The Battle Rages On...

I am so hungry.
I am so worn.
I am so tormented.
I am so deprived.
I am so in desperate need to get well, entirely and very much quickly.

I am so hungry because while you readers gorged yourselves mad with fast food/soda/chips/whatever delicacies during that whole of the past week, Ling has been surviving on a wild diet of water, thin porridge, milk and pieces of fruits. I am so hungry. What's worse is the fact that my diabolical toothbrush that I used previously carried the infection from my throat back up to my gums, infecting them altogether. So, I have red swollen gums that hurt (alot) whenever I attempt to chew something normally. Hard to imagine the level of agony, well, um, just visualise having sandpapers all around your mouth. ^_^ There, there, you're getting close to the stage that I am at. Then, deterred by this hellish experience, I get even hungrier.

I am so worn because having to put your body through a guantlet of pills and self-imposed hunger strike is not something enjoyable at all, self-explanatory. I got so worn out that I have been sleeping at 8/9pm and waking up at 10/11am for the past few days, and I still feel sleepy in the middle of the day. I don't (can't) even flourish now. I just can't. I try to do a few simple routine things, they fall apart in the middle. The deck is starting to feel funny in my hands... I try to distract myself being online, after half an hour, I got tired again, as in really physically tired. Thereafter, I just flop myself on my bed and stare at the ceiling and getting killed by the overpowering silence. I am so worn.

I am so tormented. I think I can skip this point, as you can sufficiently gather my level of torment from the above.

I am so deprived, hmm, not being able to eat decently for 1 week plus, being constantly tired, having a torture chamber for a mouth, go figure. Just don't let me smell anything. Even Satan has his limits...

I long to walk down the streets with a clear mind, good level of energy, and being able to eat well...

I am just glad that I am not needed to deal with school at the same time.

Read More

This is what I'm TALKING about

So last night I settled down to watch the new Sense & Sensibility as part of the Estrogen--sorry, the Jane Austen Season.

And yeah. I am really liking it. I think my favorite thing about it is that it's not 90 minutes long. I should have known something was up when I kept seeing things like thoughtful, deliberately paced scenes. And beautiful lingering shots of the countryside. And conversations that exist solely for character development. It was a novel experience, given how dang rushed the rest of these recent adaptations have been.

Plus, it's Andrew Davies, and I think you can automatically calm down when you see his name in the credits. "It's okay, I'm Andrew Davies. I gave you the Wet Shirt Scene. I know what I'm doing."

Now for other impressions:

The first two minutes of the movie spice things right up with a bosom-heaving seduction scene. And even though they don't say who it is, you know it's Willoughby and that poor Eliza. Which is kind of a smart move, really, since the seduction sets off such an important chain of events. Plus, it's one thing to hear Alan Rickman intone "She was . . . with child . . . " and fill in the blanks. It's another to actually see it and think, "Oh that's right. Willoughby totally lied to, knocked up, and then ditched that poor orphan girl. Willoughby sucks, dude!" (Note to Alan Rickman: Never stop intoning, though. Never stop.)

Fanny Ferrars Dashwood. She is a nasty, nasty snake of a woman. The actress playing her is brilliant and I want to slap her until my hands cramp up.

Lots of characters that were cut out of the Emma Thompson screenplay have now been reinstated. It's loads of fun to meet everybody. People I can't wait to meet next week: Lucy Steele, who I'm hoping to loathe entirely, and Bavmorda as Edward's mother. Nice one.

But speaking of Edward, I absolutely have a new crush. He is so, SO sweet an' cute. Both Spitfire and I really, really like him so far. No stammering and mincing about here, Hugh Grant.


Willoughby is too short. But he's played by our BF James McAvoy's cheeky friend Spencer from Starter for 10. So we'll give him a pass on that one.

Colonel Brandon is growing on me, even though I always associate David Morrisey with his role as the completely cracked-out homicidal schoolmaster Bradley Headstone from Our Mutual Friend. I'm slowly getting used to the idea that he is not going to be beating anyone to death with an oar during this movie. Unless Willoughby keeps asking for it.

