Have officially made New Year's Day plans . . . whew!

Me: So we should start making plans for New Year's Day.GH: [grunt]Me: Except . . . huh. I'm not sure what there is to do. Seems like most things are closed.GH: Hmmm.(See how good he is at pretending to be engaged? I can't even get mad when he suddenly shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening to any of that. You had better start over." Because then I get to tell my stories twice, which, for a chatter-box, is pretty much like getting free dessert.)Me: I mean . . . they made it a holiday, but what are people supposed to be DOING on that day?GH: People are hung over that day.Me: Oh . . . right. Well then I really don't know what our options are.Except today my long-awaited copy of The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance: A Memoir by Elna Baker has arrived. So I know...

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Countdown

Tree trimmed--Check, including the Gentleman Husband's beloved Sputnick.Car prepped for the Christmas journeyings--Check, including a fresh battery for the flashlight.Cameras and video cameras charged--Check, not that I will remember to use either of them.Cookies baked and plated for Visiting Teachees--Check.Cookies delivered to VTees--Nope, and now they are stale and gross.Crucial Christmas movies watched--Joyeux Noel, A Muppet's Christmas Carol, and Under the Greenwood Tree so far. Doing good!Knitted gifts completed--Um, still scrambling there. May be delivering some IOUs tomorrow morning.Gifts wrapped--Yeah, not so much.Christmas cards--Nope. Keep an eye out next year, though!Groceries purchased & laundry done--Check, thanks to furloughed GH who gets to be my handsome house elf for...

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I might be going to hell

Unless, of course, hell is for people who write crap Christmas songs.Last month I was out buying Christmas gift supplies when it started to snow. I decided to turn on the Christmas stations in the car in the hopes of enhancing the holiday buzz.My two choices were a) that song about the kid trying to buy his dying momma shoes for when she "goes to see Jesus" that night, or b) a song, sung by a child, in the form of a letter to "Mister Jesus" pleading for an end to child abuse.Um . . . yeah. Not so much buzz-enhancing . . .First off, if the Wikipedia article is to be believed, that Christmas Shoes song took 4 minutes to write. This . . . does not surprise me.Secondly, a child-abuse awareness song? Really? Was a well-meaning radio station person sitting around one day and thinking, "You know,...

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Looks like somebody out there was thinking positive thoughts!

The universe kicked in! GH has a new job!One minute I pretty much resigned myself to the part where he would always be working the night shift for $4.25 per hour and that one day he would die of insomnia-related causes and I would be left a zit-faced widow and that would be it. The next minute he was getting a call about a job that he barely remembered applying for over a month ago.The interview went well and all weekend we crossed fingers and prayed that this could work out. On Sunday a man in our ward gave a talk on adversity and said that in the last year 3 of his sons have lost their jobs and he himself has had to lay off two-thirds of his own workforce. Which was a nice little (or, you know, huge) reminder that even if GH doesn't find a new job any time soon, the part where he is employed...

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Christmas gift for the Beatlemaniac

Sorry to interrupt my regularly scheduled NOTblogging, but I figured I'd better send out the word. Just in case anyone out there is a Beatles fan or may be shopping for one, you may be interested to learn that Amazon is offering The Beatles Monopoly (normally priced at $39.99) for $9.99 right now.So, you know, kind of a good deal. Except maybe if you're normal like me you shouldn't buy this for someone unless you know for SURE that they will have other people to play it with. I tell you. When I opt out of a game of Monopoly, I promise it's an act of mercy. Because bored, cranky, sick-of-Monopoly me is only a notch or so down from hungry, premenstrual...

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Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages

Multiple points for you if you catch the reference. Plus it will make me happy to think that there were people out there spending just as much time NOT kissing boys in high school as I was.Last week GH and I hit the new In-N-Out that opened up in Draper. There were several highlights, the most surprising of which was GH's strawberry milkshake--I don't even care about strawberry milkshakes but daaaaang that was good.Also there was the part where we really were, in fact, in and out. Even though there were loads of people, they had everything moving at a very fast and smooth pace. Within 10 minutes of walking through the door we were sitting down...

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Can you keep it down, there are children trying to scream here!

