Many thanks and my first adopted ethnic baby go to Desmama for sending this to me. She also forwarded it on to Eric D. Snider so I'd better get on it before he does. Then even if his mockery is funnier than mine at least mine was first, dangit.
Our local newspaper-ish publication included the following wedding announcement. The bride and groom chose to express their love through verse, as many young men and women before them have done.
Here is the poem. My comments are in parentheses.
(Cool, are they rich? I like rich.)
It all started when they met at a soccer game
He thought she was hot she thought so too
(Wait, did she think he was hot or did she agree that she herself was hot?)
But after the first date it was through
He was scared she didn’t care
Being just high school seniors they didn’t dare.
(As Desmama rightly asks, what did they not dare do? Perhaps there is some kind of family feud involved, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. Because that's just epic.)
Years later he went on a mission
All the way to Korea a far away nation
(For the family members who don't know what Korea is.
Not that this is much help, since there is no nation called Korea.
Maybe she should find out where he really spent those two years.)
When he got home she went on one too
Down to San Diego where the ocean is blue
They forgot each other were alive
(Oh. Oh dear. I feel my grammar migraine coming upon me.)
Who knew their love would survive.
(Aaaaand it's here.)
She had finished school a long time ago
He on the other hand was going real slow
(Translation: she'll settle for a dummy now that she's getting all old.
It's cheaper than getting her eggs frozen.)
Then one day they finally met, again
Then marriage wasn’t a question of how, (or why) but when,
They didn’t like each other quite at first
But between them love soon burst.
(Kind of like what just happened to my left retina.)
Now they have the chance to say
That they are happy to announce this special day
To all those far and near
That this happy day is finally here
March the Tenth is the day to remember
In the Logan Temple where marriage is forever.
(I'm glad they went easy with the periods.
If you give every sentence a period then they start acting all entitled.)
The other 70% of the time I shake my fist at the heavens and shout, "So THOSE are the people who get to breed?? Are you KIDDING ME???"
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