It's nice to see characters played by actors who are in the right age range. I'm loving Elinor, and Marianne is sweet even though the actress is no Kate Winslet. Some of you may have seen that brown dress Marianne is wearing before. The boobage may have thrown you off, though. I understand.

Read More

How to deal with the suckfest

The question which I've been mulling over lately is simply this. When it comes to whole dating/events-which-we-hope-will-lead-to-dating scene, at what point can you just give yourself permission to opt out?


I don't mean quitting, really. Or even giving up hope. It's just that it doesn't seem to matter whether or not I'm out there Making An Effort--I'm still single either way, so why can't I just say "You know, I have a job (two, actually, because I'm extra cool that way), I have great friends, and I go to Hawaii. For now, that will have to just be enough." Because the alternative, as I'm seeing it, is becoming one of Those Girls.

You know who I'm talking about. I'm talking about the girls who are increasingly bothered by their single state and who socialize at a frantic, driven pace because they worry that if they miss even one event then they might also be missing their chance to get married. These girls are not happy. They're not having fun. They run themselves ragged going to absolutely every single get-together at which they might meet people. They have tense smiles and wide eyes and they laugh too hard and absolutely everyone knows exactly what the story is there. I don't want to be one of those.

Part of the problem for me comes down to the extrovert/introvert thing. Introverts can have a good time with people, but they need Alone Time to recharge and get their strength back up to go out and socialize more. For the extroverts, the party time is recharging time--it's the alone time that drains them.

My sister Jenny? Extrovert. If she doesn't get at least 52 interactions with other humans during a given day she breaks out in hives. Me? Introvert. I invite a bunch of people over to my house but 15 minutes before they arrive want nothing more than to call up and cancel so I can sneak into the bathroom with a book.

So, the socializing stuff? If it's just being social for social's sake, well, to me that's work, not fun. Half the time the stuff I drag myself out to isn't even interesting to me. (Note to activities committees: Start planning events around a Food & Napping concept. I will so be there.) But I go because I'm Making An Effort. The big advice you hear is to do things that will widen your circle of acquaintances. Fine. Have done that. But those circles only seem to widen temporarily. And usually I don't meet many guys who seem interesting (or interested). Or I don't get to interact with them long enough to even know if there could be something there. And even when I do meet someone who seems cool, that's almost worse because I could have this great conversation full of witty banter and flirting but then I never see the guy again. He's certainly not going to ask for my number, because apparently that's pretty much the same thing as bringing up baby names and is therefore Not Done.

Some of you might read this and think, "Sure, opt out. Be your fun great self and you'll find someone when you're not looking. That's how it happened for me." But I'm thinking that can only really be true for one member of the couple. Sure, you weren't looking but I'm guessing the other person must have been. Someone had to take the initiative. It's just nice that it didn't have to be you.

Part of it, for me, is a pride thing. I shouldn't HAVE to go out and club a man over the head while he's distracted with his video games, dangit. They should be able to tell that I'm worth getting to know and then proceed accordingly, right? But then on the other hand, I can't expect that some guy is going to be psychically led to my house where I am holed up watching SLAs on a Friday night. It's the whole "If you don't run, you won't win" thing. So I'm guessing there has to be some sort of balance between becoming a member of the scary Trousseau Troop and opting out entirely for sanity's sake.

So. Here is what I'm looking at. I will not opt out. However, I am not going to waste evenings of my life participating in stupid, boring, infantile activities that stopped being fun when I was 20 years old out of "you should really support the ward" guilt and "Hey, maybe your Eternal Companion will be there" desperation. I am going to sit down and make a list of the social things I like to do (like dancing) but which I've been lazy about, and I will commit to actually going out and doing those things on a regular basis. If I meet people and make new friends while I'm out there, great. If not, that's okay, because I will be enjoying myself anyway.

And did you notice that I didn't even make any cracks about how the guys today are a bunch of lazy child-men? I'm just self-actualized like that.

(photo from inthecitymad)

Read More

O come let us adore them

I'm sure you've been waiting anxiously for pictures of my babies. Here are a couple:

The daffodils are also starting to peek their way up, which is very exciting. This is quite possibly the first time I've planted something that might actually live and thrive. The fact that I don't touch them with my black thumbs ever again after the planting might help.

