I am a healthy and self-actualized individual

Awhile back Cicada set me up with a very nice guy. We went out a few times and, although he eventually decided not to pursue anything with me, he was perfectly lovely in every other respect. And I guess he got in touch with Cicada recently to be sure they're still okay. I heard about it later through IM.

Cicada: [Boy in question] said that he hopes he and I can still be friends.

I told him that just because he didn't choose to marry my most wonderful and perfect and lovely friend doesn't mean that he and I can't be friends.

Me: Hah hah. I was wondering if you guys were back in touch. And I'm glad that you can be so noble.

Cicada: And then I told him that you'll probably name your first cat [BiQ].

Me: Bwah hah hahah!

Cicada: And your second cat [BiQ] II.

And your third cat [BiQ] III.

Me: Yes. And then I'll get them all neutered.

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Actually, I do mind.

I would like to share a little tidbit from Miss Manners' Basic Training: Communication (1997). She is addressing cell phone etiquette.

Miss Manners understands that for the owners of portable telephones the number-one etiquette hazard is embarrassment. There is hardly any more public wallflower than the person who is obviously lugging around telephone equipment than never seems to ring. No one should have to be stuck with having to talk to the person he or she is actually with.

It is, of course, Miss Manners' duty to sympathize with all etiquette problems. But she allows herself some discretion about which ones to suffer over first. In the manner of peripatetic telephones, she worries first about the nonusers present who are being annoyed.

So do I, Miss Manners. So do I. Also, it is so much worse now. I don't know why this is, but people whom I consider to be well-mannered individuals throw the rules completely out the window when it comes to cell phones. So. I would like to present the rules here, just in case there are people out there who A) do not know them, or B) don't think said rules apply to them (hint: they do).

1. Turn your phone off the second you step into a museum, church, restaurant, theatre, library, waiting room, or other public place frequented by actual civilized people. My library doesn't have a cell phone rule, even though it really should, which means that I get to hear cell phones ringing merrily at all hours of the day and people chattering on about things we shouldn't be hearing, like custody battles and which brother is trying to stiff his siblings out of their inheritance. Today a woman was asking me a reference question when her cell phone went off--loudly. I then had to sit there with the Eyebrow of Death and wait for her to stare at it and debate whether or not to answer it. And I've said this before but some of you haven't listened --sending text-messages during church is tacky. And so are you if you do it. And you'll make Jesus cry.

2. If your phone rings during a live performance, you deserve to be slapped. If it rings again during the same performance, you deserve to be slapped by every member of the audience, the cast, and the orchestra. And anyone else who just happens by and wants to smack you.

3. Do not have personal or emotional conversations on your cell phone in public. None of us want to be held hostage by your drama. We shouldn't have to listen to any of your cell phone conversations, actually. So find yourself a corner and use it. Wait until you get off the airplane to start making calls. I've listened to about a million "Yeah. Yeah, I just landed in Columbus. We're just taxiing on the runway now. Yeah. So I'm calling to tell you that. Because it makes such a difference that you know this now, rather than 5 minutes from now. And I want everyone else on this plane to know I'm so special that entire teams of people need to be apprised of my every move" calls, and I would be just fine with never hearing one again.

4. Ditch the annoying ringtones. What are you, twelve? I'm going to be additionally irritated if I have to listen to some stupid song when your cell phone goes off.

5. Stop screaming into your phone. You don't need to do that.

6. Do not even think about using your cell phone when you're at the check-out stand. That is so incredibly rude to the person who has to be polite to you even though you don't have the courtesy to acknowledge her presence. She would be perfectly justified in cramming that thing in your ear. The other day I worked the circulation desk and had to help a lady who remained on her phone and never once looked at me. She has no idea how close she came to getting clubbed like a baby seal with her own phone.

7. Do not have drawn-out cell phone conversations if you are with guests. And yes, the people in the car with you are guests--or at least they can't choose to be somewhere else. I've been stunned on occasion when I've set out with a friend only to be ignored while they have a merry cell-phone conversation with someone else. Because guess what? You, the person you're calling, and me do not = a happy threesome. It equals you being rude and me wondering why I'm even there.

Now. Let's all do our best to make the world a better and more considerate place and stave off the public slappings, shall we?

Thank you.

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Pics from conference weekend

Spitfire and I drove down to Provo over the weekend to watch the General Conference sessions with Jenny & her family. For my friends who are not LDS, it's a Church-wide conference held the first weekend of April and October. Talks are broadcast from SLC to the congregations all over the world. In UT they show the conference sessions on TV, but it's a bit difficult to pay strict attention with little kids around. It's also difficult to pay attention when you've just had a fabulous Jenny-made breakfast and you're on a comfy couch with the sun resting on you and lulling you into a coma, but that's my own problem. I was awake, though, for the talks that were probably written specifically with me in mind and that kicked my butt a little bit. Like the one where Elder Holland pointed out the problem with praising God and then mocking His children with the same mouth. Ouch.

On Sunday we took the kids over to the Provo Temple grounds to show Savannah the tulips--all one of them. I guess the tulips are shy this year.

The tulip

Spitfire & Savvy, who wore a very fetching ensemble including a big yarn scarf.

Me & Ethan at Kiwanis park. Picture by the talented & award-winning photographer Ed McCulloch w/my crappy camera.

Ed & Ethan & some random missionaries

Jen trying to distract Savvy from her running around & screaming goals.

Me, Savvy, & my fab new skirt

Could not get enough of these trees. They were everywhere.

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