avoided being racist that day, which I think he would have also found pleasing.)Lugged self out of bed and drove to Provo for the Shade Clothing sale. Spent $35 on a pile of tops that were regularly priced at $140. Didn't have to elbow anyone in their shiny, shiny white teeth but was fully prepared to.

Highlight: Much love, enthusiasm, and sandwich hugs from darling Savvy & Ethan on Monday. The sandwich hug alone could probably restart the heart of a dead person. Or Ann Coulter.

Highlight: Savvy loves the darling pink stripey legwarmers I'm knitting for her 5th birthday. This is good, because the last thing I made her was a purple poncho that looked like it had Cheeto crumbs sprinkled on it. I doubt it's seen the light of day since.

Lowlights: Suspected the legwarmers might be knitting up too big--like, way too big. Tried them out on her over the weekend and the only way they will ever fit is if she suddenly develops gout. She tried to convince me that they were great while staggering around the room stiff-legged in order to keep them from falling off. Had to pull the whole thing apart and start over.

Highlight: Ran into Mormon Child Bride (with bonus guest Spouseman) at my library yesterday. It was our first IRL meeting, and there was much squealing and giggling and making of plans to get together to eat foods and braid each other's hair. Yay!

Lowlight: Dealing with the drunken man who wanted to get on the public phone every 10 minutes to bawl drunkenly (read: loudly) about how his mom was the most awesome woman who ever lived and he doesn't understand why we're treating him this way. (We were telling him he had to leave because we were closed.)

Lowlight: Dealing with the part where pretty much all children everywhere have somehow ingested crack-water over the weekend and now are all pinging off the walls. (Note: I did not say peeing off the walls. Yet. We'll see what today brings.)

Read More

Let's try this again

Don't get me wrong, I'm still in the depths of despair over the whole "it's still winter" thing. And what's even sadder is that it's not like I can just pack it in and spend the rest of the day cuddled up next to a heat-generating GH under my fluffy fluffy down comforter. Because I can't. Today is the day where I work 4 hours in the morning, get 4 hours off to go do awesome things like grocery shopping, and then go work 4 more hours. Jealous?

I did want to report on a weekend highlight, though.

You may remember that we gave the Precii the Christmas gift of a date. There are technically 4 Precii now, adding in GH's little niece and nephew (5 and baby). And I have to tell you, I'm really liking the date idea as a gift. Instead of just opening something Christmas morning in a sugar-fueled haze and then forgetting about it, they get to think about what they want to do and then get excited for it. GH's nephew kept telling everyone that we were taking him to the movies to see Madagascar 2, and Savvy put a lot of effort into planning her outfit and selecting refreshments for the Dinosaur Museum.

GH's nephew's (must choose a name for him) mom warned us that if there are scary bits during movies he covers his eyes with his hands. (I can sympathise with this ailment, actually. I went to see Coraline in 3-D, got scared, and clapped my hands over my eyes. Forgot that I was wearing sturdy plastic 3-D sunglasses. Slammed said sunglasses into bridge of nose, so was then scared and hurting.) What we didn't know, though, about the little guy is that not only does he clap his hands over his eyes while alarmed but he also yells really loud. Lucky for us we were at the dollar theater.

The Dinosaur Museum was great fun on Saturday and on the way back to our place we asked them if they'd liked the museum. Savvy's answer: "Yes, but I like playing the Wii at GH's house even more." So . . . I guess that's 20 bucks we could have saved ourselves. Around this time Savvy and Ethan discovered how to lower and raise the windows in my car. On I-15. I raised them back up, they put them back down, while I was trying to figure out how to get them up and then lock the controls, while driving. Finally, this happened:

Me: "Guys, I will pull over right now and we will go home."

Silence.

I finished adjusting the windows, then locked the controls.

GH: "Geez, mom . . . "

Yeah. That was a fun little glimpse into the next 20 years of life.

Also? It just started snowing again. Please excuse me while I curl up into fetal position somewhere.