That purple crocus has the heart of a champion, I tell you. Let's hope they all have them, considering things like this morning's ground cover:

And now that you've very nicely admired my frostbitten babies, I'll bring out a special treat for tomorrow. It's well past time for a post about the dating. Mark your calendars for Friday, everyone, because I'm going to need your input.

Read More

It is like there is a reason to live again

So here's the big exciting news on my end.

Remember that one time like 4 years ago when my library director up and moved and left me in charge with the eye twitch and the two jobs? Yeah. Still doing that, 6 years later. I have, of course, tried to rule with grace and dignity and for the most part I believe I've succeeded. Or at least I've hidden the bodies of the naysayers. But I am happy to report that my time is almost up. The library board has finally selected a new library director and I'm Not It!

I did apply, but I have never been so excited to not get a job in my whole entire life. Yes, sure, more money would have been nice. But I still kind of didn't want it. This last week I've been pretty much walking on air, singing, giggling, and treating the eye twitch as a somewhat charming house guest whom I will probably miss once it's gone. The new person isn't here yet and it will still be awhile before they are, but I feel completely different. And now I get to smile blissfully at people and say things like, "Yep, you'll sure want to discuss that with the new director when they start. I wouldn't want to step on their toes." And, "Sure, what you're talking about is really interesting. It's not really my concern anymore, though. In fact, I've been on a fabulous dinner date in my head with Ioan Gruffudd the whole time you've been talking. But at least we're both having fun, right?"

Read More

Things I've been doing instead of making the sweet love to the Internet

Please note that I did not say "making the sweet love on the Internet," which is something that I neither do nor encourage. And if you try it in my library you will Feel the Wrath.

Knitting. I've been a knitting fool, y'all. It's just so darn addicting! And I love having something new and better to do with my Ritalin-candidate fingers. Because this way I can say, "Hello, I was watching a movie the other night and while I watched I made you these darling fingerless gloves in blue. Enjoy!" instead of "Hello, I was watching a movie the other night and noticed at the end that I had no fingernails left. I gathered them up though and put them in this baggie. Enjoy!" Also, it turns out I can knit in the car! And it doesn't make me carsick! So now I have something to do when I'm a passenger instead of shutting my eyes so that I don't accidentally read billboard text and immediately throw up everywhere.

Here's that purple Cheeto poncho I mentioned. It turned out fine but the one in the book seemed a lot more hole-y. Will have to play around with the pattern next time.

Spending Easter with the Precii. Yeah, I know you're jealous of me. And it's okay. I would be too. Ethan decided that he will be adding jam & cream-cheese coffee cake to his Foods I Will Eat list (currently containing 8 items).

And then I may or may not have eaten his face off because I had No Earthly Choice, people.

Savvy helped me with the deviled eggs and loved them. Because she is possibly my secret love child.


Getting all hopped up on spring. I now have 2.5 blooming crocuses in my yard. Expect pictures soon. I check on them multiple times a day and croon loving thoughts to them. And so help me if any of the neighbor kids so much as touch my flowers I will beat them with their own scooters. L**** is pretty well on my crap list for its winters, but they almost make up for it with all the baby animals you see running around in the spring. They even have Baby Animal Days. This is where the geniuses at the American West Heritage Center put baby lambs and bunnies and piglets all in one place and you get to hold them all and then your heart explodes right there and you die. It's going to be awesome.

Read More

39 degrees

39 degrees? What 39 degrees? Well, that was the temperature of my body hours ago. It seems that the fever isn't done with me yet. It came back last night, I thought I could sleep it off, but I remain very much feverish in my bed, with my blanket covering to til my chin when my air con isn't even switched on. But no, at 5.30am, it was so bad that I got up and downed 2 pills. Later this morning, I woke up soaked with sweat. I thought I am fine.

But bloody fuck fever refused to let me go. Which is actually a good thing, in a weird way. It's always good to have people tend to you at your every whim. Haha! So yeah, went to the nearby polyclinic for treatment where I spent 2 odd hours waiting (im)patiently for the incompetent doctor and complying to the inefficient system of public healthcare.

