Hippie fail all over the place

I had such plans, friends. I was going to be a natural-childbirthing, public-breastfeeding, baby-wearing, cloth-diapering mom. Let's see how that's working out for me, shall we?

Natural Hypnobabies childbirth: I think we all remember how that worked out.

Breastfeeding: Turns out my boobs were not interested in playing and were going to send me off a cliff if I didn't leave them alone.

Co-sleeping: I wasn't going to have him in our bed, but his bassinet was going to be in our room for the first few months so that he could be comforted by our smell and our breathing and so I could attend to his every need. Yeah, that was over before we left the hospital. Turns out I cannot sleep in the same room as quite possibly the snuffliest baby in the world. I swear, truffle pigs could learn from him. Every three seconds I'd bolt upright, convinced by the noise that he was going to suffocate or, by the lack of noise, that he already had. Last time we tried bunking down together, at GH's parents' house, I ended up on the living room couch and GH retreated to the basement to sleep in his old room on his old (I'm sure spider-egg infested) bed. But at least we slept.

Baby-wearing: My elephant of a baby was too big for a newborn sling and once I got up the courage to try sticking him in this bad boy he hated it. Hay. ted. Have not given up entirely, just might need to wait until he's old enough to position a different way. And then prepare myself for the hate.

Cloth diapering: Was super-excited about this one. I may have failed at everything else, but at least I can still save the planet from non-biodegradable diapers. Borrowed my sister's Sunbabies diapers (the affordable ones made by Chinese toddlers--$5 per diaper rather than $15-$20 each like Fuzzibuns and bumGenius) to give it a go before purchasing. And look how adorable they are on him!


Washing them was no big deal, so I was feeling good about the whole thing. Until . . . he got a blister on his bottom. We took a break from the cloth while we went out of town, and then tried them again. This time? Two blisters. So clearly something about these diapers does not work with him. I think it's that the cotton fabric inside is kind of rough and bumpy & chafes him when it gets wet. But now they're on version 4.0 (with patterns! precious!!!) and Sunbabies lady says it's a new, softer microfleece on the inside. So I don't know if I should just go for it and hope for the best, pay more for a more expensive brand, or just stick to finding bargains on disposables and killing the earth again some more.

Am possibly going to stop having goals, because that just seems to be sending a signal to the universe that I am begging for a smack-down. In fact, I am going to stop even thinking about making my own baby food when the time comes, because I'm sure that's a one-way ticket to me just pouring nothing but straight pesticides and Gerber puffs down his throat. So I'll stop here.

Posted in: Lord Voldemort