It can't love you back, people

I went to the temple this morning and when I got to the front desk the sweet elderly temple worker asked my roommate and I if we had cell phones with us. I smiled and said, "No."I refrained from adding, ". . . because I was raised by humans." Even though that's what I think every single time. You already know I have strong feelings on this issue.

But seriously, in the temple? My mom volunteers in the Anchorage Temple and they've had problems with people's cell phones ringing inside their lockers, over and over and over again. I told mom that she should use her master key to unlock the locker, take the cell phone out, and leave a note on the outside of the locker which reads, "Your cell phone had to be removed because it was causing a disturbance. It is being held for you in the temple president's office. Feel the shame."

Only it gets better. Now before we go in for a session, after we've already changed into pretty white dresses, a temple worker announces that if anyone has a cell phone with them then they need to shut it off and go put it back in their locker. When they say this I always look around in disbelief, wondering why anyone would get changed, leave all their other stuff in their locker, but then slip a cell phone into the pocket of their temple dress. I mean, are they thinking they're going to pop out and make a call if things get boring? Are they expecting a call--a call which they feel they're going to be able to answer in the middle of a session? Because really, there's actually no opportunity for that.

I mentioned this to my friend Crow (he of the merit badges fame) and he said he actually saw that happen. He was at the temple and heard a cell phone go off in the middle of the session. Then he saw a woman reach into her pocket, take the phone out, check it, and then put it back in her pocket. And this was after two requests to please ditch the phones.

FOR. THE. LOVE.

I think my brain would have ruptured if I'd been there. I actually had a mild seizure when I heard the story. Crow doesn't think any of the temple workers noticed. Because if they do, I believe they're supposed to stop the session and wait until the cell phone owner gets up to take the phone out. Since he is a kinder person than I am, he was trying to think of a reason why one might legitimately need to have their phone with them. I told him there isn't a reason, so he should feel free to judge that person. And maybe throw stuff at her if he ever sees her again.

Because really, if there is a 2-hour unit of time in which you seriously cannot shut your phone off without dire consequences then you just don't go to the temple during that time. Or to church. Or to a wedding. Or a movie. Or a play. You just don't. Also? Quit texting during church. That is just trashy and it makes me want to find some large cell-phone-shaped pacifier and cram it in your mouth or perhaps call your mother up and ask what warped weaning methods she used on you because clearly you do not know how to detach. Which is when Crow told me this gem:

The members of his bishopric sit up there on the stand on Sunday and send texts to members of the congregation.

Yeah. They DO that. One Sunday his bishop came up to him and was all, "Hey [Crow], you never answered my text. I sent it during sacrament meeting." Crow responded with, "Well, I don't bring my phone to church with me. Aaaaaand it's kind of embarrassing that we're even having this conversation." Only maybe that last part was in his head.

Posted in: being a Mormon,on my crap list,things that make me stare in disbelief