And we still think it's a good idea to become as a little child?

I have a few hours right now in between jobs. I'm keeping about 8 hours each week at the Cutting-Out-Paper job in addition to the 30 hours at my New Real Bossy Librarian job. The Paper-Cutting job is supporting the One Day Have a Baby and Quit Working If Ovaries Haven't Detached and Gone Wandering Through Body like Shriveled Raisins By Then fund. It's good times. And with these precious hours of free time, the very first thing I did was to sit down and blog for you, friends. (Okay, actually the very first first thing was to eat chocolate chip cookies. Because it's called priorities, people. And now I'm all yours.)

If anyone out there wants a good date idea but is low on cash, I have a venue for you: Head to your nearest LDS chapel on the Primary Presentation day. That's the day the Primary is in charge of the main meeting, so all the little kiddies aged 3-11 get up there to impress/embarrass their parents and provide loads of free entertainment for the rest of us.

Here was just a sampling of what we were treated to yesterday:

7-year old girls in princess dresses, upswept hair, and, in one case, elbow-length satin gloves. Because I think their moms somehow mistook the Primary Presentation for My Daughter's First Pageant.

The tone-deaf front-row sing-screamer. This time it was a little girl and MAN could she sing-scream. It was funny too because you could tell when she didn't know the words--it was like tuning in and out to a radio station.

The 7-yr-old and 3-year-old boys who got into a shoving match during the song "I Hope They Call Me On a Mission."

Only having the boys sing "I Hope They Call Me on a Mission." Nice one, sexists.

The 7-yr-old lecturing the 3-yr-old with pointed finger about how he'd "Better Stop Hitting [Him] or Else." And then lecturing him again when the 3-yr-old took a swipe at him the next time he passed by. That toddler has moxie.

All the kids waving frantically to the grandmas in the audiences.

Dancing girls.

Kids in close proximity to the sing-screamers covering their ears during all the songs.

The twisty calisthenics kid who kept touching himself. Eventually he started putting his hands in his pockets first, which was less distracting.

A 12-yr-old boy in the audience getting fed up with the obnoxious way his brother was singing and so he yelled "Be Quiet!" in the middle of a song, causing both parents to launch themselves at him with Mom's hands going for the mouth and Dad's for the throat.

I wrote a note to myself in my journal: Do whatever it takes to never, never in life be put in charge of one of these things.

Posted in: being a Mormon