Read More

A Precious Day

You might think this post is going to be about the day Gentleman Friend and Miss Nemesis became Mr. and Mrs. Nemeses. That actually turned out to be an event of secondary importance and must therefore be reported on later. Because this day was all about Savvy and how excruciatingly precious she is. (Photos by daltonboy)


Jenny told me that Savvy has been practicing "Giselle hands" for weeks in preparation for the big day. How does sending invitations, moving furniture, organizing seating, having a dress altered, ordering flowers, and arranging a luncheon for 150 people compare? Giselle hands are a lot of work to perfect, friends.


Savvy was glued to Nem's side the entire day. Whenever there was a brief moment the bride and groom needed to be alone--say, for couple photos, or speeches, Savvy was quite put out to be told she needed to stand aside. The very idea was incomprehensible to her, really. She mostly took it with good grace though, and didn't create an ugly scene, which speaks volumes for her classiness and excellent upbringing. There were a couple of pouty faces, which were also precious and hilarious, and didn't last long.

O! The worshipful bliss of this happy,happy day!


If Nem stepped to the left, Savvy hopped to the left. Her hands never left Nem's hands. Or dress, if the hand wasn't available. Jenny kept telling her to stop touching the dress, but when it became clear that wasn't going to work out under any circumstances, she finally resorted to just washing Savvy's hands every five minutes.


When Nem picked up her skirts to walk, Savvy picked up her skirts to walk. Never mind that her skirts weren't dragging on the ground. They must be gathered. And swished.

When people complimented her beautiful dress and flowers, Savvy curtseyed, or did some kind of dance that looked, quite honestly, a little like she had to go to the bathroom. To be fair, it was the way you might imagine a princess would look if she had to go to the bathroom.


If things ever got slow, Savvy would just stand in place, rising up and down on her tiptoes and fluttering her hands.

As lovely as Nem was, I couldn't take my eyes off the preciousness. I found myself wishing someone (maybe even I) had hired a videographer just to follow that darling girl around and capture her cuteness.


And no, there wasn't music playing, nor was there dancing.

Okay, it felt good to get that out. Now we can move on to the reporting of the actual wedding and the actual bride and groom. Because that was nice, too.

Read More

Stories that make librarians shed happy tears

This morning Jenny called to tell me what they'd been up to at her house. Apparently they were out of butter and Savvy wanted crepes for breakfast. Because she's white trash like that.

To Jenny's dismay, there was no butter in the fridge. So the crepe idea was out. But I guess they read Pancakes for Breakfast by Tomie dePaola recently, with the little grandmother who goes out and milks the cow to get the cream to make the butter, etc. Savvy remembered the story and said, "Mom, we can just make the butter out of cream! Like in the story!"

Aaaaand this is the part where I called my lawyer and directed her to make Savannah Mae the direct beneficiary of my impressive, impressive investment portfolio and sand-jar collection.

So they made themselves some butter, using a food processor instead of a churn. Or jar. Or boot. And then they ate their crepes while practicing their French pronunciation and holding their pinkies in the air. I asked Jenny if during the two minutes it took to make that butter she was standing there thinking, "Suck it, pioneers!"

She totally was.

Read More

The body doesn't even need two kidneys

So if you ever hear that I let someone dig one of mine out with a rusty garden trowel, you can bet it had something to do with this:


Because how can you even withhold organs from someone who looks at you like that? My b-in-law Ed emailed this last night, at which point my heart and my left ovary may have exploded.

Don't get me wrong, Ethan could totally have a kidney too if he needed it first. But he's been on thin ice ever since he met Gentleman Friend last month (new name to be unveiled soon) and completely preferred him to me. It was like, "Oh, hey Nem. YOU, though--New guy! Check out my cars! And also my pirate ship! And look what I can do! Now let me go to my room and get toys and bring them out for you to inspect and admire! Also, let's become blood brothers. Right here, right now. I'll get the knife."