That's when I know my body reached 39 degrees. Those mouth thermometer you get from your school is just inaccurate. >_>

Afterwhich, I got home, and the real shit happened. Besides from feeling that I am spinning really fast when I sit upright, I went from intense shivering inside out of my human shell and feeling numbness at my right fingertips (of which, I really panicked for the first time, because screwed up hands = doomed for flourishing, lol), to feeling as though my eyeballs were deep fried at 300 degrees and my brain was clutched by some nefarious steel gripper. It wasn't too fun.

Bah...

Read More

Yes, I'm a posting slacker

And today I'm not going to be much better.

Freshome has published a list of the 30 most creative bookshelf designs. You may remember I have a thing for bookshelves. Some of these, like this one, are supercool.


Others had me wincing inside and and wanting to reach out and hold the books that will surely be destroyed if they remain long in such a configuration.


Those who are like me are probably having to remind themselves to breathe deeply right now. It's okay.

I've got a jam-packed weekend of sweetness and light in front of me. Tonight I'm going out for a steak dinner to sate my desire for roasted flesh, and tomorrow Spitfire and I head down to Provo for Easter with the Precii. We will be eating these cookies and I will make My Famous Deviled Eggs Which I'm Sure Are My Ticket To One Day Catching a Man.

The one bit of the weekend I'm nervous about it the part where I present Savvy with the poncho I knitted for her. She requested purple but the only purple yard I could find also has tiny flecks of bright orange in it. Am desperately hoping that she will be thinking of this when she looks at it. (Jen, start showing these pictures to her now, please.) And not so much of these scattered on a purple poncho, which is where my mind goes every single time I look at the thing.

Read More

Perhaps I should lay off the drugs

The other morning I pulled up to an intersection manned by school crosswalk guard mommies. I came to an obedient and safe stop just in time to watch a large black and white turkey start waddling its way across the white striped lines of the crosswalk.

He didn't make it all the way, though, because one of the mommies rushed out into the crosswalk and started shooing him back over onto the sidewalk he'd started from.

So. No idea what was going on there. Is he some elementary student's 4-H project who broke out to follow his owner to school in the manner of Lassie? That turkey pretty much wins the prize for Weirdest Thing I've Ever Seen Crossing the Street in Front of Me. And this is in the face of quite stiff competition in the form of Idiot BYU Students Who Pay No Attention to Traffic Signals and Cross the Road Like a Herd of Retarded Sheep Right in front of My Car and Would So Deserve It If I Just Rammed Them for Being Stupid.

Who would your winners be?

Read More

I wanna learn to do other stuff good too

So I really enjoyed getting my camera out and using it in Hawaii. For the last several months I haven't taken many pictures, and I missed it. This was partly because my life has been a perfect graveyard of buried hopes and I haven't felt enthusiastic enough about anything to actually take its picture. I wasn't even taking pictures of food, which is how you know it's bad. But there's also the part where there hasn't been much going on to merit digital preservation. "Here's a piece of frozen dirt." "Aaaand here's another one. Enjoy."

That is now changing. I planted crocuses and daffodils last fall because I knew I'd need a reason to keep living through the winter. And yes, the promise of Mary Lennox moments are enough to keep the heart beating, it turns out. The crocuses are barely starting to peek up and I swear I shrieked and almost burst into tears when I saw them. I keep dragging people over to look. They've all been very nice about the fact that I'm asking them to coo over 1-inch green spikes. And if you don't think I won't be taking as many pictures of those tiny flowers as other people do of newborn baby twin girls they've just adopted from China, then you don't actually know me very well.

So. New goal is to take more pictures. And to take better pictures. My camera is 4 years old and I had it for about 2 years before I even started investigating what all the little buttons do. Did you know that there's a beach setting? Because there totally is. I know my camera isn't great, but it was amazing how much better my stuff started looking once I actually cracked open the user's manual. And now I'm ready to take it to the next level, which is where my uber-talented b-in-law comes in. I'm going to take his new camera workshop(s) and I'm way excited about it.