A woman came in today looking for a certain parenting book, and I have to say that it's not a minute. too. soon. This is judging from the way her offspring bellowed and climbed and fought and screamed the entire time they were in here, while she ensconced herself in what appeared to be a cocoon of obliviousness.Everyone is coming in to pick up holds and get DVDs for the long weekend and audiobooks for the long car rides. I myself am very excited to hit the road tomorrow and let the weekend of merriment and feasting begin. In the last few weeks I've been trying to eat better (read: less) and so my pants have gotten slighty looser just in time for that new-found space to be filled with pumpkin pie and yams and turkey-and-brie sandwiches. I am nothing if not a planner.Good Thanksgiving updates:The...

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Yep. I'm done.

I think I am done with errands now for at least the next 4 weeks. My leached-out soul may have recovered by then. So have fun looking for updates from the woman who is refusing to leave her house even to buy such things as milk and toilet paper. Junk mail was good enough for my pre-toilet-paper ancestors and it can be good enough for me.One of the things I did today was return The Boots. I know, I know, they were cute and wonderful but I just wasn't feeling it for the schizophrenia of it all. So if anyone would like a pair of those bad boys in a 37 they are at Nordstrom in Fashion Place mall reduced from $225 to $129. So, you know, go get on...

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Perfect Timing

When you're out, minding your business, running errands on a sunny Saturday and then all of a sudden the sky fills with dark clouds and it starts blizzarding sideways and you are firmly resolve that there is NO WAY you are going home until you've brushed the snow off your car and completed your errands, that is the perfect time to discover that the sole of your cheap years-old pair of stinky Payless flats has a big ol' crack in it.So every time I got out of my car and scampered through slushy parking lots my left shoe filled up with ice water. This culminated in a moment at Nordstrom where I had to bring my sodden lint-covered trouser sock out...

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I should be talking about Thanksgiving here

But today's post over at Petit Elefant got me browsing Martha Stewart's list of Easy Holiday Crafts (cuz hi, that's really the only kind I'm up for even considering) and pretty much slavering over all of the Christmas cuteness. I also owe the good ladies at Petit Elefant a thank-you for another act of online service. Ali, you will be happy to hear that your post on eyebrow grooming gave me the pants-kick I needed to round up the hedge trimmers and do some long-procrastinated maintenance on mine. And now instead of looking like a crazed old wizard whose eyebrows are trying to seek new residence somewhere in my hair line, I look like a Real Girl....

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Gentlemen Broncos review

The other night GH and I went to a free advance screening of Gentlemen Broncos, Jared Hess's latest film. I will start by saying that the pre-show experience was somewhat spoiled because I was sitting next to a woman in her 60s who was, inexplicably, speaking loudly in a fake British accent with her companion the entire time. I know it was fake because 1) it was awful and all over the place, and 2) she would occasionally drop it to discuss things like "how those Mormons control everything here." She commented on my knitting bag (Britishly, referring to the British china patterns that it resembles) and in our brief conversation I was so very...

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Burning a hole in my pocket

Remember that one time when I was one who bikes? Yeah, that didn't last super long. For the last year my sweet bike has just been sitting on our third-floor balcony, all exposed to the elements. (Note: Please do not mimic my stupidity in this way. Get a dang tarp and cover your poor bike.) I haven't ridden it once, mostly because I couldn't stand the thought of having to lug it up and down three flights of stairs every time. Plus GH didn't have one so it wasn't something we could do together on the weekends like the fit kind of Smug Marrieds. Also there's just my natural sloth.So I bit the bullet and posted the thing on KSL Classifieds. Two hours later I had a call, which I took in the bathroom of The Pie Pizzeria and which made for lovely accoustics. Less than 24 hours later a guy and his...

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Thank you anyway, universe!

For those who wanted the update, GH did have his job interview (it was an in-house sort of thing). Although he of course went in with amazing ideas that would have revolutionized the program and the world, there are a few other "in-house" factors we now know about that make his shot seem a bit slimmer. So . . . even though nothing has been announced, I'm not going to hold my breath on that one. Am just telling myself that what the universe (read: all of you lovely people) is really sending our way is a much BETTER job that we just don't know about yet but will blow us away with its amazingness. And then GH will be able to stay home at nights and he won't need a walker for a Christmas present and we will buy a 100+-year-old home in the countryside and we will have precious pygmy goats in the...