Read More

They say it's like riding a bike

It's been so long since I blogged last that I'm hoping I can remember how to do it properly. But speaking of bikes, since this was practically the first morning I haven't had to dig my car out from under snow in forever, I rode mine to work today.

Only it was a lot harder than I remember it being. I was puffing and heaving and generally dying and trying to hold back the vomit that threatened to spill out over the handlebars. It's a good thing the way home is a bit more downhillish. And it's a comfort to know that in a couple more weeks of this I will be a true hardbody.

Had a fabulous week and weekend, with enough going on to fill like eight posts. Will start with conference highlights.

Got to feel like a famous person twice when I was recognized from the blog. They both said they knew me by my hair. And they still were willing to be seen talking to me. This would not have happened in junior high, I can tell you.

The great Shawn Econo introduced himself (we meet at last!) and we chatted for a bit. Then one of the fab Provo librarians I blogged about last year came over before a session started and introduced herself. It was funny because the librarians sitting near me looked over like, "Should we know who this chick is?" Then I put on my Mysterious Face of Mystery. And I invited myself along to lunch with the Provo crowd. They were very gracious, and it turned out that one of them knows Savvy from storytime. And understands that she is, in fact, The Precious.

Did meet Susan Patron and had her sign The Higher Power of Lucky for me. Chose not to mention the s-word based on her comment to the person in front of me in line: "Yeah. The book about more than just that one word." Instead I talked about Daltongirl's Newbery collection and how this copy is going to be a birthday present for her. She liked that story a lot better and said she was excited to be a part of that. So, good save by me! I'm sure pissing off Newbery winners is bad karma, somehow.

Read More

Behold the hair cut

So yeah, it's fun and I like it. And it takes like 10 minutes to do in the morning, which I am all for. Now I can spend the rest of the time on meditation. And bust-increasing exercises.


This weekend was all kinds of good, beginning with the part where L**** decided to give me a freaking break and stop with the snowing. The kiddies came up and we did Baby Animal Days and got to be all one with the baby pigs and lambs and horses and calves. And if anyone heard the part where I mistakenly told Savvy that a baby calf was, in fact, a baby llama, please just wipe that from your memory. Because I'm pretty sure you're on drugs and I didn't actually say that.

Something I did say, though, which almost caused the earth to stop spinning on its invisible axis, was this gem during lunch.

Me: "Uh oh, Baby Ethan's excaped."

A sudden hush falls.

Me: "Wait, what?? I mean, he's ES-scaped. Escaped. Oh my gosh, I don't even know what I'm saying!!!!"

Jenny: "Wow. And then my librarian sister lost her mind."

Yeah. That was the low point. Am starting the fish oil supplements right now. And the electroshock therapy.

Here's a pic of Savvy during Baby Animal Days. Because how is she even supposed to create art if the sun is in her eyes? Turns out she's more comfortable coloring pictures of baby frogs and turtles than she is with holding them. Closest we got was when I held a baby turtle and she touched it with one index finger before running away.

Read More

Ya das ist ein sexy head

So I got my hairs cut this morning and I am Loving. It. Don't have pictures yet to show, but will get some up soon. Here's a preview of what you'll get, though.

Picture 1: Aged hag with 2-month-old pony tail and 3-inch bat poop roots who hates hair and possibly self.

Picture 2: Smoking hotness.

To get more specific, do y'all remember my precious niece Savvy? Yeah. I got her haircut. So add some height, boobs, and crow's feet and you're there.


Am pretty sure that, if nothing else, this move will cement my Favorite Auntie status. Plus I'm taking her tomorrow to pet baby piglets. Which are her brand of crack, much as baby lambs are mine.

I can't lose.

Read More

Things I've been doing instead of making the sweet love to the Internet

Please note that I did not say "making the sweet love on the Internet," which is something that I neither do nor encourage. And if you try it in my library you will Feel the Wrath.