The first workshop is about getting to know your camera and its automatic features, setting up good shoots, and getting the best prints of your pictures. (Sad confession: I haven't printed any pictures in the last three years. This is 1. Because I'm cheap, 2. Because I don't know how large I can print without the image going all nasty, and 3. I don't know where to go to get the best prints. But hey, problem solved!)

The second workshop is for when you're ready to start operating your camera manually like a grownup impressive person, and also covers composition, working in natural light, and cool stuff like that.

The in-person classes start April 2nd and 3rd, but I'm doing the online option ($35), since the drive to Provo won't really work for me. If anyone else wants to get ready to give the newborn baby lambs the pics they deserve, you should take a look at the class--it's going to be great.

Read More

If only dreams could manifest as reality...

I want dreams to materialise into tangible reality because I had one very awesome dream last night. I played live guitar for Dragonforce, replacing Herman Li! It seriously felt so damn real when I "played" Through Fire and Flames in my dream realm, lol. XD. I think that absurdly surreal dream might be due to the fever I had last evening, I started talking weird and nonsensical things to my parents and friends on Msn (Valie would have experienced that).


This is Dragonforce, if you didn't already know.

Speaking of the fever, I skipped dinner last night and went to sleep straight. Hmm, which means I haven't eaten anything since 20 odd hours ago. Kickass. Yay, free slimming. >_\/ (man, what a weird emoticon!) Haha! The odd of the fever and all that crap is that I feel so strengthless now. Ack, slimming still overwhelms everything. Geez! Have you seen Ling being so bloody vain before? Ling has never ever mentioned anything about slimming down publicly before. Ling is still a woman afterall, let me remind you. =)

I realised this post is largely redundant... Oh, wait, aren't all blog posts redundant in their inherent nature?

Read More

So much for YOUR good vibes

You may remember that I had a job interview just before I left for Hawaii.

I didn't get the job.

I did learn however that I was in the Top 2. Which I think is respectable. I figure if you can't win then you should at least make the winner work really hard for it. Or maybe do something bad to the winner. Something which takes them out of commission in a really public and horrible way. Did I ever mention the time Eliot Spitzer crossed me? Yeah . . . just sayin'.

Did I also mention that BYU-Hawaii is hiring? Because it is. That would be awesome.

Read More

Just to reassure you that I am fine.

Well, in case you have came up with the thought that Ling has sunken into a hopeless bout of depression, I am fine although I still feel abit sore inside about you-know-what.

Putting aside the past and all that depression thing about a string of alphabets, I woke up with a damn parched throat this morning. So parched and dry that you can film Sahara in my throat. Ack. I drowned myself with 4 full cups of water to relieve it and 2 big spoonful of that minty liquid Singaporeans call "chuan-bei-pi-ba-gao".

As a proponent of Tibetan Buddhism myself, it saddens me to see Tibet is in turmoil since late last week, with monks committing suicide in renowned monasteries such as Sera monastery. Those 2 monks are close to H.H. Dalai Lama himself. Such melancholy. I seriously doubt the 11th Panchen Lama would be able to wrest himself out of the grip of the Chinese authorities at all. I am seeing the whole "Tiananmen" incident repeating itself again... And who shall be the Tankman this time round? Bah, I am very much tempted to say "Boycott the August Beijing Olympics 2008!". Lol.

Besides being so serious minded, hmm, let's see. I have done something nice last week. Inspired by a Deviant Artist from Italy called Lorenzo Mariani who does incredible work with a pencil. To show you a thing that he did:

Can you believe it's done by a mere pencil on paper? This looks fucking realistic and perfect. When I discovered his works, I went hysterical and very much owned for 2 days straight. It drove me to do something similar, although the quality is lacking in mine.
Very far away from Lorenzo's standard, indeed. Bleah.

Read More

One step closer to being too pretentious to live

I'm in Salt Lake City today and tomorrow at a library conference. It's called "Turning the Page" and is about library advocacy. Which I'm all for. I'm also all for my sweet hotel bed. And the hydrotherapy pool. And the triangle-shaped powdered-sugar dusted nut brownies in all the hallways. Let us have more of them.

