I decided to stay married, though.

This year my siblings exchanged names for Christmas really, really early because the theme is Handmade. We don't have to hand-make the thing, but somebody has to. (And that person should ideally not be a 4-yr old in the Philippines.) So I was talking to GH about my plans for gift-giving, and how I'd like to get things done as early as possible. In the middle of my prattling, he makes this plea.

GH: Please don't ever buy me a tie as a gift. I mean, if you see a tie you want me to wear and you buy it for me, I'll wear it. But I don't want ties for Christmas or my birthday. Or socks. Or anything practical. I only want IMpractical gifts.

(As if the Jack Bauer statuary hadn't tipped me off a little bit there.)

Later that night . . .

Me: So, now that ties and socks are out, what's on your Christmas list?

GH: (laughing) Christmas is forever away, I don't know what I want.

Me: No ideas at all? Isn't there anything you already know you want or need?

GH: Well how can I know what I want for Christmas? The ads aren't even out yet.

And that's when I blinked rapidly and probably made the face that Amyjane says I make for a second when someone has said something I find horrifying or stupid, before I manage to get it together and attempt a (really inadequate) poker face.

Me: Um, are you serious? You have to have the ads TELL you what to want? And then you end up asking for things that you were blissfully unaware of until the advertisers informed you that you need them?

GH: Something like that, I guess.

Me: I love you. But you are everything that is wrong with America and possibly the world.

I relayed this conversation to Jenny and Ed later, because I was still so flabbergasted at the thought that I married a man who willingly buys into The Christmas Machine.

Ed: Wow, he wait for the ads to decide what he wants? I always just go for the practical stuff I already need so I don't have to buy it for myself.

Jenny: Wait. HE DOESN'T HAVE A LIST???????

So yeah, Christmas should be fun times! I think a good way to teach GH about the True Meaning of Simplified Pretentious Hippie Christmas will be to make his gift out of newspaper, hemp, and love.

Does anyone have any good ideas? Or have you been given awful handmade gifts that I could use as a model?

Posted in: a better way to live,things that make me stare in disbelief