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Calling upon the universe

GH has a job interview on Monday! For a real job like real people have! Everyone please pray ha...

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See?? THIS. This is why I did not want to turn 30!

GH and I both turned 30 this fall. Except I did it a month earlier than him because I am 1) competitive, and 2) a cougar. For me, counting down to 30 was fine. Piece of cake. GH approached it with a bit more trepidation and apparently he had the right idea. Because since we reached the triple digits, we have both started falling completely apart. First GH's back decided to just quit working. It's most likely brought on by stress, working the graveyard shift, and working the graveyard shift on really crappy chairs. The poor guy can barely get up and down and is using me as a pulling-self-up-on tool. And a poor one at that, if this morning's pained " grumble grumble useless grumble" mutter is to be believed. He is now wishing that someone thought to give him a cane for his birthday. For my...

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Girl's Relaxation Day, Part Deux

Much, much too long ago (nearly two years) my sisters and I had a Girl's Relaxation Day in Park City, where we retreated from our lives and painted our toenails and stuffed ourselves with brie, which we could technically have done in our own places of residence but felt (rightly) that it would be better to do it somewhere else.This fall we decided that it was time for another much-needed Girl's Relaxation Day, and since Park City had treated us so well last time we made that our destination. The nice thing about Park City, I think, is that even though it's not that far away it still feels like a different sort of place. This is probably because...

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Welcome, and thank you for making Jenny an aunt

My brother and his wife had their first baby this week. My s-in-l was in labor for, no lie, eleventy hundred hours before she ended up having a C-section. Everyone is doing fine and they're home.And here's precious baby Madeline:Lookit that li'l rosebud mouth!This was the conversation I had with Jenny during the Multiple Days of Labor while we were waiting for news.Jenny: ALSO! I AM SO EXCITED TO BE AN AUNT!SO EXCITED!I mean, I know I technically am one already but it doesn't feel like it.I think I'm going to like this being an aunt stuff.Me: Oh my gosh, that's right! You've NEVER BEEN AN AUNT!How did I not realize this? The rest of us have...

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My new favorite thing

Is when families go to the doctor and their children are diagnosed with H1N1 and are told to go home and get themselves quarantined. The family then leaves the doctor's office to go home . . .. . . and stops by the library on the way home, where they all spend an hour choosing all the books and DVDs they'll need for the week.Thanks for that, gu...

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Not pregnant, sorry

Although that would be a fabulous excuse for not posting as opposed to, "Nope, I really am just that lame all on my own without any gestating feti, actually." But thanks for asking.For those who participated, I hope your Weekend o' Conference was good. Mine was one in which I was a Domestic Goddess Type Person.Evidence:Sunday morning made breakfast of pumpkin waffles with real maple syrup (using last year's frozen pumpkin puree, aw yeah), Julia Child's scrambled egg recipe, fresh apple juice, hot chocolate, and really cheap-trash bacon. We invited coolboy and his charming new fie-ance (Yep! Seriously!) over to share in the bounty. Then I lured them into staying longer by making chocolate-chip-Reese's-pieces cookies. Which were amazing, and I am right now eating the leftover dough as my lunch.Dinner...

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So . . . um, it's snowing

In September.Not cool.Also I am not dead, just in case I caused anyone to wonder about that. I am quite alive but just haven't had any good stories/rants/whatever to tell the Internet (at least none that I can tell without getting fired but trust me, there have been some reeeeaal psychos wandering through my doors lately). So I did myself a favor and just didn't worry about posting anything--which was quite a liberating feeling. I highly recommend it.But here's what's been going on in the last weekerso:Finished a couple of knitting projects and started working on a pair of knee socks for Savvy. This is my first foray into sock yarn. To get a taste of what that is like, go fetch some dental floss and two darning needles. And then turn that into socks.Married off the Gentleman Husband's baby...

