Because letter writing is an endangered art

Dear mother who allowed her small child to sweep an entire shelf of juvenile non-fiction books and, later, about 50 board books out onto the carpet in scattered heaps and then waltzed off without trying to straighten it up or notify anyone of the mess,

You are a ho-bag.

Love,
Nem


Dear everybody else,

Here is how to not be a ho-bag while using your library.

1. Please keep an eye on children who might be prone to creating such messes. Actually, just keep an eye on your children, period. If you can't see them, that is not good. Seriously. There are freaky people at libraries. And things children might be tempted to climb up and then fall off of. Also sharp corners. And maybe exposed wiring. Who even knows.

2. When your child makes a mess, please clean it up. I don't CARE if the other kids were pulling out board books too. Please take pride in your library and don't leave it looking trashed.

Helpful Note: You library should have several shelves or carts specifically designed for books that need to be put away. Locate them and make them your friends. If at the end of your visit you realize that you have all these items you don't want to check out, you can just leave them on that shelf/cart to be put away by the library staff. Then you're not leaving a mess, the books go back where they belong, everybody wins and can go frolic in the meadows together while sharing moments of ecstasy and love.

3. There are exceptions to the Stay And Clean It Up Your Own Dang Self Rule.

a. You discover a big ol' mess about 5 minutes after you needed to leave for another appointment.

b. You have a fussy/screaming child with you.

c. You're not sure how to clean it up (especially when it involves, say, reshelving books by Dewey Decimal number) or where the items go.

d. Your water just broke.

In such cases, gather the books up so it's obvious that you made an effort, then go find a library employee. Say words like this: "I'm so sorry, I turned my back on [----]den for a second and he made a big mess. I've tried to straighten it up but I'm not sure how to put these books away in order . . ." Just explain the situation. At this point the librarian or whoever will stop you and say, "Oh, don't worry, we'll take care of it, thanks for letting us know."

And they really will mean that. They'd much rather put the books back in the right order than have to go over and fix books that have been shoved somewhere willy-nilly. They would also much rather clean up the mess with a cheerful heart than listen to your child scream while you try to clean it. Pretty much if the choice is ever between a crying child and something else, we will always pick the something else. Trust me. (Unless the something else is poop or vomit.) And they will respect you for coming forward, for taking responsibility, and for asking for assistance rather than just assuming that it's the library staff's job to clean up the huge messes you regularly leave in your wake. As if the library were Denny's with books.

When they see you during subsequent visits, they will not think, "Oh great, here comes that hobag who lets her kids trash the library. We know what we'll be doing later." They will instead think, "Oh hey, it's that nice lady who takes responsibility and doesn't think we are servants. We like her."

And believe you me: it's good to have the librarians on your side.

Posted in: library gossip