Knitting. I've been a knitting fool, y'all. It's just so darn addicting! And I love having something new and better to do with my Ritalin-candidate fingers. Because this way I can say, "Hello, I was watching a movie the other night and while I watched I made you these darling fingerless gloves in blue. Enjoy!" instead of "Hello, I was watching a movie the other night and noticed at the end that I had no fingernails left. I gathered them up though and put them in this baggie. Enjoy!" Also, it turns out I can knit in the car! And it doesn't make me carsick! So now I have something to do when I'm a passenger instead of shutting my eyes so that I don't accidentally read billboard text and immediately throw up everywhere.

Here's that purple Cheeto poncho I mentioned. It turned out fine but the one in the book seemed a lot more hole-y. Will have to play around with the pattern next time.

Spending Easter with the Precii. Yeah, I know you're jealous of me. And it's okay. I would be too. Ethan decided that he will be adding jam & cream-cheese coffee cake to his Foods I Will Eat list (currently containing 8 items).

And then I may or may not have eaten his face off because I had No Earthly Choice, people.

Savvy helped me with the deviled eggs and loved them. Because she is possibly my secret love child.


Getting all hopped up on spring. I now have 2.5 blooming crocuses in my yard. Expect pictures soon. I check on them multiple times a day and croon loving thoughts to them. And so help me if any of the neighbor kids so much as touch my flowers I will beat them with their own scooters. L**** is pretty well on my crap list for its winters, but they almost make up for it with all the baby animals you see running around in the spring. They even have Baby Animal Days. This is where the geniuses at the American West Heritage Center put baby lambs and bunnies and piglets all in one place and you get to hold them all and then your heart explodes right there and you die. It's going to be awesome.

Read More

Yes, I'm a posting slacker

And today I'm not going to be much better.

Freshome has published a list of the 30 most creative bookshelf designs. You may remember I have a thing for bookshelves. Some of these, like this one, are supercool.


Others had me wincing inside and and wanting to reach out and hold the books that will surely be destroyed if they remain long in such a configuration.


Those who are like me are probably having to remind themselves to breathe deeply right now. It's okay.

I've got a jam-packed weekend of sweetness and light in front of me. Tonight I'm going out for a steak dinner to sate my desire for roasted flesh, and tomorrow Spitfire and I head down to Provo for Easter with the Precii. We will be eating these cookies and I will make My Famous Deviled Eggs Which I'm Sure Are My Ticket To One Day Catching a Man.

The one bit of the weekend I'm nervous about it the part where I present Savvy with the poncho I knitted for her. She requested purple but the only purple yard I could find also has tiny flecks of bright orange in it. Am desperately hoping that she will be thinking of this when she looks at it. (Jen, start showing these pictures to her now, please.) And not so much of these scattered on a purple poncho, which is where my mind goes every single time I look at the thing.

Read More

Hey! It is a scholarship program!

Spitfire and I spent the weekend solidifying our status as favorite Aunties ever. We watched the kiddies on Friday night while Jenny & Ed had a much needed evening away.

I really liked the part where Savvy kept coming up with reasons to get out of bed and tell me important things.

"I need a new band-aid on my foot."

5 minutes later:

"My mom bought me these band-aids."

3 minutes later:

"These band-aids came from Target."

That's when I drugged her and locked her in the bedroom.

Saturday morning we took them to the Bean Life Science Museum, where Savvy discovered her Inner Bravery and petted a real live big ol' snake. I was kind of surprised she did it. Must have been the last of the drugs.

Then we took them to Burger Supreme where they drank ketchup with a side of french fries.

I'm going to miss Savannah's birthday, on account of I'll be lounging on the beach in Hawaii at the time. Which, yeah, I'm pretty broken up about that. But I told her I would take her on a date and asked what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to go to the mall and have the ladies there put makeup on her. And then go to the Disney store, since that's at the mall too. She's a sly one, she is.

So in my ongoing efforts to turn Savvy into a pageant girl, I took her for a special makeover at the MAC counter and then followed her around while she tried on shoes and jewelry in Nordstrom. She also twirled in the aisle and carried on serious, lovingful conversations with the store mannequins. Jenny thinks this may be to do with that Fidelity video by Regina Spektor, which is a favorite at their house.