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Yet another reason to love the Dollar Store

I was in The Dollar Tree today buying $1 fall decorations. (4 dollars later my house is now at least 55% more festive--go me and go the Chinese!)I have decided they have the best music playing over their sound system. It's no-holds-barred shameless cheesy stuff, and yet. You cannot resist its lure. I caught a woman browsing next to me singing along under her breath. One time I possibly bopped around in the aisles at some completely embarrassing ghetto song from my junior high years (and no, I don't remember what it was). Today there was David Bowie and "Afternoon Delight."I didn't notice the music so much during my last visit because the elderly woman behind me in the motherlong line was having back trouble and so to distract herself she engaged me in conversation. Unfortunately, most of...

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I am sorry if your family is perhaps not as photogenic as my family

(Note: This may also have something to do with the part where I am in none of these pictures.)After Baby Hudson's baby blessing last month, my b-in-law held a little family photo shoot.You may want to clap your hands over your mouths now, because you are about to see The Baby Sweater COMPLETE WITH BABY.. . drumroll . . .YEAH. Can you even deal with that???? I certainly can't, and have been whimpering at my desk now for about the last hour. If anyone asks what's wrong I'll just tell them I have a disorder. And that, you know, my right ovary just exploded. Or I'll just show them the picture and they can start making baby animal yelps right along...

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Feeling Glee-ful

Reasons why I am enjoying the new show Glee perhaps a little too much:I am a geek who did band/orchestra/drama in high school.The music, like this number from the premiere.Cutie-pie Matthew Morrison as Spanish-teacher-turned-Glee-coach Will SchuesterJane Lynch as cheerleading coach Sue SylvesterSue Quotes:"You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded, that's hard!" "Lady justice wept today." Sue (while offering Will an iron tablet): "Keeps your strength up while you're menstruating."Will: "I don't menstruate."Sue: "Yeah? Neither do I."Waiting for Rachel and Finn to get together.Waiting for Teacher Will and Guidance Counselor Emma to get together.The...

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Check out my new baby

Yeah. She was my birthday present from GH, and I have named her Flip Mino Camcorder. Or maybe somebody else named her that. I forget. Anyway, turns out that ever since I mentioned, months ago, that it might be cool to one day get something like this, GH had been watching the deals websites and came across a gorgeous refurbished one for a ridiculous price. Which I find insanely hot. The thing weighs less than my cell phone and is tiny and fits easily in my purse. (Or in my knitting bag, which I may or may not have taken to work so that I could show off my bunny and then left sitting underneath the information desk with the video camera inside...

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The Labor of my Labor Day

Have much birthday loveliness to report on, but first I have to show you what I did yesterday. I watched Pride & Prejudice (you can read my original fan-girl review here) and finished making a little something for my brother Dave's soon-to-be baby girl.Dave & Valli, if you want to be surprised then you'll need to not scroll down or turn images off or something.. . .Ready?Tah-dah!I flatter myself it's quite adorable, even if I did come really close to chucking the thing off the balcony a time or t...

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Languages of Luuuuuuurve

Some of you may have heard of the 5 Love Languages, as outlined by Dr. Gary Chapman. (I've also heard other people refer to it as "love currency.") The basic idea is that people give and interpret love differently, so it's important to understand how to best show love to those around you and to let them know what kind of gestures are the most meaningful to you.I started thinking about this a couple of months ago and wondered if it might be helpful to see if GH and I are actually doing the things that mean the most to the other.SO. Here are the different Languages of Luuuurve, according to this one guy:Words of AffirmationQuality TimeReceiving...

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No tights, just leather pants. Which, hey, I'll take it.

Cedar City was marvelous. I did not go with GH, I actually went with a lovely L**** friend whom I will refer to as JJ. She's the one I went to Hawaii with last year and the Shakespearean Festival (again, some more) the year before that, and a better traveling companion you will not find, I tell you. She actually likes driving, so I didn't even have to do any of it.One thing I've noticed is that whenever JJ and I get together, even though we are generally upbeat people, the conversation always tends to turn to dark topics. And since we had quite a long drive there and back, I joked with her beforehand that I was going to time us to see how long it took before we were earnestly discussing self-mutilation. We never got there, but instead covered health care; racism; spinsterhood; bipartisanship;...

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Barding it

Hello, everyone! I hope you all have great weekends--I am off to Cedar City for the Utah Shakespearean Festival, because it has simply been too long since I've watched men prance around in tigh...