In all the sessions they have trays by the doors stocked with pitchers of ice water and those lovely stemmed water glasses. I've snagged one at every session which means that I have now drunk more water today than in possibly the entire previous week.

Turns out I sip lots more water when it's in a schmancy water glass. Somehow it feels more likely that a tuxedo-wearing Daniel Craig will saunter over to my table and say something cryptic. To which I will raise my eyebrow suggestively and take another sip. And also we would be in France.

(I told my sister Jenny about this fantasy on the phone and she blurted out "And then he could change into a blue Speedo, right????" Because she's dirty like that when it comes to Daniel Craig.)

I really don't think a styrofoam cup would have the power to produce such results. Plus I'd be distracted by the crying baby trees in my head. Nor, I feel, would the drink of my table companion--a hot-pink aluminum can containing Sobe Adrenaline Rush High Performance Energy Drink ("New Face . . . Same Taste"). I honestly think that, given the choice between this and fresh urine, I would have a hard time deciding.

Read More

More Hawaii pics

Just in case some of you didn't feel like hitting me in the head with a brick yet.

(My mom says I shouldn't say that because it isn't ladylike. But I think it's okay. I mean, there aren't even any swear words in it, gosh. Also it's a literary reference to Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man, which is one of the funnier books ever written.)

For Lippy, here is another pic of the Kalalau Trail. It was absolutely gorgeous. You start at Kee Beach and hike 2 miles to another beach. If you're insane, you keep going another 9 miles. But we felt good with what we'd accomplished. I got into a race with this nutso hiker with the two metal walking sticks who just did not like the fact that a non-walking stick girl was going faster. He ate my dust in the end, though.



I also learned that people comment when they see a librarian shirt. I need to get some sexier librarian shirts in that case. The tie-dyed do-rag is in honor of AmyJane, who made it for me. She was my Kauai companion about 4 years ago but couldn't make it this time, not sure why . . .

After the hike we went to Hanalei and ate at the restaurant formerly known as Zelo's Beach Shack, now called Kalypso. I had fish tacos. They were beautiful. I was disappointed though, that they no longer had the seafood burrito the size of a baby. That's the only reason we went to Kauai, dangit. The best think about Zelo's is that you sit on this lovely lanai and look around and think about how lucky you are to be there.


The only real cloudiness happened in Hanalei Bay, where I got this cool shot of the pier.


And lo, it is my chicken friends!


Here's the Special at Hamura's Saimin. It was not my dad's favorite meal, I know, but I just love this kind of stuff.

We kayaked up the Wailua river and then hiked up to the falls. We passed this cool mini falls on the way. Hello, The Color Green. I have missed you.

Read More

Thanks are in order

First off, I must thank my parents, who made this trip possible. Especially my dad who dragged himself off the beach every day to go do the things I wanted to do, even when those things consisted of eating hot noodle soup in a tiny dive in Lihue. And my mom who kept buying me little presents. They are the coolest.

Thanks also to my aunt and uncle for bailing out and leaving an empty room at the Hale Koa. When I woke up the first morning this was my view. So yeah. Sorry y'all were busy . . .

Thanks to my sister Jenny, who is such a noble person that even though she couldn't come along she mailed me her darling swim skirt in the hopes that I would look more attractive in pictures.

Thanks to Kee beach, for giving my father a place to bask while the rest of us participated in exertion-type activities along the Kalalau trail.


Many, many thanks to the good people of Portugal for inventing malasadas and bringing them to Hawaii. And also to the lovely women of Kauai Bakery for selling them to me two days in a row and not laughing when I tasted my first chocolate-filled one, moaned obscenely, and then marched back up to the counter (possibly knocking over a large man) to order three more.


Stay tuned for next installment!

Read More

I'm back, sigh . . .

So I'm back in L**** now, freezing and trying to keep the dry cold from cracking my flesh open. My efforts are only marginally successful.

Anyway, yay for the Hawaii numbers game!

6: Days without eye twitches

1: Impulse to blog. That was on the first day. Quelled it successfully. Plus there aren't a lot of Internet cafes on Kauai. Which is one more reason to love the place.