The makeover was funny, even if it likely got me disowned by Grandpa. I asked the MAC girl if she could take a minute to do just a tiny bit of makeup on Savvy, because it's her birthday and that's what she asked for.

The MAC girl asked, "Like some pink eye shadow, lip gloss, stuff like that?"

I said yes, thinking she meant the pearly, barely-there type of stuff, which is what I put on Savvy when I'm doing my own makeup and she demands a turn. Turns out she thought I meant hot pink, which is what Savvy got. Which kind of made my eyes bulge as I tried to figure out how to get that toned down lest people think I really did want to follow in the Ramsey Family footsteps. But the girl was so sweet with Savvy. After applying the eye shadow, blush, and tinted lip gloss, she told us to wait while she got a mirror. She came back with the mirror but also with a teeny sample pot with a bit of the sparkly pink eye shadow for Savvy to take home and show to her father the next time she wants him to have a heart attack and die.

Read More

The best-laid plans . . .

So, as you may have noticed, Christmas is next week. My parents are flying down and we're going to have Christmas in Provo with Jenny & Ed & The Precii.

There are a few things I'm especially looking forward to:

A phone call from dear coolboy, who is laboring away on the sandy beaches of the Dominican Republic, (missionaries only call home twice a year--usually on Mother's Day and Christmas). Coolboy let us know that last year's Christmas phone call sucked bricks and that we'd better think of better & less boring things to tell him this year. I personally plan to make stuff up. I will begin with my pregnancy scare and end with the grizzly bear that wandered into the University Mall and mauled several Victoria's Secret patrons.

The food. Mom has already called Jen with the grocery list, which includes prime rib, brie, and one of those shrimp cocktail platters from Costco that are the size of my front door. Last time we purchased one of those it was half gone by the time we got it home. I'm going to make crab-stuffed mushrooms, which are tiny little balls of crack-laced goodness. I may or may not let other family members partake.

The Precii. Savvy and Ethan are so sweet and so excited about the whole Christmas thing. I talked with Sav on the phone the other night and told her that I bought her a Christmas present.

Savvy: Why? (This is her response to all statements now, which I think she does just to screw with our minds.)

Me: Because I like you.

Savvy: What is it?

Me: I can't tell, it's a secret.

Savvy: Oh, okay! [drops voice to a whisper] I won't tell anyone!

And then my heart exploded out of my chest.

My present to her, for those of you who love secrets, is a Disney Princess coloring book pack that comes with Disney Princess stickers and pencils and erasers, etc. I could have retrieved a crumpled piece of garbage from the trash and slapped Ariel's face on it and she would have loved it just as much, but I decided to go this other route instead.

You know what's no longer a highlight?

Pictures. I got my hair trimmed and my 4-inch bat poop roots touched up this morning so that when I meet my mom at the airport she doesn't tilt her head and scrunch her eyes and say something like, "So . . . what would you call that, exactly?" Only I shouldn't have even bothered because yesterday my face decided to Freak. the Heck. Out and erupt in zits so massive that Gremlins are probably going to hatch out of them during the night. One of them is up near my hairline and so the stylist kept bumping against it. Which, not necessarily her fault. These things are huge enough that they've possibly affected the existing gravitational force fields, much like planets, and maybe it's not possible to get within 3 feet of me without smacking into one of them, but still. She's just gonna make it mad!

Read More

Quite the productive weekend

We done got Cicada and Murray hitched this weekend (to each other, as planned, rather than to other people, which would have been awkward). It was all quite nice. Expect stories, for there are several. In fact, Daltongirl and I are going to be guest blogging over at Cicada Song this week while the happy couple are honeymooning in Costa Rica. So you won't even have to wait until they get back to get answers to these and other pressing questions:

What did Cicada's dress look like?

What bit of inspired advice from the temple officiator left Daltongirl and me raising both eyebrows?

Which newlywed couple went AWOL between the ceremony and the reception, causing Jenny and me to get this scene from Arrested Development stuck in our heads?