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All parents are not created equal

Today a mom noticed that her toddler had located a little kids magazine and was beginning the "I'm going to rip this magazine because I am in awe of my strong ripping powers!" process. She rushed over to stop him but got there about a second too late. So she took the magazine away, informed him that we do not rip things, and found him a very sturdy book to read. She then brought the magazine over to me, told me what happened, and asked if she needed to pay for it.I told her not to worry about it, that it looked like something I could easily fix with a bit of tape, and thanked her for bringing it over. Then we shared a laugh about toddlers and their Destructo ways.This mommy is one of the good ones and I will always think of her this way unless something drastic should happen, like if I find...

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Oh . . . karma. But with a surprise happy ending!

So remember that one time when I talked about how yay and happy I was on account of we just paid off my student loan and how I'm fer shure going to get us living off one income and maybe the Obama administration should call me to get my budgeting advice because I'm Just. That. Awesome at it?Yeah.As my dear superstitious GH would say, it's like you're just giving karma the chance to come after you.Our first month of just-living-on-one-paycheck-except-for-the-part-where-we-treated-ourselves-to-an-anniversary-getaway also turned out to be the month where:#1. Our electric bill went from $40 to $100, thanks to the freaking A/C that we probably don't even NEED because the pioneers didn't have it and they were fine.#2. I went over on our cell phone minutes for the first time in EVER, resulting in...

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Ruminations upon the subject of library parents

Rumination #1: When I politely inform you that your child is too young to be left alone in the children's section, the right thing to do is to log out of your Facebook page and go read with said child. A lesser option would be to make the child sit at the computer with you while she wonders aloud what bad thing she did for the librarian to banish her from the children's area. Rumination #2: You just now realized we have a summer reading program, 4 days before school starts? And you want to enroll your kids?Rumination #3: I really don't think your 6-year-old actually wants the book Twilight as his summer read prize. But way to make him pick that one anyway.Rumination #4: Why would someone pay big bucks to adopt a tiny spicy exotic baby if she was just planning to take him to the library in...

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Goodbye

To the remaining readers of this blog, I have moved to greener pastures. You can locate me at http://lingnemesis.wordpress.com/.I hope to slit you there swoon....

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Commemorating One Year of the Thermostat War

So it's kind of hard for me to believe it, but the Gentleman Husband and I passed our 1st wedding anniversary on Sunday.To celebrate we went up to L**** for a little getaway, which was relaxing and lovely and full of good foods, as any self-respecting getaway must be. More to come on that.A lot of people's first year of marriage, while great, grand, and wonderful, is also a very difficult one. This makes sense because if you think about it, it's kind of a big year.It's the year you learn to live with this other person who, as it turns out, believes that the inside of the toilet bowl is really only a loose sort of goal rather than an ironclad, electric-current-bordered target. (Seriously, can someone please make an electrified toilet rim? And maybe do the floor, too? I would appreciate it....

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Now I am a movie critic too, because I can do pretty much whatever I want

And today I wish to discuss the movie 500 Days of Summer.I do realize it's already been reviewed by both Handsome Gentlemen and cool Jet-setters. But I want to chime in too, dangit. Because it was wonderful.Like the awesome-voiced narrator tells us in the very beginning, "This is not a love story. This is a story about love." It follows Tom, played by the surprisingly n adorable and charming Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Tom is a 20-something young pup who studied architecture in college but now has a job creating copy for greeting cards. He believes in destiny, fate, soaking it up in a hot tub with his soul mate, all of it. He meets new receptionist...

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Speaking of corn

On Saturday the Gentleman Husband and I were driving down to Provo for a BBQ with my family. On the way we listened to the songs on his iPod because he has attitude about the songs on mine.A song by U2 started to play (I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking for) and I asked a question that has long puzzled me.Me: So what's the King of Corn?GH: The what?Me: You know, in the song. Bono says he "believes in the King of Corn."GH: I . . . don't think that's what he's saying. Wait, do you mean when he says "I believe in the Kingdom Come?"Yeah. He pretty much has not stopped laughing over that one.But speaking of "Corn is King," have you seen the new high-fructose corn syrup commercials put out by the Corn Refiner's Association? You need to watch this, and then watch the response put out in the...

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