3: Minutes spent thinking about work, and those were by accident in response to direct questioning

36: Chocolate-covered macadamia nuts eaten

0: Local youths seduced (tragic)

78: Sighs of contentment and/or bliss

1: Sunburned nose (on the last day, of course)

4: Pounds of fresh pineapple eaten

2: Books read--The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid: A Memoir by Bill Bryson, which had me giggling on the plane there, and The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, which made me sob on the plane home.

8: Naps on the beach

80: The age of the sweet couple next to me on the plane, who kept urging me to share their food with them. "Here, have a sausage, it's really good. You'll need a cracker to put it on, here you go. I bet you'll like these trail mix bars, they come from Costco." For the last 5 years they've spent a month every spring on Oahu. I can get behind that.

1: Kayaking adventure on the Wailua River

6: Separate humpback whale sightings

3,429: Chicken sightings on Kauai. A bunch of them got loose during the last hurricane and now they're everywhere, with no real predators. The guy at the kayaking place says you can eat them but they're so lean you don't get much meat. He says they're great for stewing, though. But to be sure to get them from the mountains where you know they haven't been raised on tourist food and cigarette butts.

0: Good hair days in Hawaii. My hair does not like that place, but I don't really care what it thinks.

So yes. Blissful, heavenly vacation. And now I need to go to work. Will post pics soon.

Read More

My life just hit a new low.

I felt that it is better for me to type something here to vent out my thoughts rather than to be bottled in my morass of thoughts any longer.

So yes, I got back my A Levels results on Friday. Rather, very catastrophic, I must add. University life is not completely ruled out yet, but I still feel pretty bruised inside. Bruised in a way that I will have to let go of opting for a science-based course and make the switch to another field, perhaps social sciences or Economics. It's an especially tough obstacle that I will have to brace myself for, when I have a deep-rooted conviction all these years since upper secondary that biology is my vocation. Well, if you are wondering, biology chose to disappoint me at this very cruical moment of all examinations I have had in JC by plummeting 2 to 3 grades down from my preliminary exam grade. Very gallant of you, Biology. This feels like dealing with a breakup. The sense of betrayal is too harsh and it came too sudden. This is the second time in my life I have felt so lost, so bruised, so helpless. I will never ever look at Biology the same way again...

Other than that emotional upheaval (not in a positive connotation) that I am experiencing now. I must say that my Economics grade did gave me abit of a surprise. I recalled not studying much for it (only browsed through the notes a few days before the exam) and by reasoning, I freestyled my way during that 3 hour long exam. That session of freestyling gave me my one and only "A" grade, unfortunately. Considering the fact that I never touched the fringes of As/Bs during my normal economic exams, this aspect of my results is somewhat pleasant.

Well, my other subjects did according to my humble expectations, so I have nothing to complain about.

But still! Ling is bruised. And, this time, she is not enjoying that.

Instead of dwelling in what has already happened like how I would usually do when I was younger, I shall give thought to my next destination in life. I'm getting increasingly convinced that the path of sciences/mathematics isn't for me. I was merely following the conventional trend and found myself struggling relentlessly to keep myself above the water in both upper secondary and JC. It has been a route filled with hardships. Many people around me *parents* would have retorted me by saying I haven't put in my fullest effort yet, but to be honest with myself, I couldn't find the emotional linkage to learning science anymore... It's just another race.

I have consulted my secondary school teacher/good friend, Mr. Neo, about the choice of going over to courses like Sociology, Psychology, he said it's a good choice. I'm inclined towards that field of studies since the start of my JC life, self-reading about philosophy, current affairs and getting very interested in different cultures and societies etc. Maybe it might be a good thing for me to do the switch afterall, since I have some prior interest.

I have no idea...

Read More

The reason why Ling hasn't been blogging all week is the looming fact that her A Level results will be out really really soon, like "tomorrow-soon". That would meant the decreasing positive in me to think of nice phrases to say here.

In the meantime, let me dwell in a semi-conscious melancholic reverie whilst I confuse myself even futhur into depression under the illusionary thoughts that I'm going to do awfully bad.

Fuck. =(

Read More