Who narrowly escaped death in the reception hall kitchen?

Stay tuned.

I believe, though, that the weekend accomplishment which brought me the most pride had nothing to do with the wedding. Sunday morning little Ethan saw me cutting up some brie (leftovers from the reception) and asked for a taste. I gave him a tiny piece, figuring he would hate it just as he hates all other Foods Which Are Not Tikka Masala. Because seriously. This kid will act like you're trying to poison him when you give him kid-friendly items, but take him into the Indian Oven and he'll eat everything on his plate and then lunge for yours in the manner of a rabid stoat.

I gave Ethan the brie, figuring he would spit it out, give me a dirty look, and then head into the guest room to urinate on my pillow. But he didn't. He asked for more, and when I gave him a bigger slice he crammed the thing into his mouth.

This was pretty much the proudest moment of my life. My nephew loves brie. He will grow up and I will invite him to my Pride & Prejudice parties where we will eat the brie together. And possibly I'll get him a French aristocrat costume for next year's Halloween.

Aaaand that was the sound of my father falling off his chair, clutching his left arm.

Read More

Hooky is my new favorite

Highlights from today with the Preciouses:

It was a beautiful, gorgeous sunny fall day. Absolutely the best day to leave work early and go find fabulous things about L**** to offset the poop smells.

Lunch at the Indian Oven (new location on Main Street, y'all!). Which was, in Jen's words, "rill, rill good." I love me that lunch buffet.

Took Savvy and Ethan to the historic Bluebird Cafe to buy chocolates. I knew the spinning stools at the soda fountain would change their world forever. And then I blew the rest of Ethan's mind when I gave him his first gummy worm. He approached the thing dubiously and bit it right in the middle, with the two ends hanging out the sides of his mouth. Then he realized that he was eating the kids' version of crack cocaine. He was mine for the next five minutes. This is what I do when Spitfire's not around, trying to raise my stock. (She's his real favorite.) And then Ethan and Savvy played an impromptu round of "Ring around the Rosies" out in the fall leaves, which made my heart explode in my chest cavity.

Went to Second Dam and walked around. One too many Phil Hartman impressions later, Savvy called her dad to tell him that she saw the "Dam fish, daddy."

Spitfire and I took Savvy to FHE. The group was decorating Halloween cookies, but first there was a very good but forever long (to a 3-yr-old) mini-lesson. Savvy held up admirably, sitting on my lap for the boring bits. But I'd promised her a party, which she kept reminding me in a very reverent whisper. I couldn't understand why people were sitting there talking about and looking at other things when there was pretty much the most precious girl ever placed on this earth sitting right there. I mean, what if she did something amazing and they miss it?

Savvy loves my Rosehill Dairy milk, as do I. In fact, when I was at Jen's last and drank her Target milk I wondered if someone slipped dishwashing detergent into my glass. Whereas when I drink my milk I wonder if people slipped sugar and sunshine and rainbows in. At least 6 times Savvy asked for my "special milk."

Kids playing with Jen on my bed. Me: "See? My bed is totally fun. It's too bad more boys don't realize that."

Read More

Sometimes L**** is just too precious

On 800 East there is a house with loads of pumpkins and squash and assorted seasonal gourds lining the front curb. There is no one outside to take the money--a toolbox sits on a table next to the pumpkins and a homemade sign directs patrons to leave their payment inside it.




I've been meaning to stop and support them (and to take pictures for the blog). I mentioned this to a friend on Friday night and he shook his head at the things I find amusing. Saturday afternoon I drove over and had a mini photo shoot. As I crouched down, straddling the curb to get that first picture, a car drove by and then flipped a U-turn to pull over. I was pleased to see that others were supporting this local enterprise until I saw that it was actually the friend from Friday, laughing his head off at me for being a geek (his words). Which, you know, is totally okay of him to think. He tried to amend the mockery by saying that it's an adorable kind of geekiness. So to show that there were no hard feelings, I complimented him on the way he drove up over the curb and nearly lost a tire during his U-turn. Because I'm a giver.

