I hate meetings more than I hate a slap on the tush

Because at least if someone grabs my bum I can charge them with battery, assault, sexual harassment, and any other thing that applies. And I can get them fired and publish all about what a depraved sexual deviant they are (and since it's true it's not slander or libel). Also I can slap them hard on the face or punch them in the windpipe, but will possibly check into the legality of that since I don't want to deal with a counter suit.

With meetings, however, I can't do any of these things. I have no recourse. I just have to sit there and pretend that I don't actually feel my life force being drained from my slumped-over body. Also, let's clear something up: I am in no way talking about specific meetings that happened in my own office this very morning, so don't think that I am! I'm more talking about meetings in general--in the nebulous, "Hey, haven't you ever noticed this about meetings, whether they be to do with church or employment or volunteering or civic activities or family councils or support groups for people who kill those who force them to attend unnecessary meetings." You know, general stuff.

What kills me is how some people seem to love them. I mean yeah, some meetings are good and productive and short and have food, but most are the opposite of this. Maybe the people in charge love that they get to call the meetings. They act like they're throwing some kind of party with free pony rides. And you're supposed to get all excited and dance around at the prospect of such a fun fun time. But half the time I have absolutely no interest in the meeting, I have nothing to add to the meeting, and I would much rather stay at my desk surfing the Internet or maybe even doing the odd spot of work.

But to say that you'll pass on the meeting is like saying that you're skipping some WWII veteran's 100th birthday. "But it's a meeting! And you've been invited! How could you not want to come listen to people bluster about things for two hours?" Yeah well, I don't go to every party I get invited to, Skippy. But the guilt starts, and so I go, and then the people in charge decide that the 5 empty chairs in the room are some kind of silent affront to whoever is holding the meeting, so they go and grab five other people who have nothing to do with the meeting and make them come sit in the chairs with us. Because a meeting is valuable if it's keeping lots of people from doing their jobs.

By this, I mean people who really work, as opposed to people who do what I do.

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