And then I picked out my very cute 75 cent pumpkin, which perfectly complements the two larger pumpkins already on my porch. I'm pretty much the Autumn Queen. Savvy and Ethan are coming up with Jen tomorrow and I'm going to take them over to pick one out. They will think it's cool.

What sort of things are you doing to celebrate autumn? Aside from eating glazed donuts and drinking apple cider, of course.

Read More

Totally reasonable expectations

A week ago a children's book came in to the library that included a small necklace. After making sure no one else was desperate to wear a cheap necklace with a pink-enameled cameo of a little girl's profile on it, I grabbed it for Savvy.

I called her that night to give her the news.

Me: Hey Savvy, I got you something!

Savvy (in the voice of either a sorority sister or a flamboyantly gay male): Oooooh, what iiiis it?

Me: It's a necklace.

Savvy: Oh my gosh, a necklace!

Me: Yes, it's a princess necklace.

Savvy: Oh! And a princess dreeeess, and princess shooooes?

Me: Um . . . no. It's just the necklace, actually.

Savvy (completely deflated and now no longer bothering to even pretend to care): Oh.

Read More

Wherein I had my first deep-fried Snickers bar

Had a grand time at the Utah State Fair yesterday. I went down with Spitfire and her bf-who-does-not-yet-have-a-blog-name, and we met up with Jen & Co. Cicada and Murray also joined us.

Savvy is a real chicken, but she felt safe petting the goats, I think. She made sure to pick as her petting targets the big ones who were lying on their sides, not looking at her, and preferably asleep or unconscious.


Cicada was a big hit with the goats, who all wanted to snuggle up to her and love her the most and go home with her. I dubbed her Goat Whisperer.


And really, those goats were pretty much the cutest things ever. They're supposed to make great pets and you can let them graze in the back yard and they'll keep your lawn cut for you. And they probably don't produce any more poop than an outside dog does. So yeah, I'm all for goats. Especially this one:


Seriously, I could not even take how precious this sleepy little guy was. At the same time I was fretting about where his mama is and why is he not eating? BABIES NEED TO EAT!!!


Also, I found my heart's desire, even the deep-fried Snickers bar. For only $4, the dream could be mine. I was surprised to see that a prepared bar looked a lot like a corn dog--a corn dog of sin, that is. The batter tasted a lot like a churro and the finished product was rolled into cinnamon sugar. So yeah, it was delicious in an "I can't believe how low we've sunk as a people, and maybe we just deserve to get Type II diabetes and die and leave the inheritance of the earth to the sensible creatures" kind of way. Good times, though.

Read More

I love it when people are reasonable

So this morning I dragged myself to work a whole two hours early (before you start getting out your violins, I normally don't go in until 10am) so that I could do an online training session for the filling in of the state's annual statistical library report thingies.

When the moderator and I got online we realized that I was the only one who'd shown up for this two-hour training. Crossing fingers, I said that I'd really only brought a couple of questions so I didn't know how helpful it would be for me to receive the entire presentation. And he, bless him, said we could just go ahead and do my questions and call it good.

Now, this is a guy who takes his job and these reports seriously, and yet he had the goodness to not make me sit through the entire thing unnecessarily. Some people would make you do that. They would be all, "I made a PowerPoint presentation and so you are going to sit there and like it and I just might even extend the training to get back at you for thinking that every word which drops from my lips is not made up of diamonds and sapphires and the healing tears of the unicorn."

I'm off for the Utah State Fair this afternoon, where I will cavort and gambol with my sisters and the Precii. I think I'll avoid the rides, since one of my Fair Goals is to find me a deep-fried Snickers bar and ingest it. Possibly with whipped cream and chocolate sauce on top. I hope someone there does that. Go watch the commercials, they're hilarious.


Since we're all here anyway, does anyone want to share their favorite fair foods/rides/traditions? Or any great funnel cakes + teacups = rainbow vomit